AITA for refusing to allow my parents to track my phone that I pay for?

In a quiet suburban home, tension simmers around the dinner table as a 17-year-old stands their ground, clutching a phone they’ve paid for with hard-earned cash. The air feels thick with defiance and parental frustration, as a battle over autonomy unfolds. This isn’t just about a device—it’s about trust, independence, and the blurry line between childhood and adulthood. With only months until they turn 18, the teen faces a dilemma: submit to their parents’ demand for control or hold firm and risk punishment.

The situation exploded when the teen’s younger brother racked up a hefty Robux bill, prompting their parents to tighten the reins with Family Link, a restrictive app. Now, they want it on the teen’s phone too, despite the teen footing the bill. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of unfairness—why should a near-adult face the same rules as an 8-year-old? This gripping tale of family dynamics and personal freedom sets the stage for a heated debate.

‘AITA for refusing to allow my parents to track my phone that I pay for?’

So, I (17m) pay for my own phone. I bought it myself, and I pay for my own data, since my parents stopped paying for me once I got a job. My brother (8m) spent about $150 dollars on robux because he's 8 and doesn't understand money yet. He got in huge trouble, the concept of money was explained to him, and my parents put something called family link on his iPad.

However, now they want to put it on my phone as well, because 'We have to make sure you don't spend money or spend too much time on your device as well!' and 'It's only fair, because your brother has to deal with it!' I told them that I pay for my phone, so they don't have a say in what I do on it.

I also told them that I'm almost an adult, and they'd have to take it off in a few months anyway. I ALSO reminded them that only MY debit is connected to my phone, not theirs, so I wouldn't spend their money anyway. They were furious and told me that they are my parents and I have to listen to them,

and if I don't put this on, they will take away my phone altogether. I once again told them that I pay for everything on it, and since they don't, that would be stealing. They were very mad and grounded me 'until you get your head screwed on right' They are obviously just waiting for me to crack, but I'm not planning to.

I only have like 3 months until I'm 18, but I don't know if I can wait that long. I want to know if I'm in the wrong. If I am, I'll agree to it, but I don't think this is fair to me, since I did nothing wrong, my brother did, and I can't even spend their money online anyway.

Navigating parental control at the cusp of adulthood is like walking a tightrope—balancing respect with independence. The teen’s clash with their parents highlights a common struggle: when does oversight become overreach? The parents’ push for Family Link, a tool designed for younger kids, feels like a knee-jerk reaction to their younger son’s mistake. Yet, their 17-year-old, who pays for their phone, is caught in the crossfire, facing rules that don’t fit their maturity.

This scenario reflects a broader issue: the tension between parental authority and a teen’s growing autonomy. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 59% of parents monitor their teens’ devices, but only 28% continue past age 16, recognizing increased independence (pewresearch.org). The parents’ insistence on identical rules for an 8-year-old and a 17-year-old ignores developmental differences, creating friction.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, notes, “As teens near adulthood, parents must shift from control to guidance, fostering trust over surveillance” (nytimes.com). In this case, the teen’s financial independence underscores their readiness for responsibility, making Family Link feel like a punishment rather than protection. The parents’ threat to seize the phone escalates the conflict, risking trust.

For solutions, open dialogue is key. The teen could propose a compromise, like sharing screen-time reports without invasive tracking, to ease parental concerns while preserving autonomy. Parents should focus on trust-building, acknowledging the teen’s maturity. Setting clear boundaries, like discussing app purchases, can prevent future conflicts without stifling independence.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s hot takes are as spicy as a family argument over the last slice of pizza. Here’s what the community had to say:

plscallmeRain − NTA. Don't let them put that on your phone. You are almost an adult, they are behaving inappropriately.

themissingsock311 − NTA you're on a different account and your phone is not connected to their finances. 'it's only fair' doesn't hold any water when there's such a large age difference between you and your brother. Equitable does not mean equal.

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Perfect-Aardvark9855 − What stood out to me, was that they seem to think s 17 year old and an 8 year old need to have the same rules.. Ok, lots of other things are weird too and OP you are right.. NTA.

bettymoose − Family Link is a Google app and due to terms of service, doesn't work on users 13 & older. In order for it to function properly, you would need a Google account & email that is handled by your parents since children under 13 aren't allowed an unsupervised Google account.

Family Link restricts EVERYTHING. It's a PITA. I had it on my younger daughters phone and it rendered it useless. She had some classes that used YouTube and Family Link blocks YouTube (but not YouTube Kids) and there was no way to make an exception.

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We gave her a Google gift card for in app purchases for a game she plays and we lost the ENTIRE amount of the gift card because family Link doesn't allow for users to have access to the funds, it has to be put on the supervising account, even though it allowed us to upload the card to her account.

And to get rid of family Link? We had to completely close her Google account and make new everything (Google, Gmail, etc) to lift all the restrictions. And that was AFTER she turned 13 and google turned her account into an unsupervised account. She lost all her progress she had made in her game, emails, everything. Family Link is the worst.

You are 17. You pay for your own phone. There really isn't any reason for your parents to have something like that on your phone. Edited to add: Family Link restricts every app that has a user minimum age of 13. This includes some school apps.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. I'm not a lawyer, but if you have proof that you bought the phone and you pay for it, I'm not sure they can refuse to let you have it. My friend went through this with her ex, daughter and stepmom. Stepmom wanted to put some kind of tracker thing on daughter's phone.

She refused and she took it but daughter won't giver her the passcode and then refused to give it back when she went home from visitation. Mom & cops showed up at the house with proof that the phone was purchased by mom, mom pays the bills and stepmom had to return it. I don't know if that would work for you, but you could ask.

[Reddit User] − My parents have family link on my phone, and it is the WORST. Don't agree to it, but be prepared to suffer for the next 3 months because your parents probably won't back down either.. NTA

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Kufat − NTA. I do think it'd be worth the effort for OP to stand firm on this issue. The kind of helicopter parents who want to put software like this on their 17.75 year old's phone are the kind of parents who won't take it off when the kid turns 18. (How many posts do we see here from young adults whose parents don't respect their autonomy? It's not a small number.)

LadyArticuno − NTA. You’re almost 18. You’re also responsible enough to pay for your own phone, and therefore they have no right to do anything with it.Also I’ve got to seriously question your parents for allowing their 8 year old to go on Robux obviously unsupervised. They seem like the ones that need to get *their* heads screwed on right.

Fae__Dragon_Princess − NTA it’s your money. If they want to control things, they need to buy you a phone and pay for the plan. It’s ridiculous to try to control how you use your own money when you’ve already proven you’re responsible since you’re paying your own bills.

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But I’m honestly kind of worried for you. I hope you’ve been saving up to just move out at 18 because I get the feeling that they’ll do something like kick you out or threaten to when you turn 18 since you’re legally an adult. So be prepared to hold your ground until you turn 18 and then move out immediately afterwards.

Just in case. Even if you can’t afford your own place yet (like if you’re in school or something so you can’t get a full time job quite yet, for example), see if anyone is willing to house you for a while so you can figure things out. Family, friends, someone.

I don’t know your parents, so I can’t be sure, but if they made you pay for your own phone just because you got a job and are now upset and punishing you because you won’t let them control what you do with things you’ve purchased with that money, I feel like the next few months and afterwards won’t be great.

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Shoddy-Secretary-712 − I'm sorry, but what 8 year old doesn't understand that robux is real money. And why wasn't there a password involved for the purchase?

These opinions are loud and clear, but do they capture the full picture? Or are Redditors just cheering for the underdog?

This tale of a teen’s stand against parental tracking is a relatable rollercoaster of emotions—frustration, defiance, and the quest for independence. As the teen nears 18, their fight for control over their own phone sparks a bigger question about trust in families. What would you do if you were in their shoes? Would you cave to keep the peace or hold your ground? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s get this conversation buzzing!

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