AITA for telling my co worker the real reason why no one wants to go to her place?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy high school teachers’ potluck, laughter bouncing off the walls, and the scent of homemade dishes mingling in the air. Amid the nostalgia of retro board games and warm camaraderie, one teacher, Pam, unwittingly sets the stage for an awkward showdown. Her persistent push to host at her condo, paired with her critique of a colleague’s cleaning habits, unravels a truth no one dared to voice—until now. This tale of workplace bonds and blunt honesty leaves everyone questioning: was the truth too harsh?

Our storyteller, a 27-year-old teacher, finds herself at the heart of this drama. Known for hosting lively gatherings at her “fun house,” she’s caught off guard when Pam’s comments turn personal. The tension peaks when Pam’s unsanitary habits come to light, sparking a clash that leaves the staffroom buzzing. Readers, brace yourselves for a story that’s equal parts cringe and relatable, as we dive into the messy dynamics of workplace friendships.

‘AITA for telling my co worker the real reason why no one wants to go to her place?’

So I (27F) am a teacher at a high school. The department I’m in likes to stay close and social w/ each other so we do these potluck hangouts sometimes. My place, has been dubbed the “fun house” as everyone likes the old school games I have as it gives them a sense of nostalgia and me and my boyfriends’ cooking is great.

I have this co worker, let’s call her “Pam”, who desperately wants to host one but always gets shot down. I asked another teacher why and they told me her place stinks…literally. I didn’t believe it till I went there to pick up my game system. It’s a very foul, strong, and noticeable smell but Pam seems to not notice it.

Not to long ago we had a February break and all the teachers decided it would be nice for another get together. Pam offered her place again, but the teachers said they would prefer my house. Pam protested for a bit, then finally agreed. On the day of the get together while me and my bf were cleaning, Pam comes hours early and later on begins to study my cleaning methods.

Pam then makes a comment on how I clean with to many products. I shrug it off and said that’s how my mom taught me to clean. She then goes on this rant about how being overly clean is not a good thing and tries to label what I’m doing as a disorder. I then ask her about her cleaning habits.

Pam tells me that she doesn’t use any products, just a rag and hot water, she doesn’t change out trash bags unless they show signs of tear and doesn’t mop. Just sweeps. Me and my bf exchanged looks, but didn’t say anything. At this time the get together starts and everything is going fine till Pam starts to tell everyone about how I clean and tries to make a joke of it.

Everyone awkwardly laughs, but she just keeps going w/ this bad joke. Annoyed, I then tell her that maybe she should use me as a model on how to clean her house. She asks me what do I mean by that. I held my tongue until she starts complaining about why no one wants to come to her place, especially since her place is a “nice condo”,

and mine is just a small house on the “odd side of town”. I then tell her the truth, saying that her place smells awful. She thought I was making a cruel joke and laughed, till she noticed how everyone was silent. This sent her into a rage and she calls everyone fake,

and calls me an a**hole for “making up such a crazy lie” about the smell of her place before storming off. Pam has stopped talking to all of us and even skips out on our Monday meetings. I tried talking to her in private, but she just curses me out. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut like the others(?).. AITA?

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Pam’s public critique of her colleague’s cleaning habits opened the door to an uncomfortable but necessary truth. Workplace dynamics, especially among close-knit groups like teachers, often hinge on unspoken social rules. Dr. Lillian Glass, a communication expert, notes, “Honesty in professional settings requires tact—publicly shaming someone risks escalating conflict rather than resolving it” (source: DrLillianGlass.com). Here, the OP’s blunt reveal about Pam’s home odor, while provoked, turned a private issue into a public spectacle.

The clash reflects differing values around cleanliness. Pam’s minimalistic approach—using just a rag and hot water—contrasts sharply with the OP’s thorough methods. This isn’t just about a smelly condo; it’s about how personal habits shape social perceptions. Research from the American Cleaning Institute shows 72% of people judge others based on home cleanliness (source: CleaningInstitute.org). Pam’s obliviousness to her home’s odor likely stems from habituation, where one becomes desensitized to familiar smells.

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Broadening the issue, this story highlights the delicate balance of honesty in workplace relationships. Publicly addressing a colleague’s flaw, even if accurate, can fracture trust. The OP’s frustration was valid—Pam’s mockery invited retaliation—but a private conversation might have preserved their rapport. Dr. Glass suggests addressing sensitive issues one-on-one to maintain respect while fostering understanding.

For solutions, the OP could initiate a private apology to Pam, acknowledging the public misstep while gently suggesting hygiene resources, like cleaning guides from reputable sites (e.g., GoodHousekeeping.com). Pam, in turn, might benefit from professional cleaning advice to address her home’s odor, rebuilding her confidence to host. Both parties could rebuild trust through open, respectful dialogue, ensuring future potlucks stay drama-free.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s verdict? A mix of spicy takes and sage advice, served with a side of humor. Here’s what the community had to say about this smelly situation:

Bill_Shatners_Penis − NTA. But Pam's house smells like one.

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541savy − NTA, she sat there and criticized your normal cleaning habits, it’s a two way street. She’s more than likely just embarrassed for not realizing that she’s “dirty”

missmegz1492 − NTA. She walked right into that one... Although the kinder thing would have been that another teacher at the school would have brought up this issue in private after Pam repeatedly tried to host events.

[Reddit User] − ESH. She was being rude, has a dangerous mentality about her own cleanliness-- but was it necessary to call her out in front of everyone else? I might have changed the subject, because Pam was making an ass out of herself and I am guessing that no one else felt that her criticisms of you were valid.

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Instead, you said the quiet part out loud and humiliated her. When you socialize with the same people you work with, sometimes, you read the room and realize that no good will come from putting her down. She may also have some very odd issue in that she can't smell things very well. Or perhaps she was brought up that way, which would be even more damning to her.

(edit: I'm not going to keep replying to further comments; let's just say that I don't believe this is realistically a hill to die on or 'being disrespected' or anything like that. I'm always going to err on the side of being the more gracious person in situations like the one OP described.

[Reddit User] − NTA If Pam didn't want to get called out in front of the group, she should've kept her mouth quiet during the gathering instead of trying to mock you for being too clean.

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hugatro − NTA she kept pushing and made digs at how you do things. If she can't take it don't dish it

Suspicious_Path110 − NTA. Sometimes you need a little bit of bleach or a lot of truth. Apparently, this lady needs both.

[Reddit User] − ESH. Her behavior could've been better dealt with if it was that triggering, and you (collective, you and your colleagues) still have to work together. Sure, she's an i**ot, but that's humiliating. Sometimes silence or a convo to the side (especially when someone's publicly acting out) works wonders. Y'all are teachers, right? What would you advise if this were a group of your students in that situation?

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Edit: I'm actually kind of chuckling at how much I've gotten downvoted on my additional replies in this thread. I'm speaking from a very logical, calm place because I have seen s**t like this go down before in my life... and I know I retrospect that I could have done more to help mitigate things. It's tough to know that there's going to be additional fallout, too.

velma-solved-it − Damn, Pam! That is some medieval-grade sanitation!. NTA. Sounds like Pam had it coming.

Izzy4162305 − NTA. Honestly she sounds unsanitary and I would not want to set foot in her place.

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These Reddit hot takes range from brutal honesty to calls for tact, but do they reflect workplace reality? Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the middle—honesty is vital, but delivery matters.

This potluck-turned-showdown reminds us how quickly workplace banter can spiral into hurt feelings. The OP’s truth bomb about Pam’s smelly condo was a bold move, but was it the right one? Navigating honesty in close-knit groups is tricky—too much tact can bury issues, but bluntness can burn bridges. What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice in the comments—have you ever faced a Pam in your workplace?

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