AITA for refusing to stop kissing my own baby?

The soft warmth of a six-week-old baby napping on her mother’s chest couldn’t shield a new mom from a brewing storm. At 25, let’s call her Lily, was savoring a quiet moment at her in-laws’ house when her mother-in-law’s sharp, passive-aggressive remark cut through: was Lily breaking the no-kissing rule for her newborn? The pediatrician’s advice was clear—only Lily and her husband could kiss their daughter for 8-12 weeks to protect her fragile immune system. Yet, MIL accused Lily of hypocrisy and demanded she stop kissing the baby in her presence, claiming it was upsetting.

Lily’s firm refusal to curb her maternal affection sparked a heated clash, with MIL and sister-in-law labeling her disrespectful. This isn’t just about a kiss—it’s a raw battle over boundaries, newborn safety, and in-law entitlement, igniting a debate about whose feelings matter most when a baby’s health is at stake.

‘AITA for refusing to stop kissing my own baby?’

My husband (M25) and I (F25) have a six-week-old daughter. She's our first baby and the first grandchild in both of our families. We were advised by our pediatrician to not allow anyone besides ourselves to kiss our baby for the first 8-12 weeks minimum.

This has been communicated to both of our families who have been respectful of this (as well as our other boundaries/rules) despite a little bit of grumbling about it from his side. Last weekend we were over at my in-laws house and I had just finished breastfeeding my daughter, so she was all sleepy.

I kissed her forehead before settling her to nap on my chest. My MIL noticed and immediately remarked on it in a super passive-aggressive manner: 'Oh, I'm *so* glad that we're able to kiss \[baby\] now! Did your pediatrician update the rules?' I was super confused and asked her what she meant and that the pediatrician's recommendation hadn't changed.

She then accused me of violating the rules by kissing my own baby. I told her that the recommendation was that no one besides myself and my husband kiss our daughter, and she argued and heavily implied that I was being dishonest because I'd previously said 'nobody can kiss the baby' rather than 'nobody but husband and I can kiss the baby.'

She went on and on about this until I snapped that it should've been obvious that the rules we told her regarding our baby were about what we would/wouldn't allow OTHER PEOPLE people to do. She called me a h**ocrite so I got up and shut myself in the guest room while my daughter continued to nap on me.

A little while later MIL came in and 'apologized,' claiming it was a kneejerk reaction and she was just confused and upset. She said she understands now that the rule only applies to other people. She then asked me if I would avoid kissing my baby in front of her until she's allowed to do so as well, because it's upsetting to see me doing that and knowing that she can't.

I told her I can understand that it's frustrating to have strong urge to kiss a baby and not be able to. But I am personally not going to stop kissing *my own* baby for the sake of her feelings. MIL is calling me disrespectful and a h**ocrite and has gotten SIL on board with this as well. AITA?

Newborn safety should unite families, but Lily’s clash with her MIL reveals how entitlement can fracture bonds. The pediatrician’s no-kissing rule for 8-12 weeks, except for parents, protects the baby from risks like herpes simplex virus, which can be fatal for infants, as noted by pediatrician Dr. Tanya Altmann: “Parental kisses are low-risk due to shared microbiomes, but outsiders pose real threats.” Lily’s kiss on her daughter’s forehead was not only safe but vital for bonding, yet her MIL’s accusation of hypocrisy misinterprets the rule to center her own feelings.

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The core issue is boundaries versus envy. MIL’s passive-aggressive remark and demand that Lily refrain from kissing her baby in her presence reflect a lack of respect for parental authority. Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward warns, “In-law overreach can strain new parents if spouses don’t mediate.” Lily’s husband’s absence in the conflict suggests he needs to step up, as MIL’s “apology” doubles down on emotional manipulation. The rule was clear—only parents kiss the baby—yet MIL’s fixation on fairness ignores medical necessity.

This mirrors a trend: 75% of new parents report in-law boundary disputes. Lily’s refusal is justified, but reducing contact until the 12-week mark could prevent further clashes. Dr. Forward suggests “united parental fronts.” Lily and her husband should reinforce the rule calmly, explaining its medical basis, and limit visits if MIL persists. Therapy could help Lily navigate MIL’s guilt-tripping. Lily’s stance is rooted in her baby’s safety, not disrespect.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit dove into Lily’s in-law drama with fierce support and witty jabs, unpacking MIL’s overreach with gusto. Here’s a slice of the community’s lively takes.

Swirlyflurry − NTA. What’s next, is she going to ask you to stop breastfeeding in front of her since she doesn’t get to do it too?. She needs to back off.

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Zthehumam − NTA: if you like, I’d be happy to politely tell your MIL to go to hell. In all honesty, your spouse needs to deal with this. The rule should always always be: “your parent, your problem” (excepting those handful of situations where the in-laws like the spouse more than their own kid).

ThrowRAsharingabed − NTA you don’t have a baby kissing problem, you have a mother in law problem

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corgihuntress − Solution: Don't go near either of them with the baby and then they won't have to see a damned thing. NTA

LadySmuag − NTA. This is a perfect opportunity for some malicious compliance, though. If she doesn't want to see you kiss your baby because its soOoOo hard, you guys should stop visiting her entirely until the baby is older. You're just respecting her wishes ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯

Traveler691 − This is absurd. You need to just limit contact with these nut jobs until your baby has had her immunizations. Your husband needs to step up here and deal with his relatives.

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Incidentally, when YOU kiss YOUR baby, you pick up bacteria and viruses on her skin. Your body, with its mature immune system, creates antibodies which are delivered to her at her next feeding. NTA

apritch7 − Definitely NTA. What is with this obsession that people have for kissing OTHER peoples babies, especially that young. Bugs the hell out of me.

Loading-Laundry − NTA what's next, is she gonna ask you to stop breastfeeding the baby because she can't breastfeed the baby? Tell her she's being absurd and if she wants to keep seeing her grandchild, she needs to do some growing up herself.

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EnglishMuffin- − NTA. The reason the pediatrician asked this is that adults can very easily pass herpes (from cold sores) to babies and their immune systems aren’t strong enough. An acquaintance of mine’s baby died because a relative kissed her baby with a not yet visible sore.

AceyAceyAcey − NTA you are literally following medical advice, and also giving your baby the necessary skin contact that infants need. If your MIL can’t take this, your husband should be mediating the interactions, not you, and you should consider going LC with her.

These Reddit quips cut deep, but do they solve the family rift? Protecting a newborn needs more than applause—it takes firm boundaries and teamwork.

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Lily’s refusal to stop kissing her six-week-old daughter wasn’t just maternal instinct—it was a stand for her baby’s safety against her MIL’s entitlement. The pediatrician’s rule was clear, yet MIL’s accusations and demands exposed a rift fueled by envy and misunderstanding. This saga shows how newborn boundaries can spark family feuds when respect falters. How would you navigate an in-law’s push to control your parenting choices? Share your thoughts or experiences below!

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