AITA for telling my overweight sister she should wear clothes that fit her?

Picture a lively lunch meetup, sisters catching up over sandwiches, until a wardrobe malfunction turns the vibe sour. A 30-year-old woman, spotting her younger sister’s too-tight clothes exposing her stomach, gently suggested a shopping trip to find office-appropriate outfits. Her sister, who’s battled weight issues and confidence setbacks since their mom’s passing, took it as body-shaming and stormed out in tears. What started as a kind offer ended in a family flare-up.

This story dives into the delicate dance of love, sensitivity, and tough truths between sisters. Was the advice a caring nudge toward professionalism, or did it cross a line into hurtful territory? Reddit’s buzzing with takes, and this tale unpacks the messy balance of supporting a loved one while navigating their insecurities. Let’s dig in.

‘AITA for telling my overweight sister she should wear clothes that fit her?’

I (30f) love my sister (24), we get along great. Growing up not so much. My sister has always struggled with other weight issues to the point that we were NEVER allowed to use the word fat, even if it wasn’t to describe a person. She had worked through a lot of her confidence issues but once our mom passed she regressed mentally and began binge eating. She is now much heavier but refuses to buy new clothes.

This has been over the past couple of years. I never said anything before because of how sensitive this topic is for her. Well she got a “big girl job”. She started a week ago. We met up for lunch and as she walked in and her stomach was hanging out. She fixed it but then it immediately came out again.

I asked her if she was WFH or in the office. She said in the office and I told her her stomach was out and she said that she knew and was fixing it all day. I told her to go shopping with me this weekend and we’ll get clothes that fit her and I’ll pay since she hasn’t gotten a check.

She said they do fit her and that I shouldn’t body shame her. I explained that she can wear whatever she wants but it’s not appropriate for an office job. She started crying and stormed out. AMITA ?

Offering wardrobe advice shouldn’t spark a family feud, but this sister’s lunch clash shows how body image can turn well-meaning words into wounds. The older sister’s suggestion to buy fitting clothes for her sister’s new office job aimed to protect her from workplace scrutiny, but it hit a raw nerve tied to years of weight struggles. Her offer to pay was generous, but the delivery may have felt like judgment to her sensitive sister.

Body image expert Dr. Renee Engeln notes, “Comments about appearance, even with good intentions, can trigger shame in those with body image struggles” (Psychology Today). Here, the sister’s refusal to acknowledge her ill-fitting clothes suggests denial, a common coping mechanism. Studies show 62% of workplace dress code violations lead to formal warnings (Society for Human Resource Management). The older sister’s concern was valid, but a softer approach might have landed better.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating sensitive topics with empathy. Dr. Engeln suggests framing advice around goals, like, “Let’s find clothes that make you feel confident at work.” The older sister could reaffirm her love, perhaps saying, “I want you to shine in your new job.” For now, her intent was caring, but a follow-up apology and shopping trip could mend the rift while addressing the issue.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit dove into this sisterly spat like it’s a fashion showdown, serving up a mix of support and practical tips. From praising the older sister’s intentions to urging empathy for her sister’s struggles, the comments are a lively blend of cheers and advice. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered take:

concernedreader1982 − NTA This is not ok for an office job. You were NOT body shaming her. You were simply stating she needed a shirt that covered her belly. I don't care what anyone says in this sub, YOU WERE NOT BODY SHAMING HER!

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walnutwithteeth − NTA. It's better to come from someone who loves her than from HR when there has been a complaint about the dress code.

WetMonkeyTalk − If you're fat, you're fat. Why is the word such a problem? I truly don't understand why people are so weird about it.. This. we were NEVER allowed to use the word fat. is f**king ridiculous.

I'm fat. So what? Denying reality is not going to help anyone. If anything, it makes one more vulnerable to slurs and gibes and gives bullies another button to push. People have called me fat as if it's supposed to be some devastating checkmate blow

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and are stunned when I laugh and ask if that's the best they've got. It usually is because so many people act as though being fat is some heinous crime or moral failing. That's THEIR weakness, not mine.. That said, I definitely wear clothes that fit.. NTA

Pale_Property_2030 − I’m fat and I say NTA / N A H. You didn’t body shame her. She admitted her clothes didn’t fit very well and you offered to buy her some that do. You didn’t point out a problem for no reason or to be mean.

You offered to help her. Well fitting clothes are more comfortable and flattering and have less risk of HR giving her an even more embarrassing write up. While this is a sensitive topic for your sister, your action have absolutely no hints of any fatphobia in them.

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stewiecatballlacat − NTA. Other people are going to really judge her, I think you handled it very tactfully and offered a kind solution. She is obviously hypersensitive to this topic but can't stay in denial all the time. Something had to be said.

hibernativenaptosis − NTA. However upsetting it was to hear it from you, it would have been a million times more upsetting to hear it from her boss.

mascerito − NTA I myself am very big, and wear clothes in my size. You did nothing wrong. At a certain point 'supportive' turns into coddling and enabling. Better this come from you, than some jerk at her work who will say it so much worse. You did the right thing. Believe me, I know.

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Corduroycat1 − NTA Her clothes do not fit her. I have gotten up to a 2x. Does it suck? Yes, absolutely. But not wearing a 2x does not magically make me not a 2x size. She is literally falling out of her clothes because they are way too small. It was super nice to offer to take her out and buy her some new clothes.

I would apologize and say you still want to go shopping with her and you guys buy her some new professional clothes for her to be comfortable in and the offer still stands. If she takes you up on it, only take her to stores that cater to plus size

PixiFrizzle − NTA. Your heart was in the right place. She does need to wear clothing to the office that she isn’t busting out of and you were trying to save her a bit of embarrassment. It will be much worse for her hearing dress code complaints coming from her boss and coworkers than from you but she is just going to have to live and learn the hard way.

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Old_Preparation_1830 − NTA, I have a very wonderful sister who basically refuses to dress for her body type. She’s actually lost several jobs because of how she presents herself (among other reasons). It’s not about the size, it’s about the fit.

Reddit’s mostly Team NTA, backing the older sister’s practical advice while noting the younger’s sensitivity. But do these takes capture the full story, or are they just stitching up the drama?

This sisterly showdown shows how a well-intentioned suggestion can unravel into hurt feelings. The older sister’s push for professional attire was rooted in care, but her delivery struck a sore spot. A heartfelt talk and a shopping trip could rebuild trust while ensuring workplace confidence. What would you do if your advice to a loved one backfired over a sensitive issue? Share your thoughts below!

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