AITAH for asking my ex to move in with me after his wife died and for telling his mother where were you when she criticised me?

Life sometimes forces us into roles we never expected. After my ex—who’s bi—and I once dated and even contemplated a future together, he moved on to marry a wonderful woman and had twins. Tragically, just months after the twins were born, his wife passed away. Overwhelmed by grief and the daunting task of raising two infants, he showed up at my door, begging for help. Despite our past, I couldn’t turn him away in his desperate time of need, so I offered him a place to stay, purely out of friendship and genuine care.

Now, his family has stepped in with harsh criticism, particularly his mother, who accused me of taking advantage of him and even insinuated inappropriate behavior between us. When she lashed out with insults, I fired back, questioning where she was when he needed help the most. This post explores whether I’m the a**hole for stepping up when his own family wouldn’t.

‘AITAH for asking my ex to move in with me after his wife died and for telling his mother where were you when she criticised me?’

Navigating grief and loss is an intensely personal experience, and when it involves family, the stakes are even higher. In situations like this, where someone is left to manage overwhelming responsibilities—raising twins while mourning a spouse—the support system they have in place is crucial. Mental health professionals emphasize that the period following a significant loss can be marked by emotional turbulence, stress, and feelings of isolation.

In these moments, even small acts of kindness or support can play a pivotal role in recovery. By inviting my ex to move in, I aimed to provide a stable environment during his darkest hours, something his own family seemed unwilling or unable to offer. Relationship experts like Dr. John Gottman often stress the importance of empathy and practical support in the wake of trauma.

As he notes, “In times of crisis, actions that demonstrate care and responsibility are essential for emotional healing” (read more at gottman.com). While some might argue that offering a helping hand could lead to dependency or complicate past relationships, the immediate need for compassion should take precedence. My actions were not about rekindling old flames or exploiting a vulnerable moment; rather, they were a genuine response to a human crisis.

Moreover, when his family, particularly his mother, chose to criticize rather than contribute positively, it only reinforced my belief that stepping up was the right decision. Research on family dynamics during periods of loss suggests that when traditional support structures fail, alternative networks—friends, even exes—can be invaluable. The harsh words from his mother, questioning my motives and even insinuating impropriety,

were not only unjust but also reflective of a lack of willingness to embrace a supportive role during a time of need. Ultimately, while these actions may appear unconventional to some, they were rooted in compassion and the desire to ensure that a grieving father was not left to shoulder an unbearable burden alone. The long-term outcome remains uncertain, but addressing the immediate emotional crisis with empathy and responsibility is, according to many experts, a vital step towards recovery.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. Many users agree that I stepped up when no one else did, while others are shocked by the bluntness of his mother’s criticism. These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect the complexity of supporting someone through grief?

In conclusion, my decision to ask my ex to move in was driven solely by a desire to help him and his twins during an incredibly challenging time. Confronting his mother’s harsh accusations was a response born out of frustration at her lack of support when it was most needed.

While some may view my actions as overstepping boundaries, I believe they were necessary to provide a lifeline in a moment of despair. I invite you to share your thoughts: Was my response justified, or should I have handled the situation differently? What would you have done if you were in my shoes?