AITA for leaving without my girlfriend?

He and Audrey had a standing issue: just as they were about to leave—whether by car or rideshare—she’d remember something she’d forgotten, triggering another last-minute scramble. Over time, his patience wore thin as cancellation fees for Lyft piled up. Five dollars each time isn’t ruinous, but the pattern of wasted money and time added insult to injury.

Last night his brother and sister-in-law hosted dinner, and he thought he’d finally outsmarted her: he triple-checked she had everything before calling the ride. But the moment the car rounded the corner, Audrey remembered a scarf she was supposed to bring. When he refused to cancel again and walked away, she was left stranded—and furious.

‘AITA for leaving without my girlfriend?’

My girlfriend Audrey does this thing, anytime we're going somewhere and about to leave she'll randomly remember she has to do something or grab something. Which isn't a big deal when we're driving ourselves. She does it when we take rideshares too. I've had to pay the $5 cancellation fee several times because she was dilly dawdling around.

5 bucks isn't going to break the bank but it's annoying and adds up. And of course I'm the one always paying the 5 dollars. Yesterday we were meeting my brother and SIL for dinner and drinks. So we were taking lyft. I waited til Audrey was ready and triple checked she had everything prior to requesting a ride.

We we're both in the living room waiting, as soon as the car was on our block she remembered that she wanted to grab a scarf she was giving my SIL. Then she couldn't find it. I said 'worry about it later I'm sure SIL doesn't care, let's go'. Then I got the notification that the driver would leave in 1 minute. I said 'come on let's go'.

Audrey told me to just cancel the ride and order another one. I said no and told her I was leaving and she should come with. She refused so I left. She didn't come to the restaurant, and when I got home she was pissed at me. She said 'you should have waited instead of being an ass and leaving without me'.

If this was a one time thing I would have waited (obviously) but this is easily the 4th or 5th time she's done it and it's starting to seem intentional.. She's still mad today and said I caused her to miss dinner last night.. AITA for leaving my girlfriend at home instead of canceling the Lyft.

Respecting each other’s time is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. As Dr. John Gottman notes, “One of the simplest ways to build trust and affection is to show up when you say you will” . Repeated delays—especially avoidable ones—can erode that trust, leaving partners feeling undervalued and resentful.

In the context of shared rides, last-minute cancellations have real-world consequences. Lyft drivers rely on a steady flow of trips, and a cancellation after the driver is en route often translates into lost income, even when a fee applies. Transportation researcher Dr. Carol Schweiger explains that “frequent no-shows and late cancellations disrupt the gig economy’s fragile equilibrium and breed frustration on both sides” .

Setting clear pre-ride routines can mitigate these breakdowns. Productivity expert Laura Vanderkam recommends a “two-minute buffer” before departure—using a timer to prompt final checks—so that unforeseen tasks surface before ordering transportation . This small habit shift preserves schedules without sacrificing essentials.

When entrenched patterns emerge, couples therapy often focuses on creating “implementation intentions”—if-then plans such as “If the Lyft is arriving in five minutes, I will not request any new items.” Studies show that couples who co-develop these plans report fewer conflicts and higher satisfaction .

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the OP, emphasizing that leaving on time protects everyone’s plans—ride-share drivers included—and that Audrey could easily book her own ride if she needed more time. Most felt she bore full responsibility for the missed dinner.

At the same time, commenters offered practical tweaks: making Audrey the designated ride-caller (so she feels the financial sting of cancellations) or adopting a pre-ride checklist ritual. These small shifts can restore balance and prevent future frustrations.

EngineeringOwn2299 − NTA You didn't make her miss dinner, she made herself miss it. She could have called another ride for herself too. The scarf wasn't important and absolutely could have waited for another time. Or she could prepare better.

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vodka_philosophy − NTA. Audrey needs to get left behind EVERY time until she learns to value other people's time, money, and effort, and if she doesn't see just how wrong and rude she is for doing this, then you need to reconsider being with her at all.

blondeboomie − NTA - your gf is being an AH by not being prepared (the drinks with your brother and SIL were pre planned, but suddenly when the car shows up she remembers this scarf?). She's also being hella disrespectful to everyone else involved.

To you, by wracking up cancellation charges and never offering to pay. To the lyft drivers who's time she's wasted. And to your brother and SIL for just not bothering to show up when she didn't have her s**t together.

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It's an awfully selfish attitude to think everyone else can wait for you all the time. She needs to work on her time management, and this is coming from someone who was also perpetually late for things until I realized how big of a d**che I was being.

lychigo − NTA. But like, don't call a lyft/uber until you've pretended like it's about to come and she's gotten it out of her system. But also. That's just obnoxious. And can't she be the one to call the lyft so she can be the one to pay the 5 dollar fine. And couldn't she still make it to dinner by calling a lyft?

TallCombination6 − 100% NTA. Some women (I'm a woman so chill the f**k out peanut gallery) think they have the right to jerk their partners around and be wholly inconsiderate on purpose as a way of proving their dominance. They think that others' willingness to put up with their 'cute quirks' is love.

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Like the women who refuse to order food and then demand what their partner has ordered. It's a feature, not a bug. She's pissed that you stood up for yourself and do you really want to be with someone who gets mad at you for rightfully standing up for yourself?

[Reddit User] − NTA. I'm pretty sure people will flock to diagnose her with ADHD lol. The fact of the matter is that as adults we gotta take responsibility. She could have easily given the scarf another time.

You were meeting for dinner and drinks, which often requires a booking. It's rude to let people wait. Who knows how long it would have taken to find the scarf. I'm sorry but she has to start showing consideration for others.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - think about how rude she's being to the Lyft driver. They come over to your house, and then you cancel at the last minute. That's time and gas they're wasting. And if it's habitual, then she's got to learn that it has got to stop.

canvasshoes2 − NTA. This is a control tactic. You didn't cause her to miss dinner at all. She could have taken another car after she found the scarf. For me, this sort of thing would be a deal-breaker. I'm not sure why she's doing it, but it's clear she's getting some sort of power trip out of it.

Not quite the same thing, but... if it were me and if you feel she's otherwise worth it, I'd do what, in our family, we called 'dad time.' My dad is extremely gregarious. A 'never met a stranger' sort, if ever there was. So there were lots of times we'd be going somewhere, and he'd get hung up chatting with someone.

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So, we just basically started telling dad that things started a half hour or so earlier than they did. Worked like a charm 90% of the time. Dad was also a bit of a workoholic, so he didn't typically have time to double check our times, and basically just trusted us.

ComplexCalligrapher8 − NTA. Mistakes can happen every now and then, no-one is perfect but that would wind me right up as well. Why couldn't she get her on Lyft to the dinner? Start getting her to order them, she won't be so flippant about cancelling them if she is paying the cost. As you say £5 adds up.

sashaopinion − NTA, make her order the ride in the future so she's stuck with the cancellation fee. It's beyond rude.

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Boundaries around time and money safeguard relationships more than silent resentment ever could. When small habits repeatedly derail shared plans, calling them out—and finding solutions together—becomes essential. Have you faced recurring delays or cancellations with your partner? How did you address them to keep date night (and your patience) on track? Share your experiences and tips below!

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