AITA for refusing to pay my neighbor’s vet fees after his dog was run over in my driveway?

In the pre-dawn chill, a nurse hurries to her carpool van, her breath visible in the winter air. She notices her neighbor’s side gate ajar but, pressed for time, rushes on. Moments later, a heartbreaking accident unfolds as the van backs over the neighbor’s dog, which had wandered into their driveway. The loss leaves a once-cordial relationship in tatters.

This Reddit AITA post dives into a wrenching clash of grief and responsibility. Devastated, the neighbor demands the family cover the vet bills, blaming them for the tragedy. Their refusal, citing his failure to secure the dog, escalates tensions, with icy silence and a new fence now dividing their properties. It’s a story that stirs empathy and debate about who bears the burden when accidents strike.

‘AITA for refusing to pay my neighbor’s vet fees after his dog was run over in my driveway?’

I (33M) live with my mom who is in her mid sixties. We previously had a cordial if not exactly friendly relationship with our next door neighbor. This has usually meant friendly hellos and smalltalk when we happened to run into each other when throwing out the trash or picking up the mail.

My neighbor lives with his wife and kids and keeps dogs as pets. He's the type of pet owner that basically leaves his dogs outside for most if not all of the day. We know this because the dogs basically bark up a storm nonstop whenever we make any sort of movement in the back yard or walk by the side door and I have never known the dogs not to be there.

We're mostly ok with this as we don't spend a ton of time in the back yard and we don't hear the dogs from inside our house. To the issue at hand - my mom is a registered nurse who works relatively early morning in the morning. She gets picked up at around 5:45-6am every morning via carpool to go to work.

A few weeks ago, while on her way out to the carpool, she noticed my neighbor's side gate was open but was in a hurry to get to work and didn't think much of it. Unfortunately, while the carpool van was backing out of the driveway, it ran over one of my neighbor's dogs. The dog was quickly rushed to the vet but ultimately didn't make it.

Our neighbor was understandably devastated and we totally empathize with him as we have cats and we keep them mostly indoors for fear of the same thing happening. After his dog's death, our neighbor approached us and asked either us or someone associated with the carpool to pay for the vet bills.

He clearly blamed his dog's death at least partially on us and thought that someone should take responsibility. We told him we were sorry about what happened to his dog but we didn't feel as though it was our responsibility since a) it was on him to make sure his dog was secure and b) my mom wasn't the one driving the carpool.

The carpool driver also said that my neighbor was at fault for not keeping track of his dog so he didn't want to help pay either. It's clear at this point that our neighbor basically hates us for what happened to his dog and that probably won't change but I think us saying no to helping pay his vet bills made things much worse.

Now he doesn't even make eye contact with us when we see him and has started erecting a large fence between our property and his.. So are we TA for not agreeing to help him with his vet bills?.

EDIT:Some more details. Yes it happ ened recently so it is the winter and at 6am, it was dark outside. My mom was not driving the car so obviously we have to take the word of the driver but he says he checked his back and side mirrors before setting off and didn't see anything.

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I couldn't tell you the precise breed of the dog but I would say it was a medium-small sized dog perhaps around the size of a cocker spaniel. Some commented that we should have put the driver and neighbor in touch which we did.

The driver didn't want to pay and told him why but it was also a bit of an odd situation because our neighbor apparently did not want to meet up in person to talk about it because he didn't want to actually see the person who ran over his dog in person again.

Pet loss is devastating, and this neighbor’s grief is palpable, but assigning blame requires clarity. The open gate allowed the dog to wander, a clear lapse in the owner’s responsibility. Yet, the carpool driver’s role in the accident, though unintentional, fuels the neighbor’s anger. Both sides feel wronged in this tragic mishap.

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Veterinary expert Dr. Gary Richter notes, “Responsible pet ownership includes securing animals to prevent accidents”. The neighbor’s habit of leaving dogs outside unsupervised, especially with an unsecured gate, heightened the risk. In the U.S., over 100,000 dogs are hit by vehicles annually, per the Humane Society, often due to inadequate containment.

This incident reflects broader issues of shared responsibility in neighborhoods. The driver’s claim of checking mirrors suggests due diligence, but darkness and the dog’s size may have obscured visibility. The neighbor’s refusal to meet the driver hints at emotional overwhelm, complicating resolution. Both parties are victims of circumstance, but legal precedent typically holds owners liable for unsecured pets.

A compromise, like offering condolences or partial payment as a goodwill gesture, could have eased tensions, though not obligated. For future harmony, the family might initiate a calm discussion, acknowledging the neighbor’s loss while reinforcing the importance of pet security. Clear boundaries, like the new fence, may help prevent further conflicts.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit leaned heavily toward supporting the man, arguing the neighbor’s failure to secure his dog caused the tragedy. Users called the demand for vet bill payment unreasonable, emphasizing that pet owners bear primary responsibility for their animals’ safety.

Some acknowledged the neighbor’s grief but maintained the accident was unavoidable for the driver, especially in the dark. A few suggested the driver’s actions warranted scrutiny, but most agreed the open gate was the root issue, with the fence seen as a silver lining for future peace.

[Reddit User] - NTA. It is his responsibility to secure his dogs.. He sounds like a s**tty dog owner.. He’s doing you a favor with the fence. Fences make the best neighbors.

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ringdangdoothefirst - Nta. That's literally why you dont let your dog just roam the neighborhood freely.

missguided8811 - NTA — the dog was not supervised and was not on a leash. If the dog ran into the road (which it may have done if not already hit by you guys) it would have been hit as well. It’s your neighbor’s responsibility. Don’t even entertain this. He can push it to small claims if he wants, but you’ll win. I’d ignore him.

caro1007 - Gonna say ESH. Of course in a perfect world the dog owner would have complete control over everything the dog does. But we live in reality and s**t happens. Our neighbor has a dog that dug under their fence once time and got out. When I was a kid I had a dog that would run outside barreling past me and I couldn't stop it.

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Recently we had my moms dog at our house and she charged our door and broke the lock like some kind of l**atic and had a joyful run all through our neighborhood while I looked like a winded i**ot trying (and failing) to chase her down.

I do think that the neighbor shouldn't have come at you expecting full payment of the bills. It's still their dog and they do need to accept their role in what happened. But the person driving the car did run a f**king dog over. It was an accident but they need to accept their role in what happened.

the_paradox_lounge - NTA, not your responsibility and your mom’s carpool driver had no reason to expect a dog to be out there. That’s terrible that your neighbor’s dog died, he’s understandably devastated, but ultimately it’s on him to secure his dog and he needs to pay his vet bills. It was circumstance, not malice.

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mairisaioirse - When I was an insurance agent, we had a case where a clients dog ran into the road and a car hit it. The dog was fine, but the car was damaged. The dog owners renters insurance had to pay for the damage of the car.. NTA. The dog shouldn’t have been secured and it’s an unfortunate accident, but not your fault anyway.

Earwigoatmeal - NTA. You didn't give him permission to let his dog hang out in your driveway. He is at fault

Reasonable_racoon - He's responsible for keeping his dogs secure. He doesn't sound like a caring dog-owner. It's his fault. You, your mother and the driver have no responsibility here. You shouldn't pay him a penny. NTA he doesn't even make eye contact with us when we see him and has started erecting a large fence between our property and his.. Sounds like a good result.

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Amour_fati - INFO. Was the driver at all negligent? Did your mom say 'Hey, the neighbor's gate is open. Watch out for their dog'? Was it a small dog that's hard to see or something more the size of a small child? Was there a backup camera? Did the driver look at it? How fast were they going? Clearly, the neighbor's partly to blame, but I have no idea whether anyone else is to blame.

conflict8 - NTA. Not your damn fault that your neighbors can’t watch their dog. It’s not like you purposely ran the dog over, it was an accident due to an owner being irresponsible.

This story lays bare the pain of loss and the complexity of blame in neighbor disputes. When accidents happen, how do we balance empathy with accountability? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar conflict with a neighbor, and how did you navigate it? What’s the best way to mend fences, literal or otherwise?

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