AITAH for asking my ex to move in with me after his wife died and for telling his mother where were you when she criticised me?
When life throws unimaginable tragedy our way, sometimes the most unexpected relationships form from the kindness of a friend. In this post, a gay man shares his story of stepping up for his ex-partner during one of the darkest times of his life. After his wife tragically passed away just a few months after the birth of twins, he was left overwhelmed, desperate for help, and emotionally shattered.
Despite their complicated past and having once dated, he reached out to his ex—yes, the same person who once rejected a proposal—to offer him a place to stay and to help take care of his young children.
The decision wasn’t taken lightly. Our storyteller explains that his ex showed up at his door, distraught and in dire need of support, and he knew he had to act when his ex’s family failed to step in. Not only did he invite him to move in, but when his ex’s mother lashed out with harsh accusations, he fired back, asking, “Where were you when he needed help?” The situation raises the question: is he in the wrong for taking this bold step?
‘AITAH for asking my ex to move in with me after his wife died and for telling his mother where were you when she criticised me?’
Navigating relationships during times of grief can be incredibly complex, and personal boundaries often blur when emotions are raw. Dr. Alan Fisher, a psychologist specializing in bereavement and family dynamics, explains, “When a person is grieving, especially after a significant loss like the death of a spouse, they often require a support system that may come from unexpected sources. Friends stepping in can be a crucial lifeline.”
He adds that, “Although the dynamics between ex-partners can be complicated, the primary focus should be on the immediate well-being of the grieving individual and the children involved.” Dr. Fisher emphasizes that while some may question the appropriateness of an ex-partner stepping into a parental role, the situation should be viewed through the lens of compassion and necessity.
“The key is to provide stability when the traditional family unit fails to do so. In cases where family members are not available or willing, a caring friend who understands the person’s history and needs can make all the difference,” he notes. He continues, “It’s important to remember that offering support does not necessarily imply an ulterior motive; sometimes it’s simply about being there when no one else is.”
He also addresses the criticism directed at our storyteller for “moving in on a widow too soon.” Dr. Fisher states, “Criticism in these contexts often stems from rigid views about grief and relationships. However, emotional healing doesn’t adhere to a fixed timeline, and support should be based on the needs of the individual rather than societal expectations.”
His insights remind us that the act of offering help, particularly when traditional family support falls short, is not only commendable but necessary. Ultimately, Dr. Fisher encourages open communication and professional support, such as therapy, to ensure that all parties are healthy as they navigate their new roles and evolving relationships.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid, humorous, and unfiltered.: BunnyKissx supports the decision, emphasizing that our storyteller stepped up when his ex’s own family failed him. United-Manner20 passionately declares that his kind-hearted action isn’t about his sexuality but genuine care, dismissing his ex’s mother’s unfounded criticisms.
DuckyofDeath123_XI underlines that when someone is overwhelmed by grief, only true friends can provide the necessary support, not judgmental relatives. BlueGreen_1956 and JoyfulandHappy1965 echo similar sentiments, condemning his ex’s mother as unsympathetic and reinforcing that stepping in during such times is both brave and needed.
This story dives into the murky waters of grief, family dynamics, and the courage it takes to support someone in need—even if that person happens to be an ex. Our storyteller’s actions remind us that compassion often trumps societal expectations, and that sometimes, stepping up when others fall short is the right choice.
What do you think? Is there ever a wrong time to offer help, especially when a family member is failing? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had to defy conventional wisdom to do what felt right? We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences—what would you do if you were in this situation?
