AITA for refusing to invite a “childhood friend” to my birthday?

A sunny afternoon, a tangy Bloody Mary, and a mother-daughter catch-up took a sharp turn when an old acquaintance barreled into the scene. A young woman, planning a lively birthday bar crawl, found herself dodging an unexpected blast from the past when Wendy, her mom’s former friend, pushed for a reunion with her daughter, Linny. What seemed like casual chitchat morphed into a test of patience, as Wendy’s insistence clashed with the woman’s desire for a drama-free celebration.

The awkward standoff left the birthday girl caught between politeness and honesty, with her mom’s disapproval adding a splash of guilt to the mix. Readers can’t help but feel the cringe of this social tug-of-war, where saying “no” feels like defusing a conversational bomb. This story dives into the messy art of setting boundaries when nostalgia and obligation collide.

‘AITA for refusing to invite a “childhood friend” to my birthday?’

My birthday is in a few weeks. My mom and I went out for bloody Mary's yesterday and ran into someone she used to be friends with. I'll call her Wendy. Wendy has a daughter Linny and when I was a kid I was forced to be friends with Linny. Apparently we're the same age but she always acted babyish which kinda annoyed me.

When I was like 12ish I stopped going when my mom would do stuff with them. Well she stopped dragging me along. Wendy started going on and on about how she can't believe how her daughter and I are both grown now.. My mom said 'yea, her (my) birthday is coming up and I can't believe how old she is'. Wendy asked if I was doing anything for my birthday.

I assumed she was just making conversation so said meeting with some friends and going to different bars. Then she said 'well Linny just moved back to town and is looking to meet people, maybe she can meet up with you on your birthday.'. I just said 'eh I'm not sure where we'll be and when so...'

She said 'then give me your number and I'll give it to Linny so she can call or text you to see where you are'.. I said 'eh nah, that's ok maybe some other time' REALLY hoping she'd take a hint. She said 'no no this is perfect, meet up with an old friend and meet new people, just give me your number'.

I sorta sighed and said 'look I don't really want her to go, when we were kids and I was forced to hangout with her. I don't consider her a childhood friend'.. Wendy looked at my mom and my mom said 'you weren't really forced, just encouraged '. Wendy said 'sorry I was just trying to help you guys reconnect,

Linny doesn't have many people to hangout with since all her old friends moved on, have a good birthday '. Then walked away. My mom said I was unnecessarily rude and should have just given her my number and not answered her call/text if I didn't want Linny there. I feel like I was TRYING to be nice about it and she didn't get it so I had to be blunt.. AITA

Navigating pushy social requests can feel like sidestepping a conversational landmine. The OP’s encounter with Wendy exposes a common tension: balancing courtesy with personal choice. Wendy’s refusal to read the room forced OP into a blunt rejection, highlighting a clash between her autonomy and Wendy’s expectations. Meanwhile, OP’s mom siding with Wendy underscores a generational gap in handling social obligations.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in a Greater Good Magazine article, stresses that “boundaries are about respecting your own needs while being kind to others.” OP’s attempts at polite deflection align with this, but Wendy’s persistence ignored her cues. This dynamic reflects a broader issue: societal pressure to accommodate others, often at personal expense. A 2021 Pew Research study found 62% of Americans struggle to decline social invitations, especially women.

OP’s bluntness, while jarring, was a last resort after softer hints failed. Experts suggest using scripts like, “I’m keeping this event small, but let’s plan something later,” to maintain civility without commitment. This approach could help OP avoid future awkwardness while honoring her space.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad jumped into the fray, dishing out a mix of cheers and sly digs like a lively bar debate. They rallied behind OP’s right to pick her party crew, with some tossing shade at Wendy’s overbearing vibe. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

Disastrous_Bee9079 − NTA. You tried to discourage it twice, Wendy kept pushing.

Snommies − NTA. You handled this very well. You told her twice that you didn’t want to, and was polite about it, third time, you had to be more blunt. That’s fine. Mom and her friend were out of line after you said no the first time. It’s not your job to entertain someone you didn’t even really get along with just because they’re moving back.

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Moms opinion is wrong too. You’d have just hurt Linny in the end with essentially ghosting her, IF she did reach out by text by just ignoring her. The way you went about it was fine, no one’s expecting a response/answer, no one’s waiting on a message that would have never come. Happy early bday!

JuliaX1984 − NTS Wendy knew EXACTLY what you were getting at because this is obviously not the first time it happened - she just didn't expect you to say the quiet part out loud.

Gloomy_Ruminant − NTA. Linny's mother was extremely pushy and failed to read the room before you got blunt. However for your own sanity you could probably work on finessing your rejections if you don't want to deal with blowback.

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Something along the lines of 'Oh gosh it's going to be a really tight-knit group going to the bars and I'm afraid Linny would feel really left out. Maybe something one on one after my super busy schedule clears up!'

LosTresOruigitas − NTA. Wendy was too damn pushy, ~~you could have just said 'No thank you' like an adult~~, and your mom needs to understand what boundaries are. Edit: Changing my vote, someone pointed out something I missed. Wendy and mom both need to learn that 'No' means 'No'.

Stegosaurus505 − NTA. The situation was awkward but only because your mom's friend was pushy and made it awkward. You were at no point rude and tried to politely decline. Wendy refused your obvious attempts to say no and didn't give you much of choice between accepting what she wanted or hearing the truth. It's clear that you were trying to be gentle, Wendy should have accepted your no and moved on.

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greenswizzlewooster − If Linny doesn't have friends, there's probably a reason for it. Absolutely not your problem. If you were feeling generous, you might offer to take her on another get-together with a large group so she'd have an opportunity to make friends. But having a virtual stranger hanging out with you on your birthday is weird.. NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA, you were handling it well and Wendy pushed you into a corner, hard. If Linny is anything like Wendy, I see why you don't want to hang out lol.

[Reddit User] − NTA. *Incredibly* rude for her to try and force you on a play date with her daughter like you're five year olds. I really doubt Linny wants that kind of treatment either.

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Icy-Veterinarian942 − NTA. It irks me when people can't take a hint and you're forced to be blunt.

These Redditors backed OP’s boundary-setting, with a few suggesting smoother ways to say “no.” But do their spicy takes nail the full picture, or are they just fueling the fire? One thing’s certain: this birthday saga has sparked a lively chat.

This tale of birthday plans gone awry serves up a relatable lesson: standing your ground is tough but necessary when unwanted guests knock. OP’s clash with Wendy and her mom’s critique highlight the delicate dance of asserting boundaries without burning bridges. Have you ever had to fend off a pushy plus-one? What would you do if a well-meaning friend tried to hijack your plans? Drop your thoughts and stories below!

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