AITA For Faking A Miscarriage To Silence In Laws’ Baby Pressure?

The Thanksgiving table was set with warmth—golden turkey, cranberry sauce, and the clinking of glasses—but for one woman, the air was thick with dread. Her in-laws, oblivious to her pain, were poised to ask the same exhausting question: “When are you giving us grandkids?” Struggling with infertility, she’d faced this interrogation before, each word a reminder of her body’s betrayal. Her heart raced as the chatter began, knowing her patience was wearing thin. Would this be the moment she’d snap?

The weight of those questions wasn’t just about family curiosity; it was a public dissection of her private grief. She and her husband had accepted their childless future, embracing roles as the ultimate aunt and uncle. Yet, her in-laws refused to relent, their insistence a stinging echo of what could never be. This dinner, meant for gratitude, became a battleground of emotions, pushing her to a breaking point that would leave the table in stunned silence.

‘AITA For Faking A Miscarriage To Silence In Laws’ Baby Pressure?’

Obviously a throwaway, and I know this sounds horrible but let me explain. After several years of trying for children, we finally gave in and saw the doctor. My husband is fine. My ladybits aren't, to the point that not only am I not having kids, there's almost no option for IVF.

It has hurt, but we have finally decided to invest our time into becoming the world's best aunt and uncle. The families felt differently.. 'When are you going us grandbabies/ niblings?'. We aren't. We can't.. (After plenty of comments about it happening naturally on a vacation) 'well you should see a doctor.'.

We have.. 'You know, there's always IVF/surrogate/ adoption.'. Yes, we know. And no.. 'You'll regret not having kids when you're older!'. Not as much as I regret this conversation.... 'But MY GRANDBABIES!!!' My family has finally given in and dropped it.

My inlaws can't seem to comprehend that they're not getting grandkids anytime soon, maybe because my BIL is gay and the family bloodline is ending. We got together for thanksgiving, and at the table in front of his grandparents, an aunt/ uncle, and 2 cousins came the dreaded comments...

'We need a playmate for (cousin's kid). When are you guys getting pregnant?' I couldn't take it anymore. I answered 'we already were pregnant twice this year. But I'm not anymore. Thanks for reminding me.' It kinda ruined the mood at dinner.

I talked about it with my sister and a friend. My sis understands because the inlaws were pressuring so much after we said we couldn't. (Of course, her kids are the victims of our spoiling). My best friend said it was a really s**tty thing to do and it disrespected anyone who lost a pregnancy.

Maybe she's right, but the inlaws have finally given up. AITA for comparing my failures to get pregnant with a miscarriage? I know it's a greater loss when you're actually pregnant. But I can't take the constant questions, and they finally stopped.

Family pressure over personal choices can feel like a relentless storm, especially when it involves something as intimate as having children. For this couple, the in-laws’ insistence on grandkids ignored their emotional reality. Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship expert, notes, “When family members push their expectations without empathy, it can create a toxic dynamic that forces defensive responses”. The woman’s lie about miscarriages was a desperate shield against this intrusion.

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The in-laws’ behavior reflects a broader issue: societal obsession with procreation. According to a 2021 Pew Research study, 44% of childless adults face stigma for their choice or circumstance. Her lie, while controversial, was a reaction to this pressure. It wasn’t about trivializing miscarriage but about reclaiming control. However, it risks future misunderstandings, as her in-laws may now assume she can conceive.

Dr. Greer suggests setting firm boundaries: “Clear communication, led by the partner whose family is overstepping, can prevent escalation.” The husband’s silence here is notable—his role in deflecting his family’s questions could have spared his wife this moment. Couples in similar situations should unite, perhaps drafting a script to shut down intrusive queries without resorting to falsehoods.

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For solutions, therapy can help process grief and build strategies for handling family dynamics. Online support groups, like those on Reddit’s r/infertility, offer solidarity. The couple might also consider a candid conversation with the in-laws, explaining their medical reality to foster understanding, though low contact may be necessary if boundaries are ignored.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as the Thanksgiving stuffing! Here’s what the community had to say:

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JunieBeth − NTA They ruined your mood, it's completely fair to ruin theirs. Maybe they'll learn to keep their mouths shut. I hate people like that. I'm so sorry you had to deal with them. Edit to add: I've miscarried twice and I don't see what you said as being disrespectful to anyone who lost a pregnancy.

Auroraburst − NTA. I've had a miscarriage and honestly this would only be offensive if you had said it for attention. You did it for the opposite reason and if thats what it takes then that's what it takes. I do however feel like you have dug yourselves a hole. I doubt this will stop them asking for good and if you ever decide to tell the truth then it could be complicated.

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KeepLkngForIntllgnce − Someone on Reddit once used a phrase I loved: this is not the Trauma Olympics. I get that miscarrying is horrible and hurts in ways unimaginable. But that doesn’t lessen the pain for someone who’s so wanting to be a parent and finding out ain’t no way in hell.. The poking, jabbing and questions hurt. People need to learn and back the fvck off.

Jonster_1988 − NTA you were emotional and it's the bad part about not having kids not for lack of trying. Your family understood but your hubby's family needed to think of your feelings over this and the moment pushed you over the edge and hence the lie. It for the moment held them off. Later you can clear it up that you lied to stop their pushing which needed to stop.

recognize_choice − Had two miscarriages, and even though I eventually had a child, the loss remains. I would not call you an AH for being backed into a corner and just trying to make the inquisition end. I am so sorry that you are grieving not having children, though it takes a different form than a miscarriage.

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However, I don't think you helped yourself in the long run, because the IL's will take what you said as evidence that you can get pregnant. Please talk to your husband and come up with a better game plan, whether that involves going LC/NC, or him running interference, or having a come-to-Jesus conversation where the ground rules going forward are explicitly laid out.. Best wishes to you.

Competitive_Bison_10 − Nta. It's nobody's business. I've had miscarriages and this seems like the only way to them to stfu in your case. Anybody saying it's rude to people which miscarried , I'm pretty sure infertility is pretty high up there as far as sad goes. There's no right way to handle this. Do you boo.

Veteris71 − Why is your husband standing by and allowing his family to harass you this way? He needs to tell them to STFU and leave you alone.

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Ok-Instruction-3806 − NTA. Was lying about a miscarriage wrong? Yes, absolutely, 100%. However, you were in the midst of processing the fact that you'd never have children, from what it sounds like the in-laws were being suffocating, and it's not as though it was a planned lie. You simply had enough and said the first thing on your mind that you knew would shut them up.

JustNoThrowsAway − I'm going with NTA with the understanding that everyone who has had a miscarriage will have differing opinions on this situation.

Diligent-Activity-70 − I had 5 miscarriages before being able to have my miracle baby. This is the perfect reason to lie about it. You weren't doing it for attention, you did what you had to do to get people to shut up and leave you alone because they wouldn't respect any other answer.. NTA

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These opinions light up the thread, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just armchair experts dishing out hot takes?

This story isn’t just about one lie—it’s about the toll of unspoken pain and the lengths we go to protect ourselves. The woman’s fib stopped the questions, but at what cost? Navigating family expectations is a universal struggle, and her tale sparks a bigger question: how do we balance honesty with self-preservation? What would you do if you were cornered like this at a family gathering? Share your thoughts below—we’re all ears!

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