AITA For purposely not buying someone a coffee?

In a bustling office, where coffee runs and breakfast spreads fuel collaboration, one woman’s pet peeve brews a bitter standoff. Our protagonist, a 20-something worker, loves treating her favorite coworkers to bagels and lattes during team meetups. But her annoying coworker’s habit of snagging freebies “for her kid”—only to toss or gift them—grinds her gears like a cheap espresso machine. Fed up, she stages private breakfasts, leaving the coworker out.

The plan backfires when the excluded coworker catches wind, sparking an awkward confrontation that leaves the office buzzing. Was our hero petty for gatekeeping her goodies, or justified in drawing a line? With coworkers whispering and opinions split, this tale of workplace snacks and subtle shade pulls us into a drama where generosity meets grudges.

‘AITA For purposely not buying someone a coffee?’

I have a coworker I have to admit I find annoying. We can get along, but I don't see us ever dealing with each other outside of work. One thing she does that I find annoying is we often get food and beverages provided and she'll take it 'for later'. Then says she either threw it away or gave it to her child.

I have a coworker I do like, but they do more traveling. They're at my site certain days. We get together for breakfast and lunch. When we do this in office, we bring extra food/drinks for other coworkers. The first time annoying coworker was here for a breakfast, I asked if she wanted any of the food/drinks.

She clearly doesn't like the type or brand I purchased. Before walking away, she took a lot and a drink and said 'I'll give it to my child'. I didn't like my food imo being wasted like this. When I buy breakfast now, I tell the workers I like about and it do in a conference room. This has been going on for two months now.

I guess someone told her. On Friday, she was like 'Did (the company) bring this?'. I said 'This is a working breakfast. If you want to join us, you can.' She started asking all of these weird questions. Acting like we were eating out of garbage cans.

I said 'Annoying coworker, either you want to eat something or let us work. If you don't want something, I bought it and if there's left overs I want to bring it for 'later' or for 'my family'. '.She twisted her face, but left.

I think I'm right but a few coworkers said I was talking about her daughter. I wasn't, but I didn't want to hear the song and dance. If you're not eating it, I'm giving to someone I actually like. I'm not running a snack shack for kids.

This office clash is less about coffee and more about workplace dynamics gone sour. The OP’s frustration over her coworker’s take-and-toss habit is understandable, but her public exclusion tactic stirred unnecessary drama. Dr. Amy Gallo, a workplace conflict expert, notes, “Addressing annoyances privately prevents escalation and maintains professionalism” (Harvard Business Review). The OP’s snarky retort in the conference room, while cathartic, risked creating a hostile environment.

The broader issue is workplace generosity and its unspoken rules. A 2023 study by the Society for Human Resource Management found 40% of employees feel pressured to participate in office perks, like food sharing, which can breed resentment (SHRM.org). The coworker’s habit of taking food “for later” may hint at financial strain or social awkwardness, but the OP’s assumption of waste fueled her decision to exclude.

Dr. Gallo advises addressing such issues directly but tactfully. The OP could’ve privately told her coworker, “I’m happy to share, but please only take what you’ll eat.” Instead, her passive-aggressive move—hiding breakfasts—escalated tensions. To move forward, she should apologize for the public jab, clarify her intent, and set clear boundaries, like limiting portions.

ADVERTISEMENT

For others in similar spats, experts suggest focusing on fairness. If sharing food, set expectations upfront, like a signup sheet for leftovers. If the coworker’s behavior persists, involve a manager discreetly. Maintaining professionalism while protecting your wallet keeps the office vibe intact.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit served up some piping-hot takes—check out the brew:

cheekmo_52 − Mild ESH here. I think you were right not to offer her food you paid for that was not intended to be up for grabs. But you said too much. I think you merely needed to tell her that it was not company provided

ADVERTISEMENT

that you brought food in for your meeting/collaboration/project, whatever it is you were working on together. And then dismiss her by asking if she needed help with something. The rest was a bit unprofessional.

rich-tma − Title doesn’t seem like the story. It’s like you weren’t sure what story you wanted to make up when you wrote the title

Ok-Position7403 − ESH. She's being greedy but you're being petty. We get together for breakfast and lunch. When we do this in office, we bring extra food/drinks for other coworkers.  Don't do that. Get enough food for the 2 of you. You presumably work with adults, they can get their own food. Problem solved.

ADVERTISEMENT

JustAnotherK8Lady − NTA but you are creating your own problems. I met my best friend at work and when we ate breakfast and lunch together we did so behind a closed door.

yeahwhoknows − why is her giving food to her child a waste?

GeneralyAnnoyed5050 − YTA - if you provide something for people, you can't micro manage what they do with it. Stop being petty. She obviously is awkward, cut her some slack and just be generous. Or stop bringing stuff in. You're being purposely rude in the workplace. If you can't afford for her to throw out a donut, then stop buying everyone donuts.

ADVERTISEMENT

redcore4 − YTA. Your personal beef with this person is not a reason to exclude her from a work-based event even if you personally are providing the food. That meets the definition of workplace bullying, where I live.

Honestly, if someone is keeping their share of a meal to give to their child I’d be wondering if they are struggling, either financially or time wise, to feed their kid, and probably wouldn’t ask too many questions.

I’d also be wondering if she doesn’t want to eat the food herself because it might create a reciprocal obligation to provide food herself next time which she can’t afford to do. When you’re in that situation, taking leftovers when everyone else has had what they want feels (and is) very different to actually joining in with the meal.

ADVERTISEMENT

This whole thing comes off like you’re picking on someone for being poor, which isn’t a great look, but even if that’s not the case you don’t seem to have directly spoken to her *in private* about how you’d like to keep your leftovers for yourself.

You seem to have done this in public which is very humiliating for her especially as it the way it happened was the direct result of you picking on her individually out of personal dislike. If you can’t manage to be generous in a way that includes everyone and doesn’t embarrass anyone then perhaps you should set up a rota for who provides food

and then have people sign up for joining in or not having any food, and others can decide to let her take the leftovers when it’s their turn to buy. That way you can carry on excluding this one person as much as you like and it will have much less impact on those around you.

ADVERTISEMENT

justinhammerpants − YTA. If you offer someone a portion of food and they accept it, you don't get to police what they do with it. If you're so up on what happens to that food, and they can only do with it what you see fit, don't offer it in the first place.

Fearless_Spring5611 − Technically NTA, you are not obliged to pay for anyone's food. However I would strongly urge you to think whether this exclusionary behaviour would have ramifications from a legal/job perspective - especially if you're in any way senior.

And it does seem somewhat double-standard that you're happy to pay for everyone to eat, but the one who doesn't want to eat instead takes their share home for their kid - you're still paying the same amount of people to eat after all, just one of them won't do it in front of you.

ADVERTISEMENT

CSurvivor9 − I understand what you're saying. I can see why it bothers you. I think you just went about it the wrong way. Intentionally excluding her wasn't right. Taking her aside and saying, 'I've brought breakfast and am happy to share with you.

But please don't take anything for your daughter until everyone has had their fair share. As we might not have enough. If there are leftovers that are being shared, I'll make sure to bring you something to take home.' She may still be put off, but you didn't embarass her, and you're including her.

Right now, you're creating a hostile and toxic work environment. And your title really isn't accurate. It's not just coffee. You're supplying food for all except her. You could have just not brought anything at all. And if your company is at all reimbursing you, then you really have no say in her having whatever. But she has one hell of a complaint against you. YTA.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit roasts are bold, but do they stir the pot too much? Some see the OP as petty, others as protecting her turf. Is there a middle ground in this coffee-fueled feud?

This saga of bagels, grudges, and office shade leaves us wondering where generosity ends and fairness begins. The OP’s breakfast boycott hit a nerve, but was it the right move? Her coworker’s snack-snatching sparked the mess, yet the public callout brewed bad blood. Have you ever clashed over office perks? What would you do to keep the peace—or your pastries? Drop your thoughts below and let’s sip on this workplace drama!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *