AITA for refusing to take my son to visit his dad?

A mother steps off a plane, her son’s hand in hers, expecting a routine visit with his father. But the air shifts when her ex’s brother, with a sly grin, “jokes” that her ex could keep them both there—permanently. The words, repeated, hang heavy, especially when her ex doesn’t laugh it off. Now, back home, she’s haunted by the chilling possibility, refusing to return and sparking a fiery clash with her ex.

This story crackles with the tension of trust betrayed in co-parenting. The mother’s fear isn’t just paranoia—it’s a gut warning of potential danger. Readers might feel the chill of her dilemma, caught between honoring an agreement and protecting her child. When does a “joke” become a red flag? This tale of instinct and confrontation grips the heart.

‘AITA for refusing to take my son to visit his dad?’

I have an agreement with my ex that I’ll fly our son to him three times a year. Honestly, our arrangement was working pretty well until my last visit. His brother jokingly told me that if my ex wanted to, he could keep me and our son there and I wouldn’t be able to stop him.

He mentioned it multiple times in front of my ex, who never denied it, and now I feel paranoid and I don’t want to go back. My ex wanted to know when we would be coming next and I told him we wouldn’t be and he should come here to see our son instead. This caused a huge fight because I’m going back on our agreement. He said his brother was just joking and I was acting crazy.. AITA?

A “joke” about keeping a child can feel like a dagger to a parent’s trust. The mother’s refusal to fly her son to his father stems from a chilling moment—her ex’s brother repeatedly suggesting her ex could trap them, with no rebuttal from her ex. Her fear is valid: his silence signals complicity or, at best, indifference. The ex’s anger at her decision ignores the real threat his family’s words posed.

This scenario highlights the delicate balance of co-parenting across distances. A 2023 study from Family Court Review notes that 30% of co-parents face disputes over travel due to trust issues. Here, the brother’s remarks, even if meant lightly, tap into real fears of custodial interference, especially if the ex lives in a different jurisdiction.

Gavin de Becker, a security expert, writes in The Gift of Fear, “Intuition is always right in at least two important ways: it is always in response to something, and it always has your best interest at heart.” The mother’s gut reaction aligns with this, prioritizing her son’s safety. Her ex’s failure to address the “joke” amplifies her concerns, suggesting a need for legal clarity.

The mother should consult a family lawyer to review their agreement’s legal standing and local laws, especially if international travel is involved, as Nolo advises for cross-jurisdictional custody. Proposing supervised visits in her area could rebuild trust gradually. For now, her caution is prudent.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew swooped into this co-parenting drama like hawks, dishing out sharp insights and firm support. Here’s the raw take from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Saying it once is a “joke” (though not funny). That sounds more like intent. Keep your child safe.

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Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. Even if just a joke, it's also a threat. Have a qualified lawyer look up the laws of the place you'd be traveling to and determine whether your ex has the legal authority to do what was threatened.

mw_09 − “Jokes” like this often mask a truth - obviously this has been a conversation between them so you should be worried. How old is your son? Is the ex in a different country? NTA Look there are stories about people

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and kids being taken to places they can’t be got to and then being denied contact for years so tread carefully. Has something changed recently that he would want more custody? Why can’t he come to you? Is this a legal agreement or informal?

Monicawroteitbetter − NTA, is your agreement legally binding? If not, I'd suggest you talk to a lawyer ASAP!

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[Reddit User] − NTA. That wasn’t a joke. It was a threat. If he has a problem then he can take it up with his brother.

thenotsoamerican − NTA. Get a lawyer.

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sarcosaurus − NTA. People don't joke about things like that unless they're considering it, nor do they just sit there and let the joke fly if they're not considering it. I'm getting a bit of a feeling like they were testing the waters to see how naive you were about it. It's lucky you weren't! Never forget that this happened,

I'd never let my guard completely down around him again if I were you. You might also want to consider whether it's even safe to have him visit where you are. If you need validation that your gut feeling is right, check out 'The gift of fear' by Gavin de Becker. He describes so many real-life stories in that book of offhand jokes turning out to be legitimate warnings that shouldn't have been overheard.

nother_dumb_username − NTA and so long as there's no formal custody agreement then you're absolutely allowed to make that call. Even if it was his brother saying those things, that's just not something anyone should ever joke about.

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Honestly, why has the onus been solely on you to pay for two people to fly out for visits all the time? At the very least your ex should've been contributing financially for travel expenses. Since you've been doing it for at least a few years now, it's definitely time for him to step up to the plate

Voidg − NTA. I believe since it was stated multiple times you are justified in feeling uncomfortable. I would get a lawyer involved.

Selena385 − NTA. This gives me some serious 'Not without my daughter' vibes

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Redditors backed the mother’s instincts, labeling the brother’s “joke” a veiled threat and urging legal action. Some saw a setup; others questioned the ex’s motives. But do these fiery takes capture the full stakes, or just fan the flames?

This mother’s stand to protect her son from a vague but chilling threat cuts to the core of parental instinct. Her ex’s dismissal of her fears only deepens the rift, reminding us that trust in co-parenting is fragile. It’s a stark lesson in listening to your gut when “jokes” feel like warnings. What would you do if a co-parent’s family hinted at overstepping boundaries? Share your experiences below.

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