AITA for not forgoing my ‘upgraded’ seat on the plane so a single mother with two young children could have a spare seat next to them?

Boarding an 11-hour flight feels like stepping into a high-stakes game of comfort roulette, and one traveler thought they’d hit the jackpot with an unexpected aisle seat. On a packed Airbus A380, the hum of anticipation filled the cabin as passengers shuffled to their spots, but tension brewed when a single mother with two young kids eyed the traveler’s seat like a pirate spotting treasure.

This sky-high drama unfolded as the mother, hoping to claim an entire row for her family, realized her gamble on an empty middle seat had failed. The traveler, savoring the extra legroom, faced a subtle push to move to a cramped middle seat elsewhere. The mother’s quiet frustration set the stage for a classic clash of personal space versus empathy, pulling us into a tale of airplane etiquette gone awry.

‘AITA for not forgoing my ‘upgraded’ seat on the plane so a single mother with two young children could have a spare seat next to them?’

This happened a few months ago on an 11 hour long haul flight. I fly on staff discount, so I do not get a choice of seats, which usually means I get the s**t seats no one else wants. The plane was a large Airbus A380, I was seated in economy and in seat '45B' (so i'm seated between the window seat and aisle seat on the left side of the aircraft).

The staff had mentioned the flight was very full... only very few spare seats left. I board the plane, and see the window and aisle seat either side of me are not occupied yet. I sit down in my allocated seat. A woman with a little girl around 3 years old, and a 10 month old baby boy, make their way up the aisle to my row.

It's clear the mother booked the aisle and window seat hoping that no one would chose the middle seat and she would have the row to herself. Now there is a problem because I am here. She looked unhappy. I get up to let them in and she tells me her 3 year old will sit in the window seat, she and baby will sit in the middle, and I can have the aisle.

SWEET I think to myself. I get the aisle now instead of the middle seat. YAY. Before we even took off, the mother had asked the flight attendant if there was a spare seat I could move to so she could have the row to herself. She didn't ask me if I wanted to move, just asked the FA to find a seat for me to move to.

FA said I couldn't move until after take off, but would see what she could do. After takeoff, the mother asked again and after some searching, FA was able to find a spare seat a few rows down in the middle of the aircraft. In the VERY middle. Like 1 person left of me and 2 people to the right of me. My least favorite seat.

The Flight Attendant was sympathetic to me, and asked me if I wanted to move, but I said No. I just told the mother that her and her children really weren't bothering me (which is true), and since I'm a bit taller I prefer the extra room. She was pretty unhappy the rest of the flight.

Was this wrong? On one hand I can understand how annoying it would be to sit 11 hours with a big baby on your lap, and entertaining another kid all whilst crammed into two seats. As well, it's not like I paid extra for an aisle... I was actually booked in the middle but preferred to stick with the aisle next to her kids than move to a middle seat again.

But on the other... she should have just booked the whole row. She booked two seats, she got two seats. There was obviously a possibility this could happen and I really really didn't want to give up my aisle seat..... Am I the A**hole?

Airplane seating disputes can turn a routine flight into a battleground of personal priorities. The traveler’s decision to keep their aisle seat, despite the mother’s indirect plea for more space, underscores a clash between self-care and compassion. The mother’s tactic—enlisting the flight attendant without speaking to the traveler—fueled the awkwardness, hinting at an assumption that her needs trumped others’.

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This incident mirrors a wider debate about airline travel norms. A 2019 YouGov survey found 57% of passengers feel no obligation to swap seats if it inconveniences them. The mother’s strategy of booking only two seats, banking on a free row, is a common but risky move on near-full flights. Her frustration, while relatable, stemmed from her own planning rather than the traveler’s choice.

Dr. Irene Levine, a travel etiquette expert, states, “Passengers aren’t required to trade seats, especially when it disadvantages them”. The traveler’s preference for legroom over a worse seat aligns with this perspective, while the mother’s entitlement, bypassing direct communication, weakened her case. Levine’s insight suggests mutual respect is key in such conflicts.

To navigate similar situations, open dialogue could ease tensions. The mother might have fared better by politely explaining her needs directly. For travelers, weighing personal comfort against others’ requests is fair, but no one’s obligated to sacrifice it. Parents can avoid such risks by booking all necessary seats or arranging family accommodations with the airline in advance.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit weighed in with fiery opinions, largely siding with the traveler. Most users felt the mother’s gamble on a free seat was her own misstep, and her indirect approach using the flight attendant as a middleman came off as entitled. The consensus was clear: you book two seats, you get two seats, and expecting a free third is a risky bet.

Commenters also praised the traveler for staying firm, noting they weren’t responsible for the mother’s discomfort. Many pointed out that politeness might have swayed the outcome, but the mother’s high-handed tactics sealed her fate. Reddit’s take was blunt: plan better, or live with the consequences of a crowded flight.

SnausageFest − So she didn't just want your seat, she wanted a 3rd seat when she booked two? What a clown. Totally not the a**hole.

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[Reddit User] − Not the a**hole. And who knows, if she’d been polite, asked you directly and made her case, maybe you would have done her a favor. But seems like she wanted the air host to do her dirty work.

thedemonrko − Not the a**hole, if she wanted an extra seat she should have paid for it like you said. You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable on an 11 hour flight because she planned poorly for her comfort.

alwaysoffended88 − She’s the a**hole for volunteering to move you to a different seat without even speaking to you about it. People amaze me sometimes, seriously, who TF does that!? Good for you for standing your ground, or rather, staying in your seat.

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woollywy − Not the a**hole. When you gamble you win some and you lose some. She gambled and she lost. Next time she might think twice and pay for all three seats.

lizarrrds − Does she not understand that airlines automatically fill seats? It’s not a f**king movie theater where everyone gets to pick!

westcoastexpat − Not the a**hole. You're under no obligation to move to a worse seat. I've been the recipient of a similar - though not as egregious - request in the past, and I did not feel bad at all declining to move. Also, if she wanted to be comfortable for an 11 hour flight, maybe pay for a seat for the baby. Just because you _can_ have a lap kid, doesn't mean _must_.

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Plondon0 − NTA, my parents routinely book the window and aisle hoping no one will book the middle. If someone books it, they suck it up...however they don't move. Mother took a risk booking those seats, it's her problem her gamble didn't pay out.

hashtagtroublemaker − I think assholes don’t buy seats for their babies. Going on a quick car trip, 30 mph? Strap that precious cargo in the best car seat you can find! Gazillion mph on a plane, where one turbulence bump can send your baby’s head crashing to the ceiling... nah, I’ll risk it- seats are too much!

Akasgotu − No, you are not the a**hole. Asking to have you moved to another seat without even consulting with you first makes her an unbelievable a**hole. I'm glad you didn't move. It would have encouraged this high handed, entitled attitude in the future.

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This mid-air standoff reveals how quickly a flight can turn into a test of boundaries. The traveler’s choice to keep their aisle seat was less about selfishness and more about claiming their fair share of comfort. The mother’s failed plan reminds us that airline travel rewards preparation, not assumptions. Share your thoughts: would you hold your ground or offer up your seat in this situation?

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