AITA for not giving our office admin assistant my free coffee?

The hum of a small office buzzed with the usual lunchtime chatter, but a quiet tension simmered beneath the surface. An employee, caught in the glow of a Starbucks BOGO deal, faced a moral pickle: share the free coffee with a coworker or continue gifting it to the admin assistant who faithfully fetched their orders? Her choice sparked a subtle sting of disappointment, rippling through the office’s delicate social fabric.

This seemingly trivial dilemma unveils deeper questions about workplace appreciation and unspoken courtesies. The admin’s downturned expression hinted at more than just a missed latte—it spoke to the value of small gestures in a role often taken for granted. Readers might feel a pang of empathy, wondering where the line lies between obligation and kindness in the daily grind of office life.

‘AITA for not giving our office admin assistant my free coffee?’

Essentially, my office (very small, around 20 employees) has an admin assistant. Many people order lunch during the week, and she goes to pick it up. She’s paid hourly and also reimbursed for her mileage. I generally only jump on the lunch train with other people and order from the same place so that she doesn’t have to drive somewhere specifically for my food.

The only exception to this is Starbucks. When there’s the BOGO after 3 deal, I will order something and then offer her the free drink for making the drive. I’ve done this 3 or so times now and have always given her the free drink. Last week, I was talking with another coworker who apparently had no idea this offer sometimes exists.

She asked if I wanted to go halfsies for the next two deals so only one of us had to buy each time and both of us got a coffee. I agreed, but then immediately started to feel bad when said coworker excitedly went to go tell the admin about this great deal and ask her to go pick it up for us. Admin looked kinda disappointed. AITA?

A free coffee might seem trivial, but it can brew big feelings in the workplace. The admin assistant’s disappointment reflects a universal truth: small tokens of appreciation matter, especially in roles heavy with multitasking. According to a 2023 Gallup study on workplace engagement, employees who feel valued are 20% more productive. This story highlights how minor gestures can bridge gaps in perceived respect.

The employee’s choice to split the BOGO deal with a coworker wasn’t malicious, but it shifted an established pattern. The admin, likely earning less than others, may have seen the free drink as a rare perk in a demanding job. As Dr. Tessa West, a workplace psychology expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Consistency in small acts of kindness builds trust; disrupting them can feel like a demotion.” Here, the sudden change likely stung more than the coffee’s absence.

This scenario mirrors broader issues of workplace equity. Admins often juggle unseen tasks—scheduling, errands, morale-boosting—yet face lower pay and status. A 2022 Bureau of Labor Statistics report shows administrative assistants earn a median of $41,000 annually, often less than their office peers. The free coffee was a symbolic nod to her efforts; its loss underscored her undervalued role.

To mend this, the employee could offer a small gesture—like a gift card or a heartfelt thank-you. Dr. West suggests “micro-affirmations,” like acknowledging specific contributions, to rebuild trust.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew poured out their thoughts like a fresh brew, serving up a mix of sass and sympathy. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

moongirl12 − I..... yeah. Your admin is going out of her way to do something nice for you and you're sort of an ass for cutting her out.

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anotherdiceroll − I would say no...it sounds like this is part of her job. It’s nice to give her the free one once in a while, but I don’t think it’s required.. Correct me if I’m wrong and it really is more of a favor on her end, though.

Rambo1stBlood − See, I think you are in the clear for not being an a**hole here. You aren't treating her as a means to an end because that is her job description. The coffee was just a bonus and you were really nice to offer it up at all in the first place. Still, if your positions make more money than hers,

and she is on the lower segment of the work totem poll, there might be an unavoidable thought in her head of like 'wow, these people are money obsessed, they make more than I do and are pooling together for cheap coffee deals?'. I don't think it would lead to any major fallout or upset, but she might think of you as more of a cheap person now than before.

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TheJenniMae − I feel like as the admin, she’s probably worth a lot more to you all than she’s actually paid. Being an admin is a LOT of multi-tasking that’s interrupted frequently. It can get pretty stressful in the best of times - even moreso for someone expected to drop her workload anytime someone else wants a food run.

The fact that you only think she’s worth throwing a coffee from time to time if it’s FREE kind of speaks to how much you actually value her as an employee. A few extra bucks for something small that shows you appreciate her goes a really long way to make an employee feel appreciated. This situation probably reminded her that to you she’s at most only worth ‘free’, and now, not even that.

kmartimcfli − Yeah I mean it's seems part of her job if she's paid millage and she probably expects it..... Also I once worked as a courier and the millage reimbursement was way better than the actual cost of gas at the time. I also enjoyed the perk of being sent to cities i wouldn't normally go to so I could visit stores or restraunts (that I was sent to by others) and I saw this as a perk.

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One example, the closest trader Joe's to me is 30 miles away and id often be sent to a pharmacy that shared the building. On the a**hole end your view of her is really refreshing and if you feel bad maybe drop her a candy bar here or there or a 5 dollar gift card to use on her trips ..something like that

somanyjens − You're not an a**hole, you have the right to do what you want with your free coffee. However, from the possible perspective of your admin (having been one myself), this makes it obvious that you are not equals. I mean, everyone knows your job is more important than hers, it's unspoken, but I'll bet that free coffee made her feel extra appreciated.

Yes, she gets paid to do the errands but she probably doesn't make as much as everyone else. That's probably why her face registered disappointment, because it was a nice little thing that meant a lot to her. She probably has to clean all the breakroon dishes, too.

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Yes, that's her job, yes she gets paid to do it, yes she probably does it with a smile, but boy, it's nice when people recognize the little things you do.... Again, I can't guess how she feels. That's how I might feel though. I wouldn't be mad or offended, but it would remind me that I am not considered a co-worker. I am also kinda sensitive so take it or leave it 😃

Luxowell − A**hole, yes... But maybe lowercase 'a'. I realize she's reimbursed for miles, but consider as the assistant she probably doesn't make much. If you guys are sending her around much at all,

I bet it's at one time or another put a crunch on her gas budget. At least in the short term. She probably wouldn't say anything because it would be an embarrassing thing to admit for some people. Just another thing to take into account.

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ShirtlessGirl − Why does your admin fetch you coffee?

Rivka333 − This is kind of a gray area. But to keep things simple, I'll say sort of the a**hole.. You're not *technically* obliged to give her anything, since it is part of her job. But at the same time, whether part of her job or not, she was still doing something for you, and it was a part of unwritten courtesy to have been doing something to show appreciation..

And also, it might be a bit hurtful since you were doing it regularly, and then suddenly stopped. Lastly, are you and your coworker hard up for money or something? (I doubt it, but if you were, you shouldn't be ordering from starbucks to begin with). Why is your coworker so excited about this 'great deal'?

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Uyulala88 − NTA, I’m an admin assistant and while I’m very rarely asked to run such tasks, if I were in the girls shoes, I would be disappointed but not upset. It’s part of the job. She’s paid for it and reimbursed (just as I am) the coffee is just extra.

I would never expect someone in the office to give me coffee just for getting theirs. It has happened but I would never expect it. She had a good thing going but now it’s over and she can buy her own coffee from now on. If you feel bad, get her a Starbucks gift card.

These Redditors dished out cheers for the employee’s generosity and side-eyes for overlooking the admin’s feelings. Some saw the coffee as a job perk; others called it a vital morale boost. But do these hot takes stir the full pot, or are they just frothy opinions?

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This Starbucks saga brews a lesson: tiny gestures can carry grande weight in the workplace. The employee’s choice sparked a ripple of disappointment, reminding us how much appreciation matters in roles like the admin’s. Whether it’s a free latte or a kind word, small acts can sweeten the daily grind. What would you do if you were in this employee’s shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation percolating!

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