AITA for not going out of my way to smile at/interact with my coworkers child?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A once-peaceful office turned chaotic when a toddler’s giggles and cries filled the air, pushing one woman’s patience to the brink. Imagine a quiet workspace, where focused typing is interrupted by a 3-year-old’s endless energy. For the 24-year-old OP, sharing an office with moms was smooth until one coworker brought her daughter, citing a daycare closure, transforming work into an impromptu nursery.

The OP’s choice to stay task-focused, offering minimal interaction with the child, led to a coworker’s heated accusation of “negative energy.” Reddit’s buzzing with opinions on this clash of professionalism versus empathy. Was she wrong to prioritize work, or is the coworker’s expectation unfair in a professional setting?

‘AITA for not going out of my way to smile at/interact with my coworkers child?’

First, I don’t hate children. I (24 F) share an office with 3 other women who are 10+ years older than me and all have children. It’s usually very quiet in our office, safe for the occasional conversation or client/internal call. We get along well, we’re just very focused on our tasks.

A month ago one of my coworkers started bringing her 3 year old with her. Apparently her daycare has shut down for staff/covid reasons, she has no one else, and the boss allowed it. I hadn’t expected just how much noise a 3 year old means.

Babbling, crying, running around, my coworkers cooing over and talking to her, it was rarely silent. I DID feel bothered by it, especially the running, but I just sucked it up, because I know a small child can't be quiet for 8 hours. Some days she was so hyperactive I could barely concentrate on my work.

I considered wearing headphones, but I felt that it would be on another level of rudeness and I also wouldn’t hear the phone. Most of the time I ignore her. I don’t go out of my way to make conversation and when she shows me something, I comment on it but keep it short.

One time she asked me if we could „play the card game“ (solitaire), as my coworkers had done with her and I said sorry, no, I gotta work. I’m also not very emotive and I don't put on an ear splitting smile and an excited voice when talking to her.

I’m here to work, not to play daycare, and right now it feels exactly like that. Once I had to ask my coworker to take her crying daughter outside because a client was on the line and I didn’t want to seem unprofessional, which she didn’t take very well.

Today I pulled the coworker aside and asked her if she had any idea when the daycare situation would get resolved and she unloaded on me. How I’m such an ass for being so unfriendly with her daughter, I don’t pay her any attention when she wants something from me, I always have a mean face and don’t talk to her nicely, how she (the mother) can feel my „negative energy“.

Apparently her daughter thinks I don’t like her, which makes her sad. Then she mentioned the time I asked her to take her daughter out, and how I clearly have no empathy for a small child in distress. I was a bit taken aback and I explained to her that I didn’t mean to be unfriendly, but my job here is not to entertain children.

Then she said I must be a miserable person if I can be so bothered by a child being a child and left. On one hand I feel bad because I didn’t want to be mean and she has no other options,

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but on the other hand I don’t see why I have to just put up with this when I was never even asked if I’d be okay with the child being there. On top of that, no prior warning and no information as to how much longer this circus will be going on for.. So AITA for not going out of my way to be friendly?. 

Maintaining focus amid a toddler’s chaos isn’t rude—it’s a necessity. The OP’s coworker, caught in a daycare crisis, brought her 3-year-old to the office, disrupting a shared professional space. Expecting the OP to play along with smiles and games unfairly burdens her, clashing with her responsibility to deliver quality work, especially during client interactions.

Workplace distractions from children spiked during Covid. A 2021 study in Work, Employment and Society found that 62% of employees in shared offices report reduced productivity when children are present. The coworker’s emotional outburst reflects her stress, but demanding the OP’s warmth oversteps workplace norms.

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Dr. Amy McCart, a workplace psychologist, notes in Forbes , “Employees aren’t required to adapt to colleagues’ personal challenges at the cost of their duties.” The OP’s polite but firm approach, including her request during a client call, was reasonable. She should calmly raise the issue with her boss, suggesting solutions like a quieter workspace.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit gang rolled in with no-nonsense takes, dishing out support like a blunt office memo. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the community:

Nannookdoowah − NTA. You’re working at an office, not a child care. It’s not your place to make this office inviting for a child. I would argue that the office should be for paid workers only. No matter the age, having a non working human in a workspace is distracting. I don’t understand why your leadership is allowing this behavior.

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RedoubtableSouth − NTA. You don't work at a daycare, your job isn't to be entertaining children. From what you've described, you've been polite about the whole situation. Instead of getting mad at you, this mom should be grateful no one's complained about her kid being a nuisance and that she hasn't yet been told to stop bringing her in.

KandiJoe − NTA - you’re there to work. One day is fine but a whole month of having a child there? No, that place is not a daycare and that mother had so long to find someone else to take her child.

That’s super unprofessional. She also has no right to call you out for asking her if she can sooth her child somewhere else because it is super unprofessional to have a baby crying in the background of an office.. She should be out on FMLA to take care of her child.

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jenyad20 − NTA. She couldn't get a daycare so she decided to make it everybody's problem. COVID quarantine is a couple of weeks, beyond that sounds like she just decided to save money on daycare, if it was me I would talk to the boss after 2 weeks, and if its still not resolved than I would find another job.

GSWCPP − I do think it’s time to talk to your boss. You don’t need to question the boss approving the kid in the office or even formally complain about the situation. Personally, I’d just let him know you ran into an uncomfortable situation while working with a client awhile ago,

and you wanted some feedback on how the boss would like it handled in the future since your solution inadvertently caused additional tension in the office. Then describe the situation with the phone call vs. wailing kid in the background.

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Be sure to phrase it along the lines of I really appreciate you working with person x’s childcare situation (even if you don’t, because that *is* the boss’ prerogative & shows they treat their employees as real people ;)

and most of the time we’ve been able to work around having a 3 year old in the workspace but I was on an important client call and wasn’t sure what to do. Would it have been better to reschedule the call? Or is there somewhere else the boss would want me to take the call?. eta: NTA. eta2: Thanks for the *multiple* awards! Glad so many found this helpful :)

SleepDeprivedSailor − NTA. What your co-worker is doing is really unprofessional and I think you need to speak with your boss about this. What she is doing is hindering you from working

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and making the company look unprofessional when clients call in and there is a child screaming in the background. If your boss does not want to do anything about the kid then ask to be moved to a different office or a location where you can close the door and it’s quiet

0biterdicta − NTA but if the situation is impacting your ability to perform your job, it may be time to speak with the boss about it.

teresajs − NTA. Wear your headphones. Leave the volume low enough that you'll hear your phone ring.. Also, don't do anything for this coworker or her child.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. You aren't a babysitter for someone else's kid. It's off putting how she expects you to put your job on hold for her daughters wants and needs. I can hardly imagine being able to keep it together with a screaming child.

She needs to find other options because her daughter is a disruption some extent, while well intentioned. If she is a distraction for you, it's likely that other people feel just the same way but don't want to be friendly. You aren't going out of your way to not be friendly, you are trying to do your job and faced with constant distraction that makes it impossible.

havartna − NTA. Places of business are places of business. Kids don’t bother me at all in normal circumstances (I love them, actually, and am nearly always happy to see them), but if I’m on the phone with a client then I will eject anyone being noisy, whether that’s a kid, someone whose true love just dumped them,

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or someone whose childhood pet died the night before. I’m not telling you not to be a kid, or sad, or happy, or mad, or whatever… but take that s**t outside. There’s work to be done.

Redditors championed the OP’s focus, calling the coworker’s expectations unprofessional and suggesting boss intervention or headphones. Some saw the child’s presence as a management failure, while others empathized with the mom’s bind. But do these opinions balance both sides, or lean too hard into judgment? This office drama has sparked a lively debate on work and empathy.

This workplace saga highlights the tension between personal crises and professional duties. The OP’s restraint wasn’t cold—it was her job. Yet, the coworker’s struggle underscores the real challenges of parenting in a pinch. It’s a reminder that workplaces need clear policies to navigate such disruptions. How would you handle a coworker’s child upending your focus at work? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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