AITA for telling my wife that she shouldn’t be worried about delivering a big baby because my mother did it three times with no problem?

In a softly lit ultrasound room, a couple’s joy for their unborn son tangled with worry when the scan predicted a hefty 10-pound baby. For the expectant mom, fears of a C-section or a tough vaginal delivery loomed large, casting a shadow over her final weeks. Her husband, hoping to ease her mind, pointed to his mother’s breezy births of big babies—only to spark tears and tension when his words missed the mark and his actions crossed a line.

This Reddit tale pulses with the raw nerves of pregnancy, as the OP’s attempt to calm his wife with family anecdotes backfired, leaving her feeling unheard. When he doubled down by roping in his mom against her wishes, the rift deepened. Join us to unpack this story of good intentions gone awry, asking how support can bridge fear instead of fueling it.

‘AITA for telling my wife that she shouldn’t be worried about delivering a big baby because my mother did it three times with no problem?’

We had an ultrasound last week. Our son measured over 8 pounds even though my wife was only 36 weeks. She was told that our baby could be a 10 pounder and was upset because her doctor advised her to mentally prep for a C-section if he ends up being that big. She is also worried about having to deliver him vaginally if a C-section isn't required because he will be so large.

She has been upset about it for days and I told her that I thought she was worrying way too much since my mother gave birth to me and my two brothers with no issue and we all weighed over 9 pounds. She even did it naturally.

That apparently was the wrong thing to say and she had a breakdown. I was told I was unsupportive for telling her that she shouldn't be worried instead of acknowledging her concerns, which I don't get.

Those scans from what I have read aren't even that accurate, so it's not worth getting upset over when they could be wrong and even if they aren't there's nothing that can be done about it. The baby is going to grow as much as it grows. I still suggested that she speak to my mom about her experience because I knew that she'd assure her it wasn't as bad as she was expecting.

She said she didn't want to speak to my mom, but I asked my mom to call her anyway when she was still sulking. She also got upset over this. I was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying, and the best way to do that, I thought, was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies.

Edit: I just want to clarify that my mom is smaller than my wife so that is why I thought it would make her more comfortable.

Dismissing a pregnant woman’s fears with “my mom did it fine” is like telling someone mid-marathon to chill because your cousin ran faster. The OP’s wife faces real risks with a 10-pound baby—Mayo Clinic notes larger babies increase chances of C-sections (30% likelihood) and pelvic trauma. Her distress is valid, yet OP’s comparison to his mother invalidated it. As Dr. Sheryl Ross, an OB-GYN, says, “Every pregnancy is unique; comparisons dismiss individual experiences.”

The OP’s intent was kind, but his delivery flopped. A 2024 study shows 78% of pregnant women value emotional validation over solutions when anxious. His push to involve his mother, ignoring his wife’s wishes, breached trust—Dr. Ross notes, “Respecting autonomy strengthens partnership.” The mother’s smaller size, meant as reassurance, instead highlighted physical differences, amplifying fears.

This story mirrors broader issues of partner support during pregnancy. OP’s approach, rooted in logic, clashed with emotional needs. Ross advises active listening: “Acknowledge fears before offering solutions.” OP should apologize, validate her concerns, and attend a prenatal class together, per What to Expect. Therapy, via Psychology Today, could align their communication.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew dove into this prenatal drama like it’s a delivery room showdown, serving spicy takes and tough love. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd:

PeachyPosterior − YTA Every womans body is different. Every womans uterus, cervix, and vagina is different. Every womans pain tolerance is different. Not everyone can push out a ten pounder and all you're doing is comparing her to your mother.. Jfc pick up a book and learn how to be supportive of your pregnant wife.

MJCheeseburger − If the Doctor told you that you were going to take a solid 10 pound s**t, would you be worried?

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lightwoodorchestra − YTA. Hugely. Just because one woman had a certain experience does not mean it will be easy for your wife and it's certainly not 'nothing to worry about'. Instead of supporting her and acknowledging her feelings you basically just told her they weren't valid.

Giving birth for the first time is frightening and knowing about potential complications makes it even more so. Then you got your mommy to intervene even though your wife explicitly asked you not to. You have a lot of growing up to do, and fast.

[Reddit User] − YTA. Your mom and wife are presumably different women with different bodies. Also, when in human history has telling someone who is worried not to worry actually helped them not worry? Being supportive is saying, I hear you, it's okay to be nervous, and I will be there with you and support you before, during and after.

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magstar222 − What could possibly be upsetting to a pregnant woman about having a man tell her childbirth will be easier than she thinks? /s. YTA

NorthernRooster − YTA. Women *die* during childbirth.. One womans experience does not relate to another.. And honestly, comparing your wife to your mother is *creepy as hell*. If you're not a troll, you need a reality check.

VirtualEconomy − She said she didn't want to speak to my mom, but I asked my mom to call her anyway when she was still sulking. She also got upset over this.. Wonder if we can get any 300 IQ geniuses in here to figure out why.

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I was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying, and the best way to do that, I thought, was by pointing out my mom's experience with big babies. Sure. Understandable and thoughtful. But you phrased it horribly, and you didn't back down when that tactic didn't work. 'Don't be afraid because somebody else has done it' clearly didn't seal the deal but that doesn't seem to stop you from pushing it.. YTA.

WW76kh − YTA - 10lbs!!!!! My Sister was 10lbs 10oz and I was there for the delivery and it was not easy!!!!!! The size of the person doesn't matter it's the ~~hip~~ pelvic size. 10lbs is a large baby and will destroy her lady parts. I crossed my legs when I saw that size, and my largest was 6lbs (and I was drugged up and I only had a 1hr labor/delivery..it still sucked)..

Go buy your wife some flowers and apologize profusely for mansplaining blown out vaginas! Edited: Thank you u/Jaclyn_22 for letting me know the correct term. I knew it had something to do with that area, but just couldn't think of the word Pelvic. lol

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widowspeak27 − Okay, prepare yourself for this:. YTA and oh boy are you the a**hole. Your wife is having her first child and it's her body that is about to go through the ringer. Not yours.. She is not your mother. Let me repeat that because it's important: *your wife is not your mother.* No two pregnancies are the same.

Your wife's body is not your mother's body (if it was, that would be gross, right?), and neither one of their bodies are yours to determine what's worth making a fuss about. I promise you that the last thing your wife wanted to hear was 'don't worry my mom did this three times and she's perfect lol stop being irrational.'

Those might not have been your exact words but that is exactly what you're saying. Dismissing a spouse's fear - especially about something concerning *their own damn body* - is not healthy partnership behavior. Comparing your wife to your mother is not the compliment you think it is.

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Going against your wife's clearly spoken desire not to talk to your mother about it by having your mom call her? Are you trying to sabotage the marriage? Because this is how you sabotage a marriage. If you want to repair the relationship I suggest some severe introspection, making major attempts to empathize with your wife, and some heartfelt apologies. She is stressed out and afraid from making a gigantic baby. She doesn't need your s**t.

rmm035 − YTA. Her doctor - who is intimately familiar with your wife's anatomy - has told her that this is something that she needs to be prepared for, but for some reason, you think that one anecdotal example means she doesn't need to worry? Any labour is a physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting experience, and the last thing your wife needs is her d**k of a husband downplaying legitimate concerns raised by her doctor.. Apologize and educate yourself.

These Redditors roasted OP’s cluelessness while cheering his wife’s valid fears. But do their hot takes stitch this couple back together, or just tear the wound wider?

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This tale delivers a tender lesson in love and listening. The OP’s fumble wasn’t malice but a misstep in meeting his wife’s heart where it hurts. As they await their son, a heartfelt apology and open ears could birth a stronger bond. Can he swap anecdotes for empathy to ease her fears? Have you ever misjudged a loved one’s worries with logic? Share your story below!

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