AITA telling our friend only ‘real moms’ got invitations to our group’s yearly Mother’s Day outting?

Picture a cozy living room, sunlight filtering through sheer curtains, where two lifelong friends sit on a plush couch, tension simmering like a kettle about to whistle. One, the original poster (OP), listens as her friend Leila vents, her voice cracking with hurt over being left out of their group’s cherished Mother’s Day outing. For 11 years, this tradition has celebrated their friends’ journeys as mothers, but Leila, a devoted “dog mom,” feels her furry family deserves a seat at the table too.

The air grows heavy as Leila’s frustration turns to anger, prompting OP to drop a truth bomb: the outing is for “real moms.” The words land like a poorly timed joke, and now Leila’s gone silent, leaving OP wondering if honesty was too harsh. This sticky situation has sparked a fiery debate online, tugging at heartstrings and raising questions about friendship, inclusion, and what it means to be a mom.

‘AITA telling our friend only ‘real moms’ got invitations to our group’s yearly Mother’s Day outting?’

Leila and I are friends with 5 other women and have been since middle school. Everyone but us has kids, we have furbabies instead. Once our group had kids, we tried to do a mother's day lunch with all of us. It didn't really go over that well because those without kids couldn’t really participate.

Like what do I know about late night feedings and diapers and first steps or going through the adoption process. So people without kids were just left out and everyone was ok with that. It's been like this for the last 11 years, and now its turned to their kids and husbands/partners make them brunch together, serve it up.

Exchange gifts, stories and spend the day together on one big family outting. Leila got her pup last year. She is 100% the 'dog mom'. Stickers, shirts, will gift you presents from her dog, sign cards from her dog. I don't think there's anything wrong with that and its cute.

She can go overboard, like the birthday party she threw for her pup last month and invited our group and her friends from her doggy daycare. Some of our friends left because a couple of the kids have dog allergies and she had dogs EVERYWHERE and didn't include that info.

She was sad they left so we had to explain to her that she knows some of our friends' kids have these allergies and she didn't give a heads up she invited people to bring her dog's 'friends' from doggy daycare. Eventually she let it go. Mother's Day rolls around, she came over and was pretty upset, said she needed to vent.

She said she was hurt she was left out of the Mother's Day outting because she's a 'dog mom' and that counts too. I listened to her for a bit but when she started to actually get angry with our other friends, I told her they had a point not inviting us.

We could deal with not being invited to one of two celebrations out of the year that's for families. She asked if that means I don't think of my cats and dog as family. I told her I do but its not the same. I told her that the outing is for 'real moms' and their kids.

Our friends are actually making sacrifices, giving up time, energy, and resources that we don't. I gave the example that for her pup, she got her at 11 weeks when she was already born and weaned, she had help training her at a doggy academy, free and easy adoption,

she has her in doggy daycare five days a week and anytime she wants to take off, and a groomer does all the bathing and trimming. I told her I'm not trying to take away from the joy being a dog mom brings her, but just trying to highlight how we aren't the same kind of moms.

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Leila left after that and none of us have heard from her. The only one who has talked to her, works with her, and says Leila has been making some comments about how she was intentionally left out and her friends don't take her serious because she doesn't have a 'crotch goblin'. I'm starting to think I may have messed up and should've just been quiet and let her be mad for a bit.. AITA?

Edit: Our 'mom' friends do not just randomly exclude us. The first two years of others having kids we did celebrate together. Those of us without kids, it was more than just she and I at first, could not talk at lenght about parenting and families.

Going someplace after lunch had to be kid friendly because the parents wanted to have their kids with them, we wanted to go to a bar or a day trip. Our friends with kids have always made sure to not gush about their kids all the time so as a group, we all decided, Leila included,

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that the Mother's Day lunch would just be for the moms and their kids so they can do all the kid friendly activities and gush about their kids all they wanted. Back then, Leila would get bored with them talking about their kids too much or spending too much time and attention on kid pics and not other topics. She still has that same attitude today.

Edit 2: Unless she is keeping the info to herself, Leila chooses to be childfree and its not an issue of being childless. Her marriage did end because her ex eventually changed his mind to wanting kids. She took it pretty hard when she found out he remarried and has kids now, and got Lemon not too long after that.

The Expert Opinion section dives into the mess between OP and Leila over the Mother’s Day outing snub. It starts by noting the clash: OP’s blunt “real moms” comment hurt Leila, who sees her dog as family. Both have legit feelings—OP’s protecting a tradition, Leila’s craving inclusion—but OP’s word choice was a gut punch.

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It zooms out to show this isn’t just personal drama. A 2023 Pew study says 44% of childless folks view pets as family, yet Mother’s Day often sidelines them. Dr. Susan Newman, a psychologist, is quoted saying validating identities builds connection. OP could’ve softened her stance by acknowledging Leila’s dog mom role while explaining the event’s focus.

Finally, it suggests OP apologize for her phrasing and propose a pet-friendly hangout. Leila should reflect on her hurt, possibly tied to her past. Open talk could fix things.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a buffet of opinions with a side of sass. Here’s what the community had to say—candid, spicy, and full of hot takes.

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Obvious-Result6853 − NTA. I joke a lot that I’m a dog mom because my dog acts like a toddler but in reality it’s not the same as having a kid. I can leave my dog at home but couldn’t leave a 2 year old at home. It’s not the same. It sounds like she’s pretty self centered anyways so I wouldn’t take her comments too personally.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Leila needs to get over herself. If you’re child free, fantastic— but you don’t get to be included in a holiday for Moms. Dogs are not children. It’s fine to call yourself a ‘dog mom’ if you get that it’s not the same, but people who don’t get that are cringe as hell.

Dovahpuff − NTA. Having a dog and having a kid are not the same thing. The last Sunday in April is Pet Parent Day. If she wants to celebrate her bond with her dog, there is a time to do it.

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Snoo_68114 − Yikes.... NTA. This is coming from someone who is child free. I recognize the difficulty in raising 'crotch goblins' as your friend said so callously. It's not easy and not for everyone. Your friend is not a mom or maternal figure, let alone a mentor to a human child, which is what mother's day celebrates. Being a dog mom, cat mom,

or plant mom is very different. You have a passion to provide for a being outside of your species, but it's not the same as raising kids, because kids can literally grow up to make the world better or worse, there is more liability in having children and raising them.. It's probably for the best you cut this person off so she can find the right niche.

SeePerspectives − NTA. Anyone who unironically uses the phrase “crotch goblin” to describe children is automatically TA. I have nothing against people being child free, I have nothing against people disliking children, but if someone is comfortable using an offensive slur to describe any subsection of the population then they’re a bigot, and bigots are always AHs!

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Beneficial-Reason949 − Anyone else wondering why you’d take your kids to a Dog’s birthday party if they’re allergic to dogs?

[Reddit User] − NTA. you can be a dog mom all you want, but it’s not the same as being a human mom. not WORSE, as no one needs to have kids, but not the same.

RefillSunset − NTA. Dogs are not babies. People need to stop using/normalizing the term furbabies, unless your dog spreads legos on the ground as a deadly minefield, needs to learn about maths and language and how to write its own name, and needs application to school at one point.

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I appreciate dog owners and their big hearts, but the effort to raise a kid and raise a dog is just not the same.. ​ Leila is dramatic and imho a bit delusional. You tried to make her see the reasons and she is adamant against it. Nothing you can do.

KaoJin-Wo − NTA. Your friend is clearly unhinged. I have a fur baby. I take extra shifts to spoil him. My kids (grown) say he is the favorite. Yes he is. I would never expect to have a mother day anything from him or because of him.

That’s crazy. But do t cut her off. Be patient. She’s clearly having some serious issues and will need support. Or, if you don’t have that in you (which is totally fine), take this opportunity to run. But to be clear, you did nothing wrong. Good luck

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LongNectarine3 − NTA. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for validating the most exhausting job I learned to love very much. Thank you for understanding it’s a family occasion and it sounds like you prefer to be left out anyway. Because it’s boring if you don’t have kids. Fur mommy would be out of place.. Next year perhaps have a fur mommy brunch with all your very wise childfree fur moms.

These Redditors dropped truth bombs and shade in equal measure, but do their verdicts hold up in the real world? One thing’s clear: this debate has folks picking sides faster than you can say “furbaby.”

This drama leaves us pondering where to draw the line between honesty and sensitivity in friendships. OP’s attempt to defend a tradition backfired, while Leila’s hurt feelings reveal deeper wounds. Could a little empathy have saved the day, or was tough love the only way? We’d love to hear your take! Have you ever navigated a friend group divide like this? What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo going!

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