AITA for not spending $35 on sister in law for my wedding?

Picture a bride-to-be pouring her heart—and wallet—into a dream wedding, only to face a $35 shawl showdown with her sister-in-law. Generously covering dresses for her bridal party, she drew the line at extra flair for the groom’s sister, who claims a “special role” deserves it. A family feud and a compromise later, the drama’s settled—but was she wrong to say no?

This wedding wallet tale dives into the balance of generosity and boundaries. Is she stingy for refusing, or justified in her gift? Let’s explore the story, hear Reddit’s take, and get an expert’s view on this bridal budget battle.

‘AITA for not spending $35 on sister in law for my wedding?’

I’m a bride getting married in a year and I personally am paying for all of the dresses for my 6 bridesmaids + maid of honour so they don’t have to worry about that expense as I know it can be a lot for some people. It’s a lot for me to cover this but I want my bridal party to not be so stressed and don’t want to be unfair asking them to pay a lot for dresses.

I’m ordering the dresses from an online store and my SIL mentioned she would like a shawl from the website. I said sure, I can add it to my order so you save on shipping and you can just wire me the $35 cost of the shawl. SIL got upset at this and said I should be paying for the shawl? I understand it’s only $35 but I said I’m already covering ALL the dresses (7 in all) which is already a lot,

and if you want something special to add to your look, you can get it on your own no problem? SIL claims that as the sister of the groom, it’s a special role and I shouldn’t be stingy for a $35 shawl for her as it’s not even a lot. (She has mentioned many times how as the SIL she should stand out and is special personally I believe my MOH

and best friend of 20 years is the special stand out one but I didn’t say anything). I said well if I spend $35 on you, I have to do the same for the entirety of the bridal party otherwise it’s unfair to my other friends and it’s going to cost me even more. I’m already covering all the dresses and I feel this is a substantial gift already.. Am I the a**hole?

Edit: Hi everyone, thank you so much for commenting, I really did not expect all the messages and support and I really appreciate it. Little update since my post - My FH and I spoke tonight and I mentioned some of what you wrote - he agreed and had a discussion (argument lol) with his sis about her entitlement and behaviour and he had my back it ended with her wiring me the money for the shawl (!!!)

which I have now ordered along with the dresses AND she agreed to only wear it AFTER the ceremony and photos, so basically at the reception she will put it on for those pictures so she can stand out there if she really wants. I don’t mind that since we’ll all be just dancing and stuff at the reception and it won’t be formal photos there anyways so wtv I’m good with that lol.

I asked my bridesmaids/MOH if they also wanted an accessory that they wanted to get for themselves and they just said no and that SIL is crazy lol. It’s ok (bit awkward) now with SIL and I, but I’m happy FH handled it and now she seems to have settled a bit with her “I’m special” mentality… for now lol. I did thank her for the money for the shawl.. Thanks again everyone, you all really helped. ❤️

This wedding expense spat is a test of fairness and entitlement. The bride-to-be, funding seven dresses to ease her bridal party’s burden, faced an unreasonable demand from her sister-in-law (SIL) for a $35 shawl, citing a “special role” as groom’s sister. Her refusal, rooted in equity for all, sparked tension, resolved only by family intervention and a compromise.

Research shows wedding costs often strain relationships. A 2022 Journal of Family Issues study notes that clear financial boundaries prevent resentment, which the bride upheld by limiting her generosity. The SIL’s push for standout status reflects entitlement, not tradition, as no cultural norm elevates the groom’s sister.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist, advises, “Generosity thrives with mutual respect, not demands.” The bride’s stance protected her budget and fairness, while the SIL’s retreat after confrontation suggests a lesson learned. The resolution—SIL paying and wearing the shawl post-ceremony—balances both sides.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community rallied with unanimous support, blending humor with firm backing. Here’s what they had to say:

stacity - NTA. You shawl not pass.. Edit: Wow! Thank you for the awards you kind strangers!

ADVERTISEMENT

Bitter-Conflict-4089 - My mom had a saying about women like your SIL. Kind of odd because she had her moments of being that type of woman. But, anyway. She would say, “Oh, look at her. She needs to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.”

Bitter-Conflict-4089 - NTA. Place the order for the 7 dresses. Send your future SIL the link for the shawl and call it good. If she wants to be entitled. She can go ahead and pay for her own shipping. How old is she. All this special “sister of the groom” crap. It sounds like she expects to be the bride at your wedding.

EastLeastCoast - NTA. Why is “sister of the groom” special? How weird. Secondly, if $35 “isn’t a lot” then why is she kicking up a fuss?

ADVERTISEMENT

LoveBeach8 - NTA. It never ceases to amaze me how greedy and totally ill-mannered some people can be! You just saved her the shipping and tax costs by offering to place her order with the dresses you so generously are paying for! And she wants more so she can look and feel extra special? What an AH!!!. EDIT: Don't cave!!

XANDERtheSHEEPDOG - NTA. Lol. She wants to 'stand out' at your wedding? Oh poor baby, an event that is not about her! The way I am reading this is, she is not the MOH or the mother of the bride/groom or.... you know.... the **bride**. She doesn’t need to stand out. She needs to get over herself.

Neat-Investment-3582 - Nta, I'd get the shawl for your MOH. i am petty.

ADVERTISEMENT

Left-Car6520 - NTA. Hoo boy she's a piece of work huh? No 'sister of the groom' is not a special role. She and everyone else knows that she just wants attention any way she can get it.. Just don't order the shawl. 'Sorry SIL, it wasn't part of the bridesmaids outfits that *I'm buying for everyone* and you said you didn't want to buy it yourself, so I figured you didn't want to get it after all.'

Stranger0nReddit - NTA. Her calling you 'stingy' when you are buying her a dress is just ridiculous to me. I mean, holy entitlement. This is not her day. not her wedding, and i've never heard that a SIL should stand out at a wedding (and i've been to A LOT of weddings).

Seems very much like she's just trying to guilt/bully you into buying her a shawl. PLEASE stand your ground. Buying the shawl for her opens the door up for her thinking she can pull this BS with you in the future.. Side note, how kind and generous of you to pay for the bridesmaid's dresses! Such a lovely gesture.

ADVERTISEMENT

ItisntRocketSurgery - NTA “No” is a complete sentence. She wants to “stand out” at your wedding and $35 isn’t a big deal? Fine, she can order and pay for her shawl.

These witty Reddit takes cheer the bride’s resolve, mocking the SIL’s entitlement with quips like “bride at every wedding.” Is the SIL’s role truly special, or just self-inflated? The consensus backs the bride’s boundary.

This wedding shawl saga shows that generosity has its limits. The bride’s refusal was a fair stand, softened by her fiancé’s support and a workable compromise. The SIL’s entitlement took a hit, but harmony’s restored—for now. Have you ever faced a wedding cost clash with family? What would you do to keep the peace and the purse? Share your thoughts below!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *