Aitah for cancelling my sister in laws engagement photos because her Fiance told my brother in law he can’t stand me?

When family and business intersect, the stakes can get uncomfortably high. In this post, a 29-year-old professional photographer recounts how a request for engagement photos turned into a personal betrayal. Her sister-in-law, Alissa, and her fiancé, Brandon, initially seemed like a sweet couple.

However, behind the scenes, Brandon was openly insulting her and her husband to her own brother-in-law, claiming they were the most annoying people in the family. This revelation shocked her, especially after all the time and effort she had invested in planning their shoot.

Now, feeling used and disrespected by someone she once hoped to work with as family, she’s left with a difficult decision. With two major weddings on the horizon, she’s torn between her professional pride and the desire to avoid causing further family conflict. Ultimately, she canceled the engagement session, stating that she wouldn’t risk being around people who openly disdain her. But is she in the wrong for taking this stand?

‘Aitah for cancelling my sister in laws engagement photos because her Fiance told my brother in law he can’t stand me?’

Navigating the intersection of family relationships and professional services is notoriously challenging, especially when personal feelings and business interests collide. In this case, the photographer—a professional with a successful career—faces a deeply painful dilemma when her sister-in-law, Alissa, and her fiancé, Brandon, inadvertently reveal their disdain for her and her husband.

The conflict is not merely about engagement photos; it’s about being treated as a commodity rather than a valued family member and professional. When Brandon openly expressed that he finds her and her husband “the most annoying people in the family,” it not only undermined her self-worth but also placed her in an untenable position: to either continue providing a service under these degrading circumstances or to assert her boundaries by canceling the session.

From a psychological standpoint, such behavior from a fiancé is highly concerning. It reflects a toxic dynamic where personal insults are normalized, and where one partner uses family connections as a shield for their own disrespectful attitudes. Dr. Laura Brown, a clinical psychologist who has extensively studied family and professional boundary issues, explains that when personal relationships are leveraged to secure free services, it devalues both the service provider and the individual.

“When a family member—or someone positioned as a loved one—exploits another’s professional talents for free while simultaneously disparaging them, it creates a conflict of interest that can lead to long-term resentment and emotional damage,” she notes. In this story, the photographer’s decision to cancel the engagement shoot is an assertive, albeit painful, act of self-respect. By setting clear boundaries, she is not only safeguarding her professional reputation but also protecting her emotional well-being.

In the world of professional photography, where creativity and quality demand significant time and effort, her work is her livelihood. Allowing herself to be undervalued or taken for granted—especially by those she once considered family—could set a dangerous precedent for both her business and personal relationships.

Furthermore, this situation exposes a deeper issue of familial disrespect and miscommunication. The fact that Brandon felt comfortable trashing her in front of her own family speaks volumes about his character and the underlying tensions that have long been simmering beneath the surface. For a professional whose reputation is built on creativity and reliability, being treated as an afterthought or, worse, a free service, can have both immediate and lasting negative impacts.

Ultimately, establishing and maintaining firm boundaries in both professional and personal contexts is critical. While canceling the session may lead to temporary family strife, it serves as a necessary stand against exploitation and disrespect. As Dr. Brown emphasizes, “Protecting one’s self-worth is essential, and sometimes the hardest decisions—like canceling a project with family—are the ones that preserve your dignity and future success.”

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Community responses are overwhelmingly supportive of the photographer’s decision. Many users applaud her for refusing to work under conditions where she’s clearly undervalued, arguing that she deserves to be treated with respect. Commenters emphasize that if Brandon openly insults her and her husband behind her back, it’s not only unprofessional but deeply hurtful.

Several users assert that she has every right to cancel the session and that any guilt should be directed toward those who allowed such negativity to fester in the family. Overall, the consensus is that her decision to protect her self-worth is justified, even if it means risking further family drama before upcoming weddings.

Ultimately, blending family relationships with professional obligations can be a recipe for heartache when respect is absent. The photographer’s decision to cancel the engagement photoshoot stems from a well-founded need to safeguard her dignity against overt disrespect.

While this move may stir family conflict, it serves as a reminder that no one should have to compromise their self-worth for the sake of familial ties. What do you think—would you set such clear boundaries in a similar situation, or try to navigate the tension through compromise? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.