AITA for not supporting my brother because I ’emotionally damaged’ by being the golden child?

Picture a family where one child shines brighter, showered with gifts and praise, while siblings linger in the shadows. For one 33-year-old man, being the “golden child” wasn’t all glory—it came with guilt and a hefty price tag. After bankrolling his siblings’ education, he’s now facing his youngest brother’s audacious demand for a monthly allowance, claiming “emotional damage” from their parents’ favoritism. The family’s claws are out, and the accusations are flying.

This Reddit tale dives into a tangled web of favoritism, sacrifice, and betrayal. The man’s refusal to fund his brother’s dropout dreams has sparked a firestorm, with parents and sibling loyalties split. It’s a story of breaking free from family expectations, leaving readers wondering: when does helping family cross into enabling? Join us as we unravel this charged sibling showdown.

‘AITA for not supporting my brother because I ’emotionally damaged’ by being the golden child?’

I (33M) have always known that I was the favorite child of all my siblings (27M, 25F and 23M). I always got the best things while my siblings got my hand me downs. I had the largest number of gifts and the most attention. All of this mostly because I am quite gifted academically.

Once I didn't get and favourable grade and my younger brother was blamed because je had been playing music when I was studying which was absolutely untrue and I tried to explain it to my parents but got grounded. During university, I had a full scholarship so my college fund remained mostly untouched.

When it was time for my brother to go to university he called me sobbing, my parents only saved for me and not my siblings.. I gave him what remained of my fund, adding enough to the amount to get him through university.. My sister got a partial scholarship and I paid the rest and living expenses. Both of them went no contact with our parents after moving out and I don't blame them. I, myself am low contact with them.

My bond with my brother and sister has improved a lot since then and we actually get along pretty well. My youngest brother decided he would take some gap years before going university. Our parents and him travelled the country and abroad during this time. My parents had send me loads of pictures of the three of them having fun with the son who 'actually cared' and that I was a disappointment..

When my youngest brother finally decided to go to university. He approached me and I agreed to pay. Here's why I stopped. A few days ago I got tagged in a video clip of him drunk and cussing me out. I messaged him later that I was extremely hurt but he brushed me off saying he didn't mean it. I let it go. A few days ago I met one of his friends from university and it turns out he had failed all his classes and was planning to drop out. 

I immediately called him and after a lot of questioning he finally confessed that he wanted to drop out. On being asked what he would do he simply said he I should support him and give him a monthly allowance (the amount he said was a average monthly salary in our area) due to emotionally damaging him. He said our parents had paid their dues and I still had to pay mine.

I told in that I won't under any circumstances just give him money for nothing and hung up. Since then I am being blasted with messages from my parents and youngest brother calling me selfish and an a**hole for not supporting my brother.

My other brother is with me on this but my sister said I should atleast consider it and if I can't then she will support him which I feel bad about because I am a much higher earner than her and could probably spare money while she has her own husband and child to look out for.. AITA?

This family drama cuts deep, exposing the scars of parental favoritism. The OP, once the “golden child,” stepped up heroically to fund his siblings’ education, only to face his youngest brother’s entitlement. The brother’s demand for an allowance, citing “emotional damage,” flips the script, casting the OP as the villain for setting boundaries. This isn’t just about money—it’s about breaking a cycle of unfair expectations.

Psychologist Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, author of The Favorite Child, notes, “Favoritism creates a hierarchy that burdens the favored child with guilt and the others with resentment” (source). The OP’s generosity healed some wounds, but his brother’s demand exploits that guilt, ignoring the OP’s own burdens.

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A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 58% of adults from families with favoritism report strained sibling relationships (source). The OP’s refusal protects his financial and emotional health. He could offer non-financial support, like career guidance, to show care without enabling.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up some piping-hot takes on this family feud! Here’s what they had to say:

lihzee − NTA at all. That is ridiculous. You didn't owe any of your siblings anything and have already gone above and beyond. Youngest brother needs to get a job and learn how to support himself.

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berry120 − NTA - you've absolutely gone above and beyond to support your siblings already, and your younger brother is now simply trying to take advantage of you. No-one has a right to call you selfish for not supporting him. If they want to see him supported financially, then that's up to them to provide that support.

bists − NTA. And all of you siblings need therapy to deal with the consequences of having such awful parents. But you most certainly should not support your feckless younger brother (your younger brother is now the golden child, let your parents deal with him)

gingercandy365 − NTA - as my parents least favorite child I would never ever expect my siblings to make up for our parents short comings. You were extremely generous and paid for their educations but it’s time your brother grew up and learned to be an adult

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Writesaurus − NTA. Being the golden child can be complicated and even hard, if you know you're the one and dislike it. But really, you did what you could and have been a responsible older brother! However, to make your sister happy too and to find out how damaged he is or not, you could offer that you would pay for therapy (which is probably cheaper as a salary). That would actually help him because he can't depend on his brother for all eternity.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You made up for your parent’ n**lect of your siblings by paying for school. While it was not your obligation to do so, it was extremely generous and likely healed a bit of hurt from the older sibs. Also, the emotional damage was done by your parents, not you.

But that’s the point: you are not obligated. And I’m also getting the weird feeling here that you weren’t the “golden child” for free. Did your parents ever say/do anything along the lines of “We are going to give our oldest everything so that one day, he can take care of the rest of the kids!” ?

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[Reddit User] − None of this makes any sense. You're both the overachiever and the disappointment? The hero and the victim? Your parents just handed you the money for your education even though you got a scholarship? They couldn't afford one brother's tuition but took the other on lavish vacations?

Evil_Mel − What the everlovinghell is this s**t? Providing this is real, NTA.

RaymondBeaumont − INFO: Why doesn't he get a job like everybody else?

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[Reddit User] − You've done your best to make amends. Your parents decided to make your younger brother the golden child instead, and he hasn't come to terms with it yet, but at this point he really should have known better. NTA, and make clear to your sister that your younger brother has become the new golden child and that she should be careful hurting herself to help him.

These Reddit zingers are bold, but do they hit the mark? Is the OP’s stance a triumph over entitlement or a missed chance to mend family ties?

This story is a rollercoaster of family loyalty and hard-won boundaries. The OP’s journey from golden child to family financier ended with a firm no to his brother’s brazen demand, igniting a firestorm of accusations. It’s a stark reminder that generosity has limits, especially when family roles breed entitlement. Would you fund a sibling’s dropout dreams, or hold the line like the OP? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate family expectations that feel like a trap?

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