WIBTA if I cut my daughter’s hair?

In a cozy home filled with the giggles of a 4-year-old, a father found himself at a parenting crossroads. His daughter, tired of wrestling with her long locks, begged for a short haircut like her friend’s, her eyes sparkling with excitement. But her mother, wielding Elsa braids and weekend visits, pushed back, leaving the girl tangled in knots—literally and figuratively. Now, the dad faces a tough call: honor his daughter’s wish or risk a co-parenting clash.

This tale of tiny tresses and big tensions dives into the heart of family dynamics. Should a father let his daughter’s voice shine, or tread carefully to keep the peace? Let’s unravel this hairy situation and explore the delicate balance of parenting and autonomy.

‘WIBTA if I cut my daughter’s hair?’

I (32m) have primary custody of my daughter (4f) and she's constantly telling me she wants short hair. She hates having to deal with her long hair, she has a friend with short hair and she tells me she wants it that way. I don't have a problem with it, it's her hair and it grows back.

But her mom (29f) keeps saying no and spending her time with our daughter (every other weekend) convincing her that she wants to keep her long hair by saying things like 'Elsa has long hair' then putting it in braids and not brushing them out before bed so she ends up with all sorts of knots.. Would I be the a**hole if I just got her hair cut to see what she (my daughter) thinks?

Edit: daughter has had a trim before, mother was warned and was not happy. It's also not always the most cooperative environment, there's a big chance of 'daddy cut off your long hair now you can't have an Elsa braid' to make our daughter upset and resent me.

Edit 2: thanks to everyone I really appreciate everyone's input and I got some great ideas for the situation too which I had not thought of. I'm gonna talk it over with my daughter again soon and make sure it's still definitely something she wants to do then get it done.

Co-parenting can be tricky when a child’s wishes spark disagreement. The father’s support for his 4-year-old’s short haircut request fosters her autonomy and confidence, vital at this age. Dr. Tovah Klein, a child development expert, notes that such choices empower young children. The mother’s push for long hair and neglectful braiding, however, risks undermining this, prioritizing her preferences over her daughter’s comfort.

The mother’s potential manipulation, like blaming “daddy,” could confuse the child. About 40% of kids in split households face inconsistent parenting, causing stress. Klein suggests notifying the mother beforehand, framing it as the child’s choice, to ease tension.

A gradual cut, like a bob, could test the preference. The father should document discussions, given his primary custody.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s comment section snipped away at this drama with sharp support and practical tips. Here’s what they styled up:

Nex_Skala − NTA. You have primary custody, and your daughter wants to try it. Maybe she'll like it, maybe she won't, but like you said 'it's her hair and it grows back.' Tell mom to get an American Doll or something to braid.

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pinguthegreek − NTA but I’d perhaps have her hair cut to shoulder length or a longer bob first so that if she doesn’t like the reality, it’s not a long wait to grow it back. If she decides after that she wants it properly short, go for it !

dingthewitchisdeaf − she's constantly telling me she wants short hair. NTA

whatsmypassword73 − NTA, you are the primary parent. I would recommend you do it as a slow transition to make sure it’s what your daughter wants. So if her hair is down to her rib cage, go shoulder length. Let her see how it feels and how she likes it, if she wants to go shorter, then next haircut go for a bob. If she still wants to go shorter add bangs,

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and if she’s still wanting short, then you can go for it. There is a ton of space between long hair and a pixie cut, slow and gradual is a lot easier to manage than going for a pixie and having your daughter freak out. Your ex sounds like she’s going to undermine your decision but I sure hope she will be mature enough to not make your daughter feel sad.

Shlaffytaffy − NTA. Just let your daughter get a haircut. It's not brain surgery, you don't need permission from her mom

[Reddit User] − NTA, My mom was the same way. I begged and begged for short hair and she never let me cut it. By the time I was 5 I had to lift my hair up before I sat down and it gave me headaches because of how heavy it was. Getting it cut would save you a lot of trouble in the long run. Eventually she'll have the same idea I did and just get so sick of it she cuts it off herself.

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raya333 − NTA. i dont understand why moms are so obsessed with their daughters having long hair. its so weird to me

DinaFelice − NTA, but you should warn her mom, not just do it secretly. That way, she can get her emotions out before it happens and not just dump them on your daughter. (Ideal timeline would be something like texting her on Monday night with 'Daughter still says she wants her hair short. Bodily autonomy is important,

so I'll be taking her for a haircut later this week and let her tell the hairstylist what she wants'. Tuesday afternoon, get the haircut, and text mom a picture with the caption 'Here's Daughter, excited about her new look'... Then her mom has 3 days to deal with her own emotions and hopefully not be shocked by the change)

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xdaemonisx − NTA. Hair is the easiest thing to let kids have input on. As long as she wants something reasonable (like short hair) there’s no harm in it. It grows back.

eesdonotitnow − NTA. This is your daughter starting to assert control over her own body. Hair grows back, a haircut isn't forever.

These Redditors cut through the tension, but do their suggestions hold up? This haircut saga’s got everyone buzzing.

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This hairy tale shows how a simple haircut can tangle up family ties. The father’s instinct to honor his daughter’s wish clashes with her mother’s resistance, highlighting the tricky dance of co-parenting. A child’s voice deserves to be heard, but so does the need for harmony. Would you snip the locks or keep the peace? Share your stories and thoughts below—let’s keep this chat flowing!

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