AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend’s daughter after my girlfriend cheated on me?

When my girlfriend and I started our relationship six years ago, I embraced her daughter as my own, even planning to legally become her stepfather when we married. Our future seemed bright until a couple of months ago when my girlfriend confessed to having an affair. The revelation shattered my trust and led me to cancel our engagement and wedding. Overwhelmed by betrayal, I not only ended the relationship with my girlfriend but also chose to cut off contact entirely—including with her daughter, whom I cared for deeply.

Now, despite knowing how much the little girl misses having a father figure in her life, I’ve completely ghosted both my ex and her daughter. My ex reaches out, pleading for me to maintain some connection because her daughter is heartbroken. Yet, I find it unbearable to be around her, given the painful circumstances. Was I wrong for severing ties with a child I once loved, even though it meant protecting my own emotional well-being?

‘AITAH for ghosting my girlfriend’s daughter after my girlfriend cheated on me?’

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Dealing with infidelity is one of the most challenging aspects of any relationship, especially when children are involved. Psychologists emphasize that the emotional fallout from betrayal can lead to deep-seated feelings of hurt and distrust. In my case, the revelation of my girlfriend’s affair not only broke our bond but also complicated my relationship with her daughter—a child I had come to love as my own. The intense pain of betrayal can make it nearly impossible to maintain any semblance of a relationship with individuals connected to the act of infidelity, even if they are innocent, like her daughter.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, “When trust is violated, especially through infidelity, the emotional damage can extend far beyond the couple involved, affecting everyone in the immediate circle. Recovery requires time, clear boundaries, and sometimes, painful decisions.” (read more at gottman.com). In my situation, I faced an impossible dilemma: continue a relationship with a child I once cherished while being reminded daily of the betrayal, or protect my mental health by completely severing ties.

Many experts agree that, in the immediate aftermath of infidelity, some distance is necessary for healing. However, the long-term impact on the child is a critical concern. Research in family dynamics indicates that children, especially those who view an adult as a parental figure, can experience significant emotional distress when abruptly cut off without explanation. The child may internalize the abandonment, leading to issues with self-worth and trust.

Nonetheless, when an adult’s emotional well-being is at stake—particularly when tied to an ongoing betrayal—the decision to withdraw, however painful, may be seen as a necessary self-protection mechanism. Ultimately, while I understand the potential harm to the child, it is crucial to acknowledge that maintaining any relationship with my ex could force me to confront her betrayal repeatedly. This emotional turmoil might hinder any chance of personal healing.

Ideally, a mediated conversation on neutral ground could offer some closure, allowing me to explain that my withdrawal is not a reflection of the child’s worth but a boundary I must enforce for my own recovery. Yet, such a compromise can be immensely difficult when the pain is still raw. The expert consensus suggests that while complete severance is not the ideal solution for the child’s emotional needs, it might be a necessary step for the affected adult until further healing occurs.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and sometimes humorous. Many users empathize with my need to step back from a painful situation, while others argue that the child deserves a proper goodbye. These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they fully capture the difficult balance between personal healing and a child’s need for closure?

In conclusion, my decision to ghost my ex and her daughter stemmed from a deep sense of betrayal and the need to protect myself from constant reminders of the infidelity. While I recognize that the little girl might be suffering from the loss of a father figure, I also believe that forcing myself into a painful situation could hinder my own healing.

Was my choice to cut off contact justified under these circumstances, or should I have found a way to provide closure for her while still moving on? I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences—how do you balance self-preservation with the potential harm to an innocent child caught in the crossfire?