AITA for refusing to give my child’s college fund to my stepson so he can go to college?

In a cozy suburban home, where family photos line the walls, a quiet storm brews over a bank account brimming with promise. A 43-year-old mother finds herself at a crossroads, clutching a college fund her late parents left for her daughter, Grace. When Grace, now 20, swaps lecture halls for real estate deals, her stepfather, Neil, sees an opportunity: why not redirect the fund to his son, Alex, who dreams of studying criminology? The refusal sparks a heated clash, blending love, loyalty, and legacies.

This tale of tangled family ties tugs at the heartstrings, as readers wonder: what’s fair in a blended family? The mother’s choice stirs questions about honoring parental wishes versus meeting present needs, pulling us into a drama where money isn’t just currency—it’s a symbol of trust and intention. Let’s dive into her story, shared raw and real on Reddit.

‘AITA for refusing to give my child’s college fund to my stepson so he can go to college?’

I [f43] am married to my husband Neil [m46]. We've been married for 2 years, and together for a total of 5 years.. We have children from previous relationships.. I have my daughter Grace [f20] and Neil has a daughter and a son, Lola [f23] and Alex [m18].

When I was pregnant with Grace, my late parents generously set aside a college fund for her. It has been placed in a bank account under my name, and it's up to me to give the funds to Grace. There was a change of plan.

Grace decided she didn't want to go to college, and instead got a job as a real estate agent through a friend in the industry and doing a full-time 5 month training course. She now makes decent money. Neil has been pestering me about the college fund lately,

as Alex wants to go to college to pursue a degree in criminology. He said I should give the college fund to Alex instead, since Grace doesn't want to go to college anyway, so she doesn't need the money. I'm unsure as to what to do with the college fund,

because my parents only wanted the money to go to Grace *on the condition that she uses it to go to college*. I told Neil no, and he got really offended, and said that my decision isn't fair on Alex. I'm considering giving the money to Grace anyway so she can use it to put towards a house.. AITA?

Edit: Neil and I have a prenup. If we were to divorce, he would not be entitled to anything.

Blended family finances can spark fiery disputes, and this mother’s dilemma proves it. She’s guarding a college fund her parents left for Grace, but Neil wants it for his son Alex’s college dreams. She’s torn between honoring her parents’ wishes and Neil’s plea for fairness, yet the fund’s clear purpose for Grace holds strong.

Dr. Susan Newman, a family dynamics expert, notes, “In blended families, financial decisions often breed resentment without clear boundaries.” Neil’s push overlooks the fund’s intent, as Grace’s choice to skip college doesn’t erase her claim. The money could still secure her future—maybe a home or business venture—aligned with her parents’ vision.

This clash reflects common blended family tensions, where fairness battles loyalty to legacy. Neil’s expectation that Grace’s fund should cover Alex’s education shifts his responsibility onto her, which isn’t fair. The mother’s stance protects her daughter’s trust.

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For solutions, she could save the fund for Grace’s future needs, like a down payment or her kids’ education. A legal trust could lock in the fund’s purpose, preventing disputes. She might also discuss with Grace using it for major life steps, keeping it within their family’s control.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of sass. Here’s a peek at what fellow users had to say:

[Reddit User] − NTA. That money was specifically left for Grace

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TwoCentsPsychologist − NTA. Your parents gave that money to invest in Grace’s future. They reasonably thought that meant college. But other activities such as classes, real estate conferences, or helping Grace at some point set up an office are ALL investing in her future.

SamSpayedPI − NTA.. It's not your money; it's more or less money that you hold in trust for Grace's education. Since Grace decided not to pursue college, you need to decide *what your parents would have wanted you to do with the money* in these circumstances.

Give it to Grace anyway to fritter away as she pleases? Hold onto it in case Grace *does* eventually decide to go to college? Hold onto it and put it toward Grace's (potential) children's educations?. But it's not yours to give to your husband's children.

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emilianajuana − NTA. I’m always so confused why people feel so entitled to others’ money. It’s for Grace! It’s not for anyone else just because Neil didn’t save money for his kids to go to college!

Reaverbait − NTA. Grace is 20, and might decide to get more education later. I'm an Elder Millennial who's now doing university. Alternatively, getting her into home ownership might be a good use of the funds - your parents did want it going towards getting her set up in life, and that's one of the things that makes a huge difference to quality of life.

4682458 − NTA. Neil needs to stop his money grubbing. Grace might change her mind later and get higher ed. It happens a lot. You can keep it for Grace's kids for colleger an emergency fund for Grace.

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penguin_squeak − NTA The college fund was gifted to your daughter by your late parents. It was an asset you had prior to your marriage. Your husband and stepchildren have no claim to the money. Your husband and his children's mother had years to set aside funds for their child's education. Someone else's financial good fortune is not someone else's lottery.

SpaceyAwesome − NTA. Your parents gave that money so Grace could go to college. What happens if she decides in 5 or 10 years that she wants to pursue further education and you've given the money to Alex? It's great that she has a career now she enjoys, but we all know how fickle life can be.

Please save that money for her. She may want to open her own brokerage after she gets more experience, or, as you said, purchase a home. Grace should not be monetarily penalized because she's doing well. If you feel your parents really intended that money ONLY for education and that is a hang-up,

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you can always keep it where it is, earning income, until Grace has children of her own and gift it to them when the time is right. Whatever happens, please make sure that there is legal documentation of where those funds should go and that it is not simply an account in your name.

tatersprout − NTA. Your husband is unreasonable and not entitled to that money. Your parents earmarked that money and trusted you to use for its intended purpose. Your daughter may eventually decide to go back to school or take classes

and that money should always stay available for her. I would have a serious problem with him if I was you. It is your daughter's money and you get to decide if you want to give it to her for something else.

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plonkbonk − NTA. if the money was meant for grace, give it to her to buy a house, a car, pay for her wedding, literally anything other big expense in her life. your husband is not entitled to ask for that money at all, please do not feel pressured to give it to him/your stepson.

These fiery opinions light up the thread, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the real question is how families navigate fairness when legacies are at stake.

This Reddit saga leaves us pondering: where do loyalty and fairness intersect in blended families? The mother’s choice to protect Grace’s fund honors her parents’ wishes, yet Neil’s plea for Alex tugs at notions of equality. It’s a messy, human story with no easy answers. What would you do if caught between a legacy and a loved one’s dreams? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation going!

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