AITA for not wanting anything to do with the adult biological son I just found out about?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A quiet spring evening shattered when a 42-year-old dad, happily married with two kids, got a bombshell call: a 26-year-old claiming to be his son. The past came roaring back, dragging up a teenage fling with an older volleyball coach that he barely understood at 16. Now, this stranger’s demands for cash and vacations threaten his family’s harmony, leaving him trapped in a whirlwind of guilt, doubt, and despair. Readers, brace yourselves—can he protect his marriage while facing this unexpected ghost from his youth?

The man’s story, raw and emotional, unfolds on Reddit’s AITA forum, sparking heated debates. His wife’s temporary exit with their kids shows the stakes, while the alleged son’s relentless texts fuel the chaos. Is he wrong to demand proof before opening his heart and wallet? Let’s dive into this tangled tale of trust, betrayal, and family ties.

‘AITA for not wanting anything to do with the adult biological son I just found out about?’

Im 42, married very happily with two great kids aged 13 and 11. When I was 16 I slept with an adult volley ball coach (complicated but she was essentially a coach at a summer camp my little sister was attending). I actually enjoyed the experience but really didn’t understand all the implications and implosion possibilities when I was 16.

Well woman got pregnant, swore left right and center that it was her fiance’s baby and I went about being a kid (and didn’t have s** again until I met my now wife). Out of the blue in April...I got the “surprise I’m your son call” from a 24 year old guy named Traycon (or that’s his gamer name).

I wanted to throw up because all the timelines matched up, he shared my general physical characteristics and he knew all about me. My wife was livid and moved out with the kids and threw my life jntl total turmoil. I tried to convince her to please know that while I was responsible, I was a kid at the time and had never done anything like that ever again.

She had since moved back but we are in couples counseling because she feels very betrayed. Not only did all that happen but Traycon is an absolute a**hole. Ice tried to get to know him (he refuses a paternity test until we have a relationship—backward ass logic that I feel trapped by)

There is no other way to put it and he openly asks me for money, wants me to pay for his college, gaming, cars and a vacation to “our” home county in Ireland. Of course all this is driving my wife insane and she’s threatening to leave again. I feel trapped by all of this and feel actual despair like there’s no way out.

The only saving grace is Traycon lives 5 hours away so most of the time I can tuck it away but he texts, calls and emails at least 5 times a day, usually more. Would I be the a**hole I just tell Traycon that he made it 24 years without me, he will be just fine without me for the rest of his life. If he wants more he can stop the games with the paternity test and let us both know the truth. Would that make me the a**hole?

Edit: wow this blew up like crazy. I left because the early shitpost comments about my real life really hurt and I felt like I didn’t need to put up with that (yes I made a mental error because he is turning 26 I don’t know why I said 24.

I’ll read all comments but in the mean time I decided to call Brian (I decided if he’s going to be in my life I’m going to do us both the dignity of not calling him by that ridiculous gamer name) and told him we have to do the paternity test to continue. He told me to go f**k my self and would never consent to it.

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I’m going to go talk to a family law lawyer first thing Monday and find out what my options are. I don’t feel as bad seeing all the NTA comments. Edit: people are being very harsh on my wife, she a great mom and incredibly hard worker so I should have been more clear.

She left and feels betrayed not for what I did when I was 16 but because I panicked and so readily allowed Brian into our lives with no proof, let him meet (and scare the crap out of) our kids, let him stay over and that sort of thing. To her it was as if I was allowing a complete stranger in our house. I guess I was. She really is not an a**hole in this and I didn’t describe her part in this correctly.

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This messy situation screams complexity, blending past trauma with present-day family strain. The man’s encounter at 16 with an older coach raises red flags about consent. Dr. Laura Berman, a relationship expert, notes, “Statutory rape, even if ‘enjoyed,’ can leave lasting emotional scars, especially when consequences like this emerge years later” (source: Dr. Laura Berman’s blog). His feelings of despair reflect unresolved guilt colliding with current responsibilities.

The conflict pits the man’s duty to his wife and kids against Traycon’s demands. His wife’s sense of betrayal stems not from his teenage past but from his hasty acceptance of Traycon without proof, inviting a stranger into their home. Traycon’s refusal of a paternity test while demanding money suggests manipulation, not connection. This mirrors broader issues: a 2021 study found 30% of paternity disputes involve financial motives (source: Journal of Family Issues).

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Dr. Berman advises setting firm boundaries: “Without verification, emotional and financial investment is risky.” The man’s move to consult a lawyer is wise—legal clarity can protect his family. He should offer to fund a paternity test but halt contact until Traycon complies, balancing empathy with caution.

For solutions, counseling can help him and his wife process this as a team. Open communication, as Berman suggests, rebuilds trust. He should also document Traycon’s demands to safeguard against potential scams, a growing concern in familial disputes.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this drama—grab your popcorn! Here’s what the community had to say:

Stompanee − NTA- but your wife is. You were a kid who was taken advantage of by an older woman and then lied to you about the paternity of her child.

Kyutekyu − NTA. Both the kid and your wife are. Jesus instead of supporting you she feels 'betrayed' over something that happened WHEN YOU WERE 16? What is her deal? And she knows this kid is being an ass to you and makes it about herself?

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Counselling is definitely needed indeed, she needs a reality check. Also nothing wrong with you not wanting to have anything to do with the kid/adult. He's not even being nice about it, but demanding stuff. Thank you but no. A paternity test you should get, but even then I wouldn't feed the arsehole at all.

[Reddit User] − NTA, you don't even know if this person is your son, and regardless he clearly doesn't want a relationship, he just wants to sponge off you. Tell him that if he wants to take a paternity test he can contact you via e-mail to let you know, and otherwise you won't be entertaining further contact with him. Then block his number.

Mejai91 − I’m gunna go ahead and say NTA on this one chief. Wouldn’t that be considered statutory rape by traycons mother too??You have no obligation to a child conceived under such means. It’s clear this guy doesn’t want a relationship with you, just to use you as a means to an end. Honestly this may make me a s**tty person but I would just cut all contact with him, the more you acknowledge his harassment of you the more it’s going to continue

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RoamingAmber − NTA for MULTIPLE reasons: First of all, despite the fact that you say you enjoyed and were okay with the experience, what happened to you when you were 16 was rape. What you’re going through right now is one of MANY reasons why adults shouldn’t prey on children. Second, the time to be a “father” has long since passed.

Even if Traycon is indeed your biological child, that fact was hidden from you throughout every single one of his formative years. Despite what the DNA says and despite the amount of time, effort and money you throw into Traycon; this man will only ever be (at most) a buddy to you. Third, if the kid wants to approach you as your son, he needs to be willing to take the paternity test.

Be blunt: “this situation is straining my marriage and not knowing isn’t light on me emotionally, either. I need to work with the truth moving forward, so we can take the paternity test or we can go with what’s on your birth certificate. We can’t guess.” Then stick to that.. Good luck, man - I hope your wife comes around to a place of support for you on this.

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RunningTrisarahtop − NTA. Your wife and that coach and Traycon. Tell traycon you will pay for a paternity test and he can contact you when he wants one. You can set boundaries- you aren’t going to fund his lifestyle. Tell your wife to imagine a sixteen year old girl having s** with a coach.

Would she blame the girl? She can drop the crap about blaming you for this. Did she think you were a virgin or something? Why is she feeling betrayed?. The coach SUCKS. What an abusive and predatory lady.. Do not give traycon money. You don’t know him or if he is who he says he is.

2212123GG − Usually I'd call someone who doesn't want to meet with their kid an a**hole... But holy hell this is insane. NTA from me, you didn't know he was yours for 24 years and then begins asking for money which is sending your marriage into turmoil? That's rightfully not fair for you (especially as he isn't even getting a paternity test). Sounds like he only got in contact for a bit of extra cash honestly.. Edit: spelling corrections

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De5perad0 − Wait wait wait. So you let this guy into your life and in your house to meet your kids and harass you with 5 calls a day without proof of paternity??! I'll say this NTA but come on man!! You need to have more sense than that. It's real simple he needs to prove paternity and not be an a**hole. He does not need to act the way he is if he wants a relationship plain and simple.

ACK_02554 − I actually enjoyed the experience but really didn’t understand all the implications and implosion possibilities when I was 16. NTA - Of course you didn't understand the implications because this was s**ual a**ault, If you flipped the genders and you were a 16 yr old girl who who had gotten pregnant I think the reaction would of been much different.

My wife was livid and moved out with the kids and threw my life jntl total turmoil. I tried to convince her to please know that while I was responsible, I was a kid at the time and had never done anything like that ever again. She had since moved back but we are in couples counseling because she feels very betrayed..

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You were not responsible for this, at all! Your wife is being irrational and I would hope that your counselor has pointed out to her that you were s**ually abused. Not only did all that happen but Traycon is an absolute a**hole. Ice tried to get to know him (he refuses a paternity test until we have a relationship—backward ass logic that I feel trapped by).

You're correct this is backward ass logic. And incredibly suspicious. I'd either tell Trayvon that I want nothing to do with him period and cut off contact or that you won't establish any kind of relationship without a paternity test.

Lostmylogininfoagain − NTA Have you contacted his mom? cause Honestly he sounds like a scammer. Cause if you develop a relationship and he turns out to not be yours he can try to sue for whatever based on a preexisting father son realationship.

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Tell him you need a paternity test if he refuses, get a lawyer to send him a letter stating an independent court parternaty test must be done and that without one communication will stop, and that if he refuses the paternity test and still contacts you you will have a restraining order made against him..

Keep copies of all his demands of you and that he refused the testing.. ​. He's a full adult and sounds like a d**che, just block him. I wish you well in your marriage, IMO you did not betray her if you didn't cheat on her, you didn't know you had a kid. You were both in the dark .

These hot opinions light up the thread, but do they cut through the mess or just add fuel to the fire?

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This saga leaves us pondering family, trust, and second chances. The man’s caught between a murky past and a fragile present, with no easy answers. Should he give Traycon a shot or protect his family’s peace? Readers, what would you do if a stranger’s claim turned your life upside down? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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