AITA for telling my sister to just get over it about my marriage and not coddling her?

Picture a tight-knit neighborhood where childhood friendships spark playful predictions of future marriages. For Mara, one of three sisters, those predictions became reality when she wed Sam, her longtime friend. But her adopted sister Patty, still nursing a high school crush on Sam, couldn’t handle it—her tears and absence cast a shadow over Mara’s wedding and family gatherings. Now, their father’s pleas to “keep distance” from her own husband to spare Patty’s feelings have Mara questioning where loyalty ends and fairness begins.

This Reddit saga dives into the messy intersection of family ties, unrequited love, and personal boundaries. Patty’s autism adds complexity, but her decade-long fixation on Sam feels like a weight on Mara’s marriage. When Mara refuses to dim her happiness, her family calls her heartless. Is she wrong to demand equal treatment as a married couple, or should she tiptoe around Patty’s pain?

‘AITA for telling my sister to just get over it about my marriage and not coddling her?’

Family gatherings shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells, but Mara’s stuck navigating her sister’s emotional minefield. Patty’s fixation on Sam, unreciprocated for over a decade, has spiraled into unhealthy territory. Dr. Tony Attwood, an autism expert, notes, “Individuals on the spectrum may struggle with social boundaries, sometimes fixating intensely on relationships” (Tony Attwood). Patty’s distress, while real, doesn’t justify demanding Mara suppress her marriage, especially when enabled by their father.

Mara’s frustration is palpable: Patty’s refusal to move on, coupled with their father’s coddling, sidelines her happiness. Asking a newlywed to “keep distance” from her spouse at a family event is absurd—it dismisses Mara’s autonomy and Sam’s choice. A 2022 study from the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders found that 60% of autistic adults benefit from therapy addressing emotional regulation (Springer Link). Patty’s fixation, potentially tied to her autism, needs professional support, not family concessions.

Dr. Attwood suggests redirecting intense emotions through structured therapy, like CBT, to help Patty process rejection. Mara’s family, by shielding Patty, may inadvertently prolong her distress. Mara and Sam could set firm boundaries, attending family events as a united couple while encouraging Patty’s therapy. Their father’s enabling risks alienating Mara, as 68% of families report strain from unbalanced caregiving dynamics (Family Relations Journal). Mara’s not heartless—she’s asserting her right to a normal marriage.

Moving forward, Mara should initiate a calm family discussion, emphasizing mutual respect. She can acknowledge Patty’s struggles while clarifying that her marriage isn’t negotiable. Suggesting therapy for Patty, framed as support, could shift the dynamic. Mara and Sam might also limit exposure to triggering events until Patty progresses. Balancing compassion with boundaries ensures Mara’s marriage thrives without dismissing Patty’s needs, fostering family harmony over time.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a fiery mix of support and shade for Mara’s stand. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the community, crackling with empathy and a few sharp reality checks:

Reddit’s verdict leans hard into Mara’s corner, slamming her family’s enabling as unfair and Patty’s obsession as unhealthy. Commenters urge therapy for Patty and boundaries for Mara, with some calling her father’s requests outright ridiculous. But do these hot takes capture the full weight of navigating autism and family loyalty, or are they just fueling Mara’s resolve?

Mara’s story lays bare the tension between personal happiness and family expectations. Her refusal to coddle Patty’s decade-long crush feels like a stand for her marriage, but her family’s push to prioritize Patty’s feelings raises questions about fairness and enabling. Balancing compassion for Patty’s autism with Mara’s right to a normal marriage is no easy feat. Have you ever had to navigate family demands that clashed with your personal life? What would you do in Mara’s place? Share your thoughts below!