AITA for announcing my pregnancy over Christmas and then refusing to be understanding when my sister did not take the news well?

The Christmas lights twinkled, casting a warm glow over the family gathering, but the air grew heavy when one sister’s joyful news sparked an unexpected storm. For years, the OP, a 31-year-old woman, battled severe endometriosis and fertility challenges, her dreams of motherhood teetering on the edge of impossibility. When she finally announced her pregnancy, the room erupted in cheers—except for her older sister, whose cruel outburst shattered the festive mood.

The sister’s venomous words, wishing miscarriage and claiming exclusive rights to grandkids, left OP reeling, unearthing old wounds from a childhood of loyalty turned sour. Readers can’t help but feel the sting of betrayal, wondering how family ties could fray so brutally. This tale of joy clashing with jealousy sets the stage for a raw, emotional unraveling.

‘AITA for announcing my pregnancy over Christmas and then refusing to be understanding when my sister did not take the news well?’

I (31f) have endometriosis, PCOS and had one of my ovaries removed at 19 after a bad cyst. My endo was so severe I was warned at a young age that getting pregnant would be difficult, though not impossible. I married my husband (32m) young and we started trying when I was 24 and we had no success after two years of trying.

We tried fertility medication as a next step and that was unsuccessful. We had planned to go the IVF route when Covid ravaged the world and it put our plans on hold. Our first attempt failed but we had a success last month which left us so excited. We kept it to ourselves until Christmas when we told our families. Everyone was so happy for us except my sister, who broke down and started telling me I was selfish and how she hoped it wouldn't work.

BG:. My sister is 4 years older and she has moderate learning disabilities. This is something she was always self-conscious about. But I admired her so much. So I'd cheer her on and defend her like crazy as a kid if anyone was mean to her. Sometimes it felt like our paternal grandparents were. They were the only extended family we had and sometimes they would say things that seemed so harsh to me.

They would tell her she couldn't manipulate people just because of her learning disability, they would tell her that she shouldn't be selfish. I would hear them argue with dad over it. I'd told them my sister had it rough and she needed our support. I adored my sister. When she was 15 and I was 11 I got home from school one day and she started yelling and telling me I was the worst sister, she wished I had never been born, called me miss perfect and she wanted me to die.

This came out of nowhere. Our parents heard the arguing and separated us for the night and said we would talk the next morning. The next day she lied and told them I had bullied her for months and called her stupid and the R word. None of this was true. But she went around telling everyone.

After that stuff changed between us. My grandparents argued with my parents because they acted like they believed her and started to coddle her more, which my grandparents said was not helping anything. I grew closer to them and they would tell me more about their concerns about my sister from before. They were my biggest support when I lost my ovary at 19.

Back to current day my sister had her reaction to the news and once she stopped crying she told me I should have let her be the only one to give our parents grandkids and she deserved to be the best at something. She told me she hoped I would miscarry and never conceive again so she could keep the title.

I told her she was sick and that I couldn't believe I had adored her so much as a kid. I told her she could say goodbye because we were done with each other. She yelled that I was selfish. My parents are saying I need to understand and that our bad history just made her react in an odd way but that she's my sister and we're family and she needs extra help.. AITA?

EDIT: Hi everyone! Sorry for taking a long time to respond. I had no idea people were seeing the post so I went away to celebrate NYE with my husband. A question I have seen asked in several comments that I wanted to address here and now is about my sister's learning disability. I'm not sure what her exact dx her.

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I know she has trouble in school leaning, and I remember she struggled to read. Math was also a problem. I was always just told she had trouble in school, got made fun of for being 'dumb' and I saw she would get embarrassed when doing homework.

She had supports in school and had an IEP for most of her academic life. Another question that was asked was whether she has kids and yes, she has three children and she is married.. Thank you for all the support.

Family announcements like pregnancies often stir deep emotions, but this story’s intensity reveals a tangled web of rivalry and unresolved pain. The OP’s sister’s reaction—wishing miscarriage and demanding exclusivity as a grandchild provider—signals more than a moment’s lapse. It points to a deeper struggle, possibly rooted in her learning disability and years of perceived inadequacy.

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The OP’s devotion as a child, defending her sister against harsh grandparents, contrasts sharply with the sister’s accusations of bullying at 11. This history suggests a pattern of emotional volatility, perhaps exacerbated by the sister’s disability. According to Dr. John Duffy, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, “Learning disabilities can amplify emotional dysregulation, especially when individuals feel overshadowed by siblings”. Duffy’s insight highlights how the sister’s outburst may stem from lifelong comparisons, worsened by parental coddling, which the OP’s grandparents criticized.

Broadening the lens, sibling rivalry affects 80% of families, per a 2023 Family Psychology study, often escalating when major life events like pregnancies highlight perceived inequalities. The sister’s claim to “deserve” grandchild status reflects a scarcity mindset, where one sibling’s success feels like another’s loss. Her learning disability, while not an excuse for cruelty, likely amplifies this insecurity, as emotional regulation challenges are common, per the psychologist Redditor’s comment.

For OP, setting boundaries is crucial. Dr. Duffy advises, “Clear boundaries protect mental health while allowing space for empathy.” OP could acknowledge her sister’s pain without tolerating abuse, perhaps by limiting contact until an apology surfaces. Therapy, like cognitive-behavioral approaches, could help the sister process jealousy, while family counseling might address parental enabling. OP should prioritize her pregnancy’s joy, surrounding herself with supportive figures like her husband and grandparents.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a platter of spicy support and sharp warnings for OP’s dilemma. It’s like a family cookout where everyone’s got a take, and they’re not afraid to grill. Here’s the unfiltered pulse from the crowd:

fireflyflies80 − NTA. Your sister is abusive and cruel. She sounds like she has serious issues well beyond a learning disability. Protect your peace. I would stay away from her and limit contact with your parents, who are enabling her.

NotThisAgain234 − NTA. I wouldn’t ever leave her alone with your baby if I were you. If you think your parents might then restrict their access accordingly. Sister sounds unhinged.

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Realistic-Airport775 − Your parents are excusing your sister from saying she wants your baby dead and you to be permanently infertile. To excuse that is some extreme form of denial and enablement with no consequences. No wonder your sister says such awful things, no one has called her on it.

I would advise that these people are unhealthy for you to be around and your response should be that when your sister has apologised for wanting your child dead then you may consider a visit. Otherwise restrict access from them all as they are a risk to you and the baby, with their delusional attitudes towards your sister.. Only see them in public from now onwards.

Boundaries are a really good thing to have, if they cannot respect your choices they don't get to see you and your child. When they can accept tht you as grown ass adult have rules about who you have to see and that it doesn't include forgiving this just because 'fammmmily' then they will start to get it. Demand respect or no go on any requests.. NTA. Not ever.

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BeefyMonkeyBrains − She told me she hoped I would miscarry and never conceive again. NTA. At all. Honestly, that is legit 'dead to me' material. Seriously, no contact for life.

My parents are saying I need to understand and that our bad history just made her react in an odd way but that she's my sister and we're family and she needs extra help.. F**k that, go low/no contact with those enabling AHs too.

wind-river7 − NTA. Your parents have done your sister no favors by coddling her. Thank goodness you have the support of your grandparents.. And congratulations on your new LO!

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Apprehensive_Ad_5246 − NTA. Your sister's 'moderate learning disabilities' are no excuse for her behavior, and the hateful, horrible things she said to you are unforgiveable. Your parents are no prizes either, but I'm glad you have your grandparents and husband are in your corner. If you want to stay in your sister's life, keep your distance--and make real sure she has no unsupervised visits with you or your baby.

allthecactifindahome − NTA, and I think you know that. Also, let her be the only one to give our parents grandkids and she deserved to be the best at something.. The best at having babies? Didn't realize it was a skill.

DBgirl83 − NTA, but please NEVER leave your child alone with her or your parents, allowing her access to your child.. I hope you have a good pregnancy, don't let her take away your joy for this miracle.

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[Reddit User] − Psychologist here. My specialty was disabilities (I'm retired). I raised two children with learning disabilities. That term is VERY broad. In order to get relevant responses, can you please explain how her disability impacts her? For instance, if her IQ is 70 or less, that's quite serious. Often emotional regulation is hard. Sometimes impossible around some issues/behaviors.. More information please.

[Reddit User] − NTA. AND. # NEVER leave your sister alone with your child or children. EVER. Do not leave your child or children alone with ANYONE that allows your sister around your babes either.. I'd suggest going NC. For some reason I have a bad feeling about your sister... be careful.

These Redditors rallied behind OP, slamming the sister’s cruelty and urging no contact, with some tossing shade at the parents’ enabling. But do these fiery takes capture the whole vibe, or are they adding kindling to the drama?

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This heart-wrenching story lays bare the messy truth of family—love can collide with envy, and loyalty can curdle into resentment. The OP’s courage to celebrate her hard-fought pregnancy shines, even as her sister’s cruelty casts a shadow over it. Yet, amidst the pain, there’s room for growth and boundaries. Families are complicated, and navigating them is no picnic. What would you do if you found yourself caught between a sibling’s jealousy and your own milestone? Share your thoughts, stories, or advice below—let’s unpack this together and shine a light on healing through tough family ties.

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