AITA for rescinding my sisters invite to my wedding and laughing at her husband?

In a quiet corner of wedding planning, a 27-year-old groom sifts through guest lists, his pen hesitating over his sisters’ names. Estranged from his mother since her affair tore their family apart, he’s built a life with his dad and stepmom, leaving his sisters on the sidelines. When his older sister demands their mom’s inclusion at his upcoming wedding, a tense call ends with her invite revoked—and her husband’s attempt to mend fences met with biting mockery.

This groom’s saga unfolds amid glittering engagement joy, where old wounds clash with new beginnings. His sharp words to his brother-in-law, a stranger to him, stir a storm of family criticism, with even his fiancée questioning his tact. As the December wedding looms, this tale weaves through the thorns of estrangement, loyalty, and the cost of holding grudges.

‘AITA for rescinding my sisters invite to my wedding and laughing at her husband?’

I (27M) have 2 sister, an older Jessica (30F) and a younger (26F). Me parents are divorced and my dad is remarried. When I was 16 my parents split due to my mom having an affair with a friend of mines dad. I was at the age where I could decide who to live with. I choose my dad.

My sisters choose to shuffle back and forth. Me and my sisters have never been close afterwards. I have not spoken to my mom since I graduated back in 2014 and my sisters have been bitching about it since. My sisters don’t like my step mom while I love her, so they don’t come to my dads much which we are both fine with.

I don’t speak to them unless necessary around the Hollidays. I did not attend my older sisters wedding due to the tension so I’ve never met her husband. I’m currently engaged and our wedding is in December. I planned to invite both my sisters for the sake of my fiancé who wanted them there.

My younger sister isn’t coming because I did not invite my mom and instead have my step mom involved and I’m happy with that. My older sister pretends to be this big family person on social media so I think for appearances she was going to come.

After I sent the invite she called and said it wasn’t right to phase our mom out considering her side of the family will be there. I said I didn’t ask her advice on the guest list. She said in solidarity with our other sister and our mother she isn’t coming. I said great. That was a month ago.

Last week I got a call from a random number who ended up being my BIL saying he spoke with my sister and she wanted to come. I said that isn’t what she said originally. He said she was trying to force something and that was wrong and she wanted to attend. I said it was too late as the offer had been rescinded.

He said that family was important and it would be a good step. I asked who the hell he even was… as I’ve never even met him. He said my sister is too proud to call so he did it for her. I said it was too bad her ego was that big that she’d allow her husband do her dirty work so there was no invite.

I pretty much told the guy that family wasn’t that important given I don’t even know who he is and that his wife tried to threaten me, so I was done with it. He said a few other things about family and I just laughed at him telling him I don’t even know him, they obviously want a free dinner and he should get his balls back from my sister.

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My fiancé heard most of the convo and said I was being an AH to him, even if my sister was toxic. I told her that the a**hole thing is to call on your wife’s behalf about an issue that doesn’t concern you. And to threaten your sibling with s**t to get them to do what you want. So I was just retuning it. AITA?

A groom’s decision to uninvite his sister after her ultimatum about their estranged mother reflects deep-seated family rifts, but his harsh mockery of her husband escalates the conflict unnecessarily. The sister’s demand to include their mother, against the groom’s clear boundaries, was a power play, yet his response to her husband’s outreach—laced with insults—turned a chance for reconciliation into a deeper wound.

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Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Anger can protect us, but lashing out often deepens estrangement” . Lerner’s insight suggests the groom’s reaction stems from unresolved pain from his parents’ divorce, but his verbal attack on his brother-in-law, a neutral party, risks alienating potential allies. A calmer refusal could have preserved his stance without burning bridges.

This scenario ties into broader patterns of family estrangement. A 2023 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 27% of adults report estrangement from a family member, often fueled by unresolved conflicts like infidelity . The groom’s choice to exclude his mother is valid, but his sister’s ultimatum and his subsequent cruelty reflect a cycle of retaliation that hinders healing.

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To move forward, Psychology Today recommends setting firm boundaries while maintaining civility, like calmly reiterating decisions without personal attacks . The groom could acknowledge his brother-in-law’s effort, restate his guest list stance, and leave the door open for future dialogue. Therapy might also help him process his anger, ensuring his wedding day isn’t overshadowed by family ghosts.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s community was divided, with some backing the groom’s right to rescind his sister’s invite after her ultimatum. They saw her demand as manipulative, arguing he owed no obligation to accept her reversal, especially via her husband’s call, and viewed his boundary-setting as justified given their distant relationship.

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Others criticized his handling of the brother-in-law, calling his insults immature and unnecessary. They felt he squandered a chance to mend ties by mocking a polite attempt at reconciliation, labeling his jabs about “free dinner” and “balls” as cruel, especially since the husband was merely a messenger.

extinct_diplodocus − * Jessica issued an ultimatum: invite mom or I won't come. * Op declined the condition and uninvited Jessica. * Later, Jessica tried to undo the ultimatum via having her husband call.*

Op declined to accept the undo. Op didn't reject the undo in a gentle way, but Op had no obligation to pretend the ultimatum wasn't issued. Op also had no obligation to allow the undo. Op is **NTA**.

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[Reddit User] − ESH. You almost weren’t, but childish insults at the end questioning BIL’s manhood for trying to mend bridges? Come on now. Just tell him, “My decision is final, please don’t call back.” And hang up.

Also your sister didn’t threaten you by the description, so no need to be overly dramatic. “Invite mom or I’ll cause a scene”-a threat. “Invite mom or I’m not going”-an ultimatum. The difference is one is proposing retaliatory action, the other is them just saying they’ll remove themselves from the situation.

ThatsALittleCornball − Eesh, dude, I was with you for most of this but when BIL called, you knew you had 'won' and chose to be vindictive instead of taking the olive branch. You know it's not about a free meal, and it's irrelevant that you've never met BIL in person. I cringed hard at your account of that phone conversation. Sorry but YTA.

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cyrfuckedmymum − YTA. Specifically for how you treated your BIL. You said yourself you hadn't met him, you dont' know him but you treated him like s**t when he was nothing but polite and trying to create a bridge. If you really think they wanted a free meal you're ridiculous.

Your sister asked your BIL to call and was trying to save a little face, she wanted to be there for you and yeah, she was an a**hole and tried to manipulate to include your mother, okay, family do dumb things

she was extending a branch through her BIL because she's embarrassed and you for no apparently reason took a flamethrower to that branch while acting like a child. You could have just said no, not thrown names and left it open for the future but instead were unnecessarily mean.

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[Reddit User] − YTA - you took it too far and you have a terrible attitude. They just want a free dinner? He should get his balls back from your sister? Absolutely unnecessary. You're an adult - act like one.

Dipshitistan − NTA for rescinding your sister’s invite, but MAN were you a major a**hole to your BIL. With zero justification.

No_Scientist7086 − ESH - Besides your kind fiancé.

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cuervoguy2002 − YTA. You sound a bit much honestly. I don't know the history, but it does sound like you are being needlessly mean about all of this. You can invite or not invite who you want, but this guy was trying to mend a situation and you started s**t talking and trying to emasculate him for trying to do a good thing.

JimJam4603 − You sound like kind of an AH all around. Maybe it’s because you’re still hurting from when your parents split. Maybe you should look into that. Either way, YTA

Rohini_rambles − ESH. Glad your fiance is seeing all of this now so it's not a surprise.

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This groom’s wedding drama lays bare the scars of family estrangement, where a single call can unravel years of distance. His stand against his sister’s ultimatum held firm, but his sharp tongue cut deeper than needed. How do you handle family meddling in your big moments? Share your stories and insights below.

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