AITA for telling my female friend I don’t care about her feelings?

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The clink of glasses and laughter filled the air at a lively bachelor party, where friends toasted to a groom’s upcoming wedding. But amidst the revelry, one guest’s drunken confession turned the night into a scene straight out of a rom-com gone wrong. Kelly, a long-time friend, spilled her heart to the groom, revealing a six-year crush and doubts about his bride-to-be, expecting… what, exactly? A dramatic change of heart?

As the hangover faded, Kelly doubled down, forcing the groom to confront her fantasy head-on. His blunt response—calling her out for trying to derail his big day—ignited a firestorm among friends. Was he too harsh, or was Kelly’s timing a recipe for disaster? This tale of unrequited love and wedding jitters dives into the messy clash of feelings and loyalty, with a dash of pre-wedding chaos.

‘AITA for telling my female friend I don’t care about her feelings?’

I'm getting married in two weeks. Last week was my bachelor party and several of my friends attended, women and men. During the party one of my female friends, let's give her the name Kelly, got very drunk and confessed to me how she's not happy that I'm getting married and that she thinks my future wife is not a good match for me.

She also confessed she's been in love with me since we were 21 (now we are 27) and that it hurt her feelings how I never realised and never did anything about it. Due to the fact that she was drunk I completely ignored what she said and I was like 'fine ok whatever' at that moment.

I waited till she got sober to see if she'd say anything about this again. Two days after the party she texted me and asked me if I thought about what she said. I told her to elaborate just to make sure she's talking about her confession. She was indeed talking about it. And I told her exactly what I thought.

I told her I don't care what she thinks about me and my fiancée being a good match and she's not the best judge if that since she claims to be in love with me. I also told her that I truly don't care about her feelings towards me and I don't know what she expected to achieve. She was shocked to see me responding like that and she was like 'you don't need to be rude about this'.

I replied telling her that of course I'll he rude. She's trying to ruin my wedding by thinking confessing to me will change anything. Told her to come back to reality and realise she's not playing in a movie and her confession is embarrassing and instead of letting it go and blaming it on the alcohol she pushed it and expected to see whether she'd actually have succeeded. I told her at this point I don't care about her at all.

That girl apparently exposed me to our friends. She didn't tell them the whole story and I had to explain to everyone what she really said and expected. My friends kept insisting that I acted like an AH and just because I'm getting married that gives me no right to invalidate my friend's feelings towards me. AITA?

Edit : I also want to clarify one thing. 'Kelly' has not been a good person towards my fiancée at all. Especially during our first years together. She only fixed her attitude after I had several fights with her regarding boundaries. Due to her fixed attitude I believed she changed truly.

Kelly’s eleventh-hour confession at the bachelor party screams bad timing and worse judgment. Declaring love for a soon-to-be-married friend, especially while slamming his fiancée, crosses a line from heartfelt to disruptive. The groom’s sharp retort may have stung, but it was a reaction to her attempt to upend his commitment.

Dr. Shirley Glass, a psychologist specializing in relationships, wrote that “emotional boundaries are crucial in friendships, especially when romantic feelings arise” (Psychology Today). Kelly’s past disrespect toward the fiancée, only curbed after fights, suggests her “love” was less about connection and more about entitlement. Her expectation that the groom should’ve noticed her feelings years ago ignores her own responsibility to speak up.

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This scenario reflects a broader issue: unrequited love can fuel unrealistic expectations. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of people harboring secret crushes overestimate their chances of reciprocation (SAGE Journals). Kelly’s rom-com-inspired move backfired because she misread the groom’s commitment as negotiable.

Advice? The groom should stand firm, perhaps uninviting Kelly to the wedding to protect his fiancée’s peace. For readers, respect others’ relationships and voice feelings early—waiting until a wedding looms is a losing bet. Clear boundaries keep friendships from turning into soap operas.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit posse didn’t mince words, rolling up with pitchforks and popcorn for Kelly’s misadventure. They backed the groom’s no-nonsense shutdown, with a few jabs at her movie-star dreams. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She’s had six years to tell you how she feels & decided right before your wedding was the right time? Oh hell naw

Jovon35 − Are you kidding me???!!! How did this confession not result in you telling Kelly you have been in love with her as well but never revealed your true feelings out of fear she'd not reciprocate? Then you and Kelly fall into bed and you break off your impending nuptials!?

Oooooh... because that scenario is a b**lshit bad story line from every s**tty romance ever written and/or produced! Kelly sucks. She has no respect or care for you as a friend. A real friend would support you and keep their silly crush to themselves.

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A real friend would have told you of their feelings LONG before you were in a committed loving relationship and heading towards marriage. And your friends backing Kelly suck also. Friend or not we should not cosign peoples f**ked up behavior. You are NTA. I wish you and your fiancee a beautiful wedding and a long marriage filled with infinite love, laughter and prosperity.

[Reddit User] − NTA - I would disinvite her from your wedding. I don't think the confession was that terrible, although she should have left out the part about you and your fiancé not being a good match and kept it purely about her own feelings. But the fact that she is dragging your mutual friends into this non-argument is a huge red flag. There is no reason for her to be in your life anymore.

IcyJournalist41 − NTA, you probably could have been a little more tactful in your response but as a female, I would greatly appreciate it if my partner responded by shutting her down quickly, and your not responsible for her emotions or her feelings

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NiceyIceyWifey − NTA. This the exact energy i need my future husband to have if someone pulls that s**t.

Head-Wrap7430 − NTA. She’s trying to ruin your wedding, why wouldn’t you react badly? And you need to reevaluate your friendships if they think it’s your job to *validate* anyone’s feelings, especially inappropriate feelings.

befriendthespiders − NTA 100%. Yeah you could have been less harsh but damn she should have taken no for an answer. She had 6 years to tell you how she felt and she waits until right before your wedding? Naw. What did she expect you to do, leave your fiancee who you've been with for years and run away with her? Also if I was your wife I would honestly be relieved you had that reaction

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TwistyHeretic2 − NTA — this girl has been trying to undermine your relationship for *years*, having previously treated your fiancée poorly until you put her in her place. She has watched *way too many* Rom-Coms and thought they were reality..

Her sudden “confession” is nothing other than a last-ditch effort to stir up trouble and ruin your relationship. Lance and drain this boil once and for all — that is, uninvite this so-called “friend” from your wedding and from your life. Any other “friend” who agrees with her can gtfo too.

Kris_Third_Account − NTA She also confessed she's been in love with me since we were 21 (now we are 27) and that it hurt her feelings how I never realised and never did anything about it. Did she expect you to be a mind reader, or something? She's allowed to take initiative herself.

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She's an a**hole for having unreasonable expectations from you, being annoyed that you didn't fulfill them, and confessing her feelings for you when it was *far* too late. Don't know how long you've been with your fiancée~~, but she's probably had plenty of time if she's felt that way for *six years*~~. Edit: She never really had a shot since OP was with his fiancée for the entire time (see OP's reply), but that only makes her expectation more unreasonable.

curious_seahorse1 − NTA. Rom-coms have a LOT to answer for!. So many have the 'heartfelt confession by lovestruck protagonist at the Nth hour' portrayed as a GOOD thing.

Its RUDE. Weddings aren't quick things to prepare. Which means you had PLENTY of time to confess feelings, so doing it just before that person says I do shows you just want to be disruptive..

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Could OP had been nicer in his wording? Perhaps. Did Kelly deserve it? Nope. She admitted she's been 'in love' with OP for 6 years. She's had plenty of time to admit her feelings, but she wanted HIM to pick HER.. Too bad buttercup, wipe off that entitlement and get over yourself.

These Redditors served up spicy takes, hailing the groom’s loyalty while roasting Kelly’s audacity. Some called her confession a friendship dealbreaker, others just laughed at her timing. But do their cheers capture the full drama, or are they just fueling the wedding buzz?

Kelly’s bachelor party bombshell was less a love story and more a lesson in reading the room. The groom’s blunt clapback, while harsh, guarded his wedding from her misplaced hopes. Friends may cry foul, but loyalty to a fiancée trumps coddling a latecomer’s crush. This saga shows that timing matters—and so do boundaries. Have you ever faced a friend’s untimely confession? How would you handle it days before a big life moment? Drop your thoughts below!

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