AITA for forcing my children to learn how to cook?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling suburban kitchen, the aroma of fresh herbs mingles with teenage groans. A mother, determined to prepare her triplets for adulthood, stirs the pot of family dynamics with a bold new rule: everyone cooks. Her mission? To arm her 16-year-olds with skills to conquer the real world.

Yet, as pots clatter and grocery lists form, tension simmers. While her sons dive into the challenge, her daughter pushes back, sparking a fiery debate. Is this tough love or parental overreach? Readers can’t help but wonder how this savory saga will unfold.

‘AITA for forcing my children to learn how to cook?’

I (36f) am the proud mother of 16 y/o triplets, I have 2 sons ('Josh' and 'Justin') and one daughter ('Jennifer'). Their father and I divorced when our children were young. We have both remarried and for the most part, enjoy an amicable co-parenting relationship.

This school year I decided since our children are preparing to in the next few years enter the adult world it was important for them to learn some basic ' adulting' skills. To include; cooking, grocery shopping, budgeting, doing laundry, the basics that my DH and I feel every young adult should know how to do.

I should mention my DH and I have primary custody so I cook most of our meals throughout the week, sometimes my DH cooks and the kids only cook one meal every other weekend. For this meal, they all work together so that not just one of my children is required to do the whole task, ie they plan what they want to make, one makes the main entree, one does the sides and a predinner salad, and one makes a dessert.

They are responsible for planning this meal, we all go to the store where I give them their budgeted amount for food shopping, and they are responsible for buying within their budget. I've also completely stopped doing their laundry during the week but allow for it to be done on the weekends no rush as long as it gets done.

Both of my sons have taken well to this and embraced it. Even learning how to make complicated meals and desserts Josh has a real flair for it. However, my daughter, Jenn has fought us every step of the way. She lets her clothes pile up, doesn't want to cook, go grocery shopping, learn to budget, and insists I'm enforcing a gender stereotype.

She has gone as far as to enlist her father and stepmom on this who both think I am forcing our children to grow up too fast and am neglecting my parental duties. Obviously, they feel I along with DH are AH and being neglectful parents.

I and DH however disagree, we feel that we are teaching our children valuable life skills that will help them in the long run. They aren't always going to have us around to do these things for them. Are we the AH here?. In case of confusion DH = Dear Husband.

Edit: I should add they've done other chores throughout the years this is just the first year I'm making them cook and plan a meal on their own, learn to budget, grocery shop, do their laundry in full, not just me placing it on their beds to fold and put away.

Raising teens to be self-sufficient is like handing them a map before a road trip—it’s essential. This mother’s push for her triplets to master cooking and budgeting has stirred family drama, but it’s rooted in care. Her sons embrace the challenge, while her daughter, Jennifer, resists, claiming gender stereotypes. The conflict highlights a clash between parental guidance and teenage autonomy.

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Jennifer’s accusation seems misplaced, as her brothers tackle the same tasks. Dr. Lisa Damour, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Teens often resist new responsibilities, but learning practical skills builds confidence and independence”. Her resistance may stem from fear of failure or discomfort with change, not gender bias.

This situation reflects a broader issue: many young adults enter college unprepared for basic tasks. A 2017 Life Skills Gap Analysis found 65% of Gen Z felt unready for budgeting or cooking. Teaching these skills early bridges that gap.

For Jennifer, gentle encouragement could help. Dr. Damour suggests framing tasks as empowerment, not chores. This mother’s approach is solid, but flexibility—like letting Jennifer choose recipes—might ease tensions. Parenting is a balancing act, and she’s on the right track.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this spicy parenting debate—here’s the scoop, served with a side of humor:

Grimdarkwinter − NTA. One meal every other weekend is easy peasy. And when exactly is a person supposed to learn to cook, if age 16 is 'too early'?

overpregnant − NTA. THANK YOU for doing this. It has nothing to do with gender but rather basic life skills

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IridianRaingem − NTA the other parents are for insisting you’re wrong. Personally, I think you’re doing it too late. They should already know how to do their own laundry and cook basic meals. Your daughter is resistant. Fine. It’s a big change from mommy doing everything for you for 16 years. But it’s in her best interest to do these things. Like you said, you won’t always be there.

And how is it a gender stereotype when her brothers are doing it , too? And doing it better than she is. This is GOOD for them. They won’t be 18, heading off to college, with know clue about money, how to clean or cook. This is very important stuff. Edit: And when exactly does her dad think she should learn these basic life skills? 6 year olds can do some of this.

RosalieThornehill − NTA. It’s obviously not a gender roles thing, since your boys are expected to do the same thing. There are so many people who get to adulthood wishing they knew how to handle these things, and wondering why nobody taught them. Stick to your guns. It’s your job to raise functioning adults.

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rllyari − NTA. i'm in college and i am surrounded by people who lack basic life skills so thank you for teaching your kids stuff like this. they might not get it now, but they'll eventually look back and realize the importance.

Theartofdodging − NTA but you should have started doing this waaaaay earlier. I remember my parents including me in doing chores from the age of, like, five.

ShereeAmore − NTA, tbh I feel like 16 is a little old to just be learning these skills. When/how does your ex expect her to learn these things?

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[Reddit User] − NTA. In fact, I think 'preparing your children to navigate basic life functions' is what's known as 'being a good parent.' I think your daughter will probably realize it someday - when she's out on her own and having to do those tasks. It's just gonna take some time.

pmitten − NTA To go full 'Hank Hill' for a moment- when I navigated dating as an older person, it was *shocking* how many people go through life not knowing basic skills like cooking, cleaning and maintenance- so much so that schools should really make home ec and shop mandatory.

Also, by teaching your kids these skills now, you're also helping them in another way: People that know how to care for themselves generally set healthier boundaries in interpersonal relationships. They know what to expect from healthy, well adjusted adults and they will find it easier to hold their friends and partners to those same standards.

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Karlshammar − NTA. You're teaching them useful life skills. You're absolutely in the right. The 'gender stereotype' is obvious nonsense since you're doing the exact same thing with the boys. Your daughter just made that up to justify her laziness.

These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they capture the full recipe for parenting success?

This mother’s quest to teach her triplets life skills is a masterclass in parenting with purpose, even if it’s stirred some family drama. Her sons are thriving, but Jennifer’s resistance reminds us that every teen cooks at their own pace. What’s clear? Preparing kids for adulthood is no small feat, but it’s worth the heat. What would you do if your teen pushed back on learning to “adult”? Share your thoughts below!

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