AITA For telling my wife that her mom needs to help out or get out?

Gregory Houston Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, the hum of daily life—diapers, deadlines, and dog walks—takes a tense turn. A young couple, juggling careers and a toddler, faces an unexpected houseguest: the husband’s mother-in-law (MIL), whose prolonged stay is fraying nerves. Her presence, meant to be temporary, feels like a permanent fixture, stirring frustration. Readers can’t help but wonder: how do you balance family loyalty with personal boundaries? This Reddit tale dives into that messy, relatable clash, sparking debates about duty and fairness.

The husband’s exasperation is palpable as he navigates his MIL’s inaction. With vivid scenes of a cluttered living room and endless TV chatter, the story pulls us into their world. It’s a situation many know too well—when family overstays their welcome, testing patience and partnerships. Let’s unpack this drama and see where the lines are drawn.

‘AITA For telling my wife that her mom needs to help out or get out?’

My wife and I have been married for 4 years and have a 1-year old son. We both work full-time and our son goes to daycare during the week. Over the last 6-months or so, my MIL has been having troubles with her husband (my wife's step-dad, not bio dad).

There have been a handful of times where MIL has come to stay with us for a weekend under the guise of 'wanting time with her grandson' when I know it's because she's having trouble at home and wants an excuse to get out. I won't pretend to know the full details of her problems with her husband,

but I do know that MIL is a constantly negative person, has not worked in almost 10-years, doesn't drive, and can just generally be a lot to deal with. Well, as anyone could have predicted, MIL and her husband had a big fight about a month ago and she asked if she could stay with us for a while until things cooled down.

I asked multiple times about a specific timeline. Days, weeks, months? I got only vague answers from my wife and MIL, nothing concrete. I don't want my MIL to be left out in the cold, but I also do not want her living with us for the rest of her life. My wife assured me that it would be short term, MIL and step-dad always make up eventually.

She also said we could talk to daycare about changing our contract so that MIL could watch the kid at home and we save on childcare costs. That didn't work since if we change our contract we need to start the application process over again and might not get back in.

Since MIL doesn't work, she just sits at home all day watching TV, looking at her phone, and finding daily news stories about how terrible the world is that she feels the need to spout off about whenever my wife and I get home. She does walk our dog during the day, which helps, but that's about it.

She doesn't help with cooking, doesn't help with cleaning or laundry, just sits. I'm starting to see why step-dad fights with her a lot. But I've been keeping my mouth shut about it and putting on a smile because I understand she's in a tough spot. The other day I asked my wife if she's talked with her mom at all about her moving home, and she said she doesn't know.

MIL last told her that she doesn't want to move home, she likes it here. So I told my wife that if she's going to stay that there need to be some changes. She needs to find at least a part-time job, start helping more around the house, or find another place to stay.

She's fully capable of doing one or both of those things. I told her that I'm not expecting these changes to happen immediately, but we need to establish a timeline or MIL is going to just keep sitting on her ass all day. I told her I can not tolerate living like this for the rest of MIL's life.

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My wife understands and knows how her mom is, but she doesn't want to kick her out. I told her that I am going to give her the first opportunity to talk with her mom about this, or I will and I will probably be less nice and understanding about it. AITA?

Family dynamics can turn a home into a pressure cooker, especially with an extended guest like this MIL. The husband’s frustration stems from a classic boundary issue—when generosity clashes with entitlement. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Clear communication and mutual respect are the bedrock of healthy relationships” (Gottman Institute). Here, the MIL’s lack of contribution disrupts that balance, leaving the couple strained.

The husband’s demand for change reflects a need to reclaim control. His wife, torn between loyalty to her mom and her marriage, faces a tough choice. This isn’t just about chores; it’s about power dynamics. The MIL’s inaction—lounging while others toil—signals a deeper issue: dependency. Studies show that 1 in 5 adults over 50 rely on family for support (Pew Research), highlighting how common these tensions are.

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Gottman’s advice to “turn toward each other” applies here. The couple must unite, setting firm boundaries with the MIL. A part-time job or household help could restore balance, but only if enforced. Satirically, one might say the MIL’s sofa-surfing skills are Olympic-worthy, but her free ride must end. Solutions include a clear timeline for her stay and shared responsibilities, ensuring fairness without guilt.

For the wife, a gentle but firm talk with her mom is key. If that fails, the husband’s direct approach, though less diplomatic, may be necessary. Compromise—perhaps MIL pays nominal rent—could ease tensions. Ultimately, protecting the marriage comes first, as unchecked resentment risks long-term damage.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid and spicy takes. Here’s what the community had to say about this sticky family saga:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You and your wife, in a united front, need to approach your MIL and lay down the rules. 'She can stay for X days. If she wants to stay longer she needs to get a job (and perhaps pay Y in rent). Even with a job, she can stay no longer than Z weeks.:

The most important thing is that you and your wife have to be in agreement and you need to have your talk with MIL all together. If you wife takes this message to your MIL by herself, your MIL will most likely talk your wife out of it.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She may have raised your wife, but if she's not willing to do anything, she's just an endless vortex. Tell her that if she wants to stay she needs to start helping out. Also, you make it sound like she's overstaying her 'I'm a guest' window an starting to creep into the 'I'm part of the family' phase. Make this clear to her.

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Heckin_Hoot − NTA. I really dislike entitled parents. The whole 'I *chose* to give birth to you so supporting me for the rest of my life is your responsibility.' I bet when the convo finally comes up MIL freaks about how 'awful and cruel' her children are.

uhhhhhriana − NTA and I think you went about it in a good way, at least w letting your wife have a chance to speak to her first

highwoodshady − NTA. The more you do for your mother in law, the less she'll do for herself. Take the bull by the horns and have the conversation because it sounds like this living arrangement is becoming untenable. The time has come for her to shape up or ship out. The longer she's attached to your sofa, the tension is going to simmer and become a bigger problem.

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UnusualOfficeAnt − NTA - ofc she likes a rent free place where you and your wife does all the work for her. I can see in your responses that you already know that if nothing changes, she could be on your couch for a long time. So even if it's hard for your wife to talk to her mother about these things you need to do it.

And if your wife can't do that, then it's perfectly fine for you to do it and even in a less understanding manner, as it's your home and therefor your rules. I hope she works it out with her husband and gets out of your hair, but I also hopes this will serve as a wakeup call for your wife and her mother as this kind of behavior isn't acceptable, even if she is family.

5373n133n − NTA, however she’s your wife’s mother, it’s always better to let the spouse deal with their own family. Going over her head and putting down rules on your own might backfire and cause trouble in your own relationship. Your requests are reasonable so you just need a united front. Or charge her rent. If it’s high enough she might move back out or move to a place of her own

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HeadHyena − NTA. I don’t get why you’re putting up with this at all. She’s a grown ass woman. She needs to go home. She can’t run away every time she doesn’t like something and she is not your guys responsibility. I really don’t get how she lives her life that way and thinks it’s okay

vixenlion − NTA MIL needs to understand responsibilities or she will sponge off of you for the next year.

LadyLeaMarie − NTA.. It's perfectly reasonable that if there's another adult living in the house that they contribute to the household. I have a friend who's had an adult relative living in her parents home for roughly 20 years now, and let me tell you it's not been pretty, and it's progressively gotten worse.

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These Redditors cut straight to the chase, but do their blunt verdicts hold up in real life? One thing’s clear: the internet loves a good boundary-setting showdown.

This tale of a freeloading MIL and a fed-up husband hits home for anyone navigating family ties. It’s a reminder that love doesn’t mean limitless tolerance. The couple’s next steps—united front or solo showdown—will shape their home’s harmony. What would you do if a relative turned your couch into their kingdom? Share your thoughts below and spill your own family drama stories!

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