AITA for not giving up my train seat?

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Imagine a weary mother, two sleepy kids in tow, slumped into train seats after a whirlwind day, headed to visit a loved one battling cancer. For one Redditor, this grueling 7-hour journey turned into a battlefield when a man demanded his reserved seat—occupied by her 7-year-old daughter. What started as a quiet ride erupted into a shouting match, leaving everyone rattled and the mom questioning her choices.

This tense tale of train etiquette pits exhaustion against entitlement, stirring up debates about fairness and compassion. Was the mom wrong to hold her ground, or was the man’s fury out of line? Let’s dive into the story, hear Reddit’s fiery takes, and get an expert’s perspective on this chaotic commute.

‘AITA for not giving up my train seat?’

I had an incident on the train last week and it's been bothering me since it happened. I'm wondering whether or not I was the a**hole. My family are split and the whole situation was upsetting and left me pretty shaken. I was traveling down to visit my Uncle for new year who has been struggling with cancer and couldn't spend time with the whole family during Christmas.

I had to take the train with my two kids (ages 4 and 7) and it was a pretty last minute booking as we weren't sure if me and the kids were going to be able to go. It was about a 7 hour trip all around with about 4 of that on the train, and my kids were really tired and everything was a bit overwhelming so I didn't see a problem with sitting in the seats marked as reserved whilst the train was still pretty empty.

The journey was quiet. We got to have a bit of rest and have a few drinks and some food which the kids appreciated since it was such a long day for them. When people came on looking for their seats I stayed quiet and hoped their seats weren't ours.

A man walked up and down the train a few times before starting to ask people if they could move (so he could see the numbers on the headrests), which I thought was pretty rude when he could easily have just sat in another seat for now (the train wasn't that full)

Anyway it turned out that my daughter was sitting in the seat this guy had reserved and when he aggressively said to her that she was in his seat she kind of looked a bit startled and looked to me. I had been watching this guy be rude to other passengers and I was pretty angry that he'd speak to my daughter the same way, rather than look to me and ask politely.

She's seven and is obviously with me. I told her to stay where she was as there weren't any other seats she could move to that were next to me and suggested he sit somewhere else as there were more than a few seats dotted around. He goes off muttering and I assumed he was going to sit down but he came back a few minutes later with a member of staff

and was shouting at this point how we had stolen his seats that he'd paid money for and we weren't even supposed to be on the train. The woman checked our tickets and I explained to her that we were just tired and didn't think it would have been a problem to sit in the seats whilst the train wasn't full.

To his fury the woman told us not to worry and also suggested that he sit elsewhere. He started shouting about how we had stolen his seat and children weren't above the law. Long story short he was told that he needed to get off the train at the next stop as he wasn't welcome on the service.

At this point both of my kids were pretty shaken and I regretted the whole journey but wasn't sure what I could even do at this point. Was I the a**hole here for creating this situation, part of me thinks this man was just crazy and was going to cause an argument with somebody even if it wasn't us but I'm not sure?

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This train seat showdown is a clash of rights versus empathy. The Redditor, drained from a long trip with young kids, saw empty seats as fair game, especially under emotional strain from visiting a sick relative. But the man, armed with a paid reservation, felt robbed of his rightful spot. Both had valid frustrations, yet neither bridged the gap with understanding.

Research shows that high-stress travel, like long train rides, amplifies conflicts over shared spaces. A 2019 study in Transportation Research found that clear communication reduces passenger disputes. Here, the Redditor’s choice to stay silent when the man sought his seat fueled the fire, while his aggressive approach to a child escalated tensions.

Dr. Daniel Goleman, an emotional intelligence expert, notes, “Empathy doesn’t mean giving up your rights—it means understanding another’s perspective to find a solution.” The Redditor could’ve acknowledged the man’s reservation and sought a compromise, like swapping seats nearby. The man, in turn, could’ve addressed the mother calmly rather than startling her daughter.

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The broader issue is navigating public spaces under pressure. Reserved seats exist for order, but life’s chaos—sick relatives, tired kids—can blur those lines. A solution might’ve been the staff reassigning the man to an equivalent seat or the Redditor moving to unreserved spots. Both parties could learn from this: empathy and clear communication can defuse even the tensest commutes.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit community unleashed a storm of opinions, mixing sharp jabs with calls for fairness. Here’s what they had to say:

alerionkemperil − YTA. He paid for that seat, and your level of entitlement is staggering. I’m honestly shocked that the staff member sided so blatantly with you. If the train, “Wasn’t that full,” why would you sit in the reserved spots?

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Letsgobrandon202 − YTA. You sat in seats you knew weren’t yours and when confronted you were all pikachu face shocked.

[Reddit User] − OP in this situation try and look it from the other persons perspective ya? It's new years eve and you're on a train going somewhere far away. you're in a bad mood and you're looking for your seat. You can't find it and you're becoming more and more agitated.

eventually you find out that a child was sitting in a seat you paid for. You tell the child to move so you can get the seat you paid for, but the mom is going full momma bear on you, telling you to go sit somewhere else. So now you're angry. Essentially this woman is telling you to go sit somewhere else and they're essentially disrespecting you and the assigned seating for the train.

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You feel robbed and what do you do? You go and notify an attendant so that they can correct the situation. The attendant comes and you explain to them how this mother and child were in your assigned seating. The mother says to the intendent 'I understand this gentleman wants his seat, but me and my daughter are tired so we won't be giving these seats up'.

The attendant turns to you and says 'sorry, nothing we can do here'. Enraged; you go off and tell the attendant how it isn't fair and you paid for this seat. You're even more enraged because the intendent is someone who works for the company and they should be obligated to correct the situation.

In the end you're the one who gets kicked off the train because of your anger and the mom and child get to continue sitting in a seat you paid for. I don't know if you're familiar with the concept of Justice OP... but doesn't this feel like an injustice to that person?

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Was it beyond your capabilities to get up and go to another seat instead of telling this guy to go somewhere else? What force in the universe made you feel as though you were obligated to continue sitting in this man's seat?

blackcatlover7 − YTA this is why people hate other people with kids. Just because YOU didn't book early enough and YOU didn't find seats together for YOUR family another person that did book the seat has to be removed so YOU don't stand?

Do you realise that at the next stop somebody can come for the empty seats that are probably reserved as well and make the man get up? That is why the man wanted to sit in his own seat, to avoid such issues! What is wrong with you?

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You refused to move your daughter? You are teaching your kids it's right to take other people's seats just because you have children? Why did you not just appologize and get up when asked? The kids could have sat down and you could stand up.

5168mou − Yta. Why couldn’t you and your daughter move? You just enjoy escalating the matter. You’re the AH.

Re13orn − YTA. As you said the train wasn’t full and you could have easily moved to different seats but you were being an AH about it. He paid for his reserved seat and he should be able to sit in his reserved seat.

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Solrackai − YTA. Way to teach your children to be entitled

karskipellis − YTA, and I don't actually believe the employee told him to sit somewhere else and didn't ask your family to move.

Dornbrotchen − YTA the train wasn't full, yet you had to sit on seats marked as reserved?

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Palutana − I mean yeah YTA. You knew those weren't your seats and specifically didn't want him to see the seat number. If he sat down somewhere else then he would of probably just ended up in a different person's seat and caused another problem.

These spicy Reddit takes slam the Redditor’s entitlement but also question the man’s approach. Was this a case of stubbornness on both sides, or did one cross the line? The debate’s heated, but it’s clear: train trips shouldn’t feel like a showdown.

This train drama reminds us that public spaces test our patience and empathy. The Redditor’s exhaustion and the man’s rightful claim collided, but a dash of kindness could’ve cooled the clash. Whether it’s offering a seat swap or a calmer tone, small gestures go far. Have you ever faced a tense moment over a reserved seat? What would you do in this situation? Drop your thoughts below!

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