AITA for not helping my mom with rent because it would cut into my vacation fund?
Imagine a 19-year-old juggling dreams of a first vacation with the weight of a mother’s endless pleas for rent money. For one young woman, years of financially propping up her irresponsible mom and siblings came to a breaking point, sparking a bold “no” that left her family cold. With a trip on the horizon and a job transition looming, she’s torn between guilt and her own hard-earned freedom.
This heartfelt tale dives into the struggle of setting boundaries with family. Was her refusal a selfish escape, or a necessary stand for independence? Let’s explore the story, hear Reddit’s take, and seek an expert’s view on this financial family feud.
‘AITA for not helping my mom with rent because it would cut into my vacation fund?’
This financial standoff is a battle of responsibility versus self-preservation. The 19-year-old, having shouldered her mother’s burdens since 15, faces a pivotal moment by prioritizing her vacation savings. Her mother’s pattern of dependency, never repaying loans, has fostered resentment, while the young woman’s transition between jobs adds urgency to her stance.
Research highlights the impact of financial enmeshment. A 2021 study in Journal of Family Psychology shows that young adults supporting parents often face burnout and delayed milestones, like travel or education. Her “no” aligns with reclaiming her autonomy, though her mother’s guilt-tripping exploits familial ties.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness, especially when the pattern is one-sided.” The mother must face her own accountability, possibly with budgeting help, rather than leaning on her daughter. A conversation—perhaps with a mediator—could clarify expectations, ensuring the siblings’ needs aren’t neglected.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
The Reddit community rallied with strong support, blending empathy with firm advice. Here’s what they had to say:
![[Reddit User] − NTA It sounds like your mom forgot who the parent is in this situation. You say she's panicking and hustling to make up the money... let her. Let her panic. Let her hustle. You worked hard and saved up for your trip... it sounds like you need it. Don't let her irresponsibility take that away from you. You have every right to be fed up.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/324849c-14.png)
These passionate Reddit voices cheer her stand, urging her to break the cycle of enabling. Is her mother’s panic a wake-up call, or just more manipulation? The consensus backs her right to prioritize herself.
This financial tug-of-war highlights the power of saying “no” to grow. The young woman’s choice to safeguard her vacation reflects years of overdue self-respect, while her mother’s reaction calls for a shift in responsibility. A frank talk about boundaries could pave the way for a healthier dynamic—or a necessary distance. Have you ever had to refuse family help to focus on yourself? What advice would you give her? Share your thoughts below!
