AITA for telling my daughters that I made a mistake by choosing to stay in their lives?

In a quiet suburban home, the air crackles with unspoken tension as a father faces his two daughters, their eyes blazing with accusations. Fourteen years after a bitter divorce, the scars of a broken family still fester, fueled by lies and resentment. This father, now in his late 40s, has endured years of hostility from his daughters, manipulated by their mother’s false narratives. Their latest confrontation, a heated demand for money, pushes him to a breaking point, where he voices a regret that changes everything. Can words spoken in pain unravel years of effort, or is this the release he’s secretly craved?

The story unfolds like a slow-burning drama, pulling readers into the heart of a fractured family. The father’s struggle to maintain a connection with his daughters, now 23 and 21, has been a relentless battle against a tide of misinformation. As readers, we’re left wondering: how much can one endure before the heart gives way? This tale invites us to explore the raw emotions of loyalty, betrayal, and the cost of holding on.

‘AITA for telling my daughters that I made a mistake by choosing to stay in their lives?’

My ex-wife and I got divorced 14 years ago. It was due to infidelity on her part. Our daughters were 9 and 7 at the time. The divorce was messy. She moved in with her affair partner and ended up with primary custody. I got every other weekend. It was a disaster from the very start.

The kids did not respond well to the changes. I tried to have a good co-parenting thing going but little did I know that my daughters were being turned against me. They would be angry and sullen each time they would visit and refuse to talk about what was wrong.

Tantrums, screaming, cursing became the norm. And that's when they were not totally withdrawn. They were being fed complete lies about me. How I didn't love them, how I was going to leave them for another family etc. It didn't improve with time. In their teens they cost me two very serious relationships with just the most venomous behavior.

They didn't even want to visit me anymore, but I insisted that they do. I don't know if that was a mistake or not. They pretty much cut me off when they turned 18. The only time they'd visit was to ask for money. I thought things would improve as they got older and saw through all the lies, but sadly it hasn't.

I think it never will. I'm just done at this point. At the start of this year they'd come to my house to ask for more money. When I refused they yelled at me again and said they wished I wasn't their father. Something broke inside me and I told them I wished I had just walked away from them. That if I hadn't stayed in their lives maybe I would have had an actual shot at a happy life.

Maybe they would have too. They looked shocked, and then screamed and cried and left. I haven't seen them since. No visits, no phone calls. Nothing.. It fills me with incredible guilt, but I almost feel relieved that they're not around anymore.. It was a terrible thing to say, but I can't help but feel like there was truth in it.. So. AITA?

This father’s story is a gut-wrenching example of parental alienation, where one parent’s influence poisons a child’s perception of the other. The daughters’ hostility, fueled by their mother’s lies, created a cycle of pain that’s all too common in fractured families. According to Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, a psychologist specializing in parental alienation, “Children manipulated into rejecting a parent often carry deep-seated loyalty conflicts, believing lies that align with the alienating parent’s narrative”.

The father faced a no-win situation: endure the daughters’ venom or risk confirming their fears of abandonment. His insistence on visitation, though well-intentioned, may have intensified their resentment, as they were caught in a tug-of-war of loyalties. The mother’s role in spreading falsehoods about his love and intentions likely deepened the rift, making trust nearly impossible.

This situation reflects a broader issue: parental alienation affects roughly 13-15% of children in divorced families, per studies from the American Psychological Association. The long-term impact can lead to estrangement, as seen here, where the daughters’ adult behavior—demanding money while rejecting connection—mirrors learned patterns of manipulation.

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Dr. Baker advises, “Rebuilding requires patience, consistent effort, and sometimes professional intervention, like therapy, to unpack the lies.” For this father, a structured conversation, perhaps through a letter or mediated discussion, could open a door to healing. He might express his pain while affirming his love, countering years of misinformation without blame. Therapy could help the daughters process their conflicted feelings, though their willingness remains uncertain.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, offering a mix of empathy and sharp takes on this family saga. Here’s what they had to say:

UndisclosedBird − NTA.. Tragic. But not the a**hole.. I wish you can find something that gives you happiness, though.

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SaltContribution2172 − NTA no doubt, very common. I used to think fathers that walked away were deadbeat. Now I know most don't stand a chance if the mother decides to demonise him.

[Reddit User] − NTA. There's only so much s**t and abuse a person can take, even if it is from their children. Be glad and enjoy your newfound freedom, get back into dating and stop feeling guilty. You stuck around when others would have walked long back. You did nothing wrong. Your crazy ex filled them with poison and now it seems your girls are ending up like her. I doubt they will see the light anytime soon. You did the best you can, be proud.

Babsgarcia − NTA - Sorry you've gone through this. Maybe it would help you 'move on' by writing out your story/your perspective...cold hard truths throughout, responsibilities for any of your own actions, etc. After it's done, *then* you can decide if you want to give them a copy, or try once to get together and ask them to sit while you read it to them, or even just feel better about 'giving up' and walking away. (Could even ensure they get a copy when you pass). Again, so sorry.

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Courin − I’ll probably get roasted for this but YTA.. They had their lives turned upside down, and according to you were fed lies. Those lies destroyed your relationship with your girls, and that in turn destroyed other relationships you tried to form afterwards..

You have every right to be upset at the situation. And your ex. But not at your kids. By your numbers they are 23 and 21 and for 14 years - 2/3rds of their lives, they’ve been painted a picture of you that is false. For the last 3-5 years (the period when they actually were adults) you’ve had almost no contact with them to help them realize how wrong they were.

But instead of trying to talk to them as adults, and ask them to look at the situation from your perspective, you told them you wished you had walked away - the VERY thing they were told all along you were going to do. The VERY thing they were most afraid of. You are the parent in this relationship.

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That doesn’t mean you have to take abuse. It doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat or an ATM.. But it does mean putting your kids first. But instead of asking them to sit down and talk about everything that happened, and try to forge a grown up relationship with them, you blew it up.. How can you be surprised at how they responded?

kw0510 − As a mum to a daughter who’s done with her dad can I ask some questions? I have never ever said a bad word about her dad to her. I’ve not needed to. When going to visit she wasn’t his focus, he wouldn’t ask how she was during the times when she wasn’t with him.

He would very rarely spend what little time he got (every other weekend) doing things that she enjoyed, he wouldn’t find out what her current interests are m, he wouldn’t take the time to get to know her, they would just sit in the house watching TV with an occasional visit to the park.

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He never made birthdays or Christmas feel special. When he got a girlfriend he would do all the things she lived to do, leaving my daughter wondering why she wasn’t worth as much effort. Can you hands in heart say that you’ve done enough? As I know other children and dads who are really close despite mums slagging the dad off because the kids knew what was going on, they’re not daft!

They knew there dad fought for them and took an interest in every aspect of their lives. They ended up knowing that their Mom manipulated the truth, not because they was told, because it’s was obvious, just as the case with my daughter she can see zero effort from her dad

FloweryHawthorne − I don't know when this website became a place for telling assholes that they're not assholes... But telling your children that you wish you abandon them is definitely an a**hole thing to say!

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judgynewyorker − Well first off, this reads like Reddit MRA bait. Your lack of responses to hundreds of comments supports this too. Your ex 'ended up with primary custody' but as we should all know by now, this tends to happen when one party (fathers) do not ask for more.

9 out of 10 custody cases are decided *outside* the courtroom, so I'm guessing this wasn't some meanie sexist judge at work. Did you even try for 50/50? YTA for the sob story, most likely fake, and the ton of missing reasons designed to make you seem like a victim.

MissMurderpants − NTA They are adults. They only seem to expect you to bankroll them. For all their shut behaviors I have no problem with you cutting them off like that.. Go forth and try to find happiness.

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miaoverhere − The way you speak about your daughters suggests you never had a relationship with them. You ended up proving their mother correct.. YTA for blaming them when you are clearly happy to be rid of them.

These hot takes from Reddit range from heartfelt support to tough love, but do they capture the full complexity of a father’s breaking point? Some see him as a victim of circumstance, others as a parent who faltered under pressure. What’s clear is the divide in perspectives—much like the divide in this family.

This father’s story leaves us grappling with the weight of words spoken in despair and the long shadow of a broken family. His regret, though harsh, reflects years of unhealed wounds and a desperate bid for peace. Could he have approached his daughters differently, or was this moment inevitable? What would you do if you faced a similar rift with loved ones? Share your thoughts—have you navigated family estrangement, and how did you find resolution?

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