AITA For Admitting To My Husband That I Wasn’t Actually Happy On Our Wedding Day?

Picture a radiant bride, gliding down the aisle in a dress she didn’t choose, surrounded by flowers and music picked by someone else. For one woman, her wedding day, meant to be a celebration of love, felt like a performance in someone else’s script. At 30, she’s built a joyful life with her husband and kids, but the memory of their wedding stings. Why? Because a dying grandmother’s wishes turned her dream day into a family obligation.

The tension bubbled up years later when her enthusiasm for planning others’ weddings sparked a painful confession: she hated their big day. Now, her husband’s hurt, and the silent treatment looms. This tale dives into the messy clash of love, sacrifice, and unspoken expectations, pulling readers into a heartfelt drama where doing the “right” thing left lasting scars. How does a bride balance family duty with her own dreams?

‘AITA For Admitting To My Husband That I Wasn’t Actually Happy On Our Wedding Day?’

I (30f) have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 4 of them. I love him and I am genuinely happy with our marriage and the life we've built together with our children. I was happy the day he proposed. I was happy during our honeymoon. We've had our ups and downs ever since, but overall I would say that I was happy. Although, I wasn't happy during the planning and actual wedding. Why? Because it wasn't the wedding I wanted.

A few months into the engagement my husband's grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and was expected to live long. Our wedding was predicted to be the last big family event that she would ever attend. Of course I felt sad and was more than willing to change the date of the wedding to better suit her needs, but what I was not expecting was that it would become HER wedding and I was to be treated like a figure on a play set.

She picked out the venue, the color scheme, the food, music, the flowers, and even my dress. It all started out as subtle suggestions but when I started to try and put my foot down I was called a heartless bridezilla who couldn't honor a dying woman's request, and the fact that they were paying very little into the actual wedding would be an AH thing to bring up.

After a fight my husband was told to reconsider the engagement if I couldn't do this 'one thing' and how a wedding was more important to me than actually becoming a part of the family. Knowing that I'd never win, I sat in my car and cried for an hour mourning the loss of the wedding I wanted and in the end let the In Laws have their way. I didn't even attend further meetings to discuss the planning and left both the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party early.

One the actual day I swallowed my disappointment and just went through the motions. Since then my sister and best friend each had their weddings and I was MOH for both and was excited each time. I took my role very seriously and had a lot of fun. My cousin is getting married and asked me to be her MOH and I jumped at the chance.

Recently, I've been spending hours on the phone/Zoom putting together a planning binder. My husband took note of my enthusiasm and made a joke about 'missing that energy' on our day and brushed it off. After that I cut down my wedding planning in his presence but he wouldn't let up citing that we don't keep any wedding photos out,

that I got rid of my dress as soon as I could and how I looked so much more happy at someone else's wedding than our own. He wouldn't let up and eventually we got into a fight where I finally confessed that while I love him I hated our wedding. My husband is now hurt and giving me the silent treatment. AITA?

Edit: I stepped away for a little bit but I'm already getting so many wonderful comments and messages. Thank you so much for validating my feels. Although there are some things that I wanted to clear up first.

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1. My husband's grandma died a few months after we came back from the honeymoon and she recounted how our wedding as being one of the happiest moments of her final days so I made the decision to not bring up how much it wasn't a good day for me, so my husband and I have never really talked about our wedding in this way until now.

2. While I am into super planner mode for my cousin's wedding I am strictly adhering to the 'Bride and Groom Get Final Say' rule because I don't want to make others feel how I did. Hence the binder so if they shoot down one suggestion I've got three others. Lol.

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This bride’s wedding day hijacking is a gut-punch to anyone who’s ever felt steamrolled by family. The OP faced a brutal choice: honor a dying grandmother’s wishes or fight for her own vision, only to be branded heartless. Her silence during planning protected her husband’s family but buried her own pain—a classic case of emotional sacrifice gone unacknowledged.

Family dynamics often amplify during weddings. A 2020 study by The Knot found 45% of couples felt significant family pressure during wedding planning, with 20% reporting conflicts over control (source). The OP’s in-laws weaponized guilt, framing her resistance as selfishness, which stifled her voice. Her husband’s failure to intervene compounded the hurt, leaving her isolated.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes, “Successful marriages require turning toward each other’s bids for connection, even in conflict” (Source). The OP’s husband missed her distress signals during planning, and his current silent treatment echoes that disconnect. Her honesty, though painful, opens a door for healing.

To move forward, the couple should prioritize open communication. The OP could initiate a calm discussion, sharing her feelings without blame, while her husband reflects on his role. Couples counseling can help rebuild trust. Planning a vow renewal, as Reddit suggested, could let her reclaim her dream wedding.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, serving up empathy, sass, and some tough love for the OP. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s got a take, from cheering her honesty to roasting her husband’s family. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.

dbohat − NTA. You gave up your wedding for his family and were perfectly fine just never talking about it. He wanted the truth and he got it. He should be thankful for what you did for his grandma.

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Zoeyoe − NTA- He was wrong for not standing up for you and his family was very entitled and quite frankly disgusting with their behavior. He can stay mad because it doesn’t change the fact that they hijacked YOUR wedding. They choose the venue, dress, and all the other important things.

Lakota_Six − NTA.. Make plans to renew your vows and plan it yourself and have the wedding of your dreams then.

Cevanne46 − So to be clear, he pushed your feelings completely to one side and made it all about his needs (to support his grandmother) at your wedding and now when you reflect back on how much he hurt you he's pushed your feelings completely to one side and made it all about him again.. NTA but is he always like this?

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CanadianAreNice − NTA for your feelings but why did you not talk to your husband during the planning of your wedding to let him know how you felt at the time?

MrsJonesy2012 − NTA.. But plan your dream wedding for you vow renewal. I'm currently planning mine, I ended up 7 months pregnant at my wedding so my dress wasn't what I wanted, money was an issue. We vetoed having it abroad (my dream was a beach wedding) as my grandma wouldn't of been able able come, and then I was pregnant etc.. So I've spent 10 years daydreaming about our renewal and it's finally in sight.

EvanWasHere − INFO:. I just don't understand.. EVEN THE DRESS? Like.. when they told you the dress they wanted you to wear and you said no and they called you a bridezilla, did you not respond 'just to understand. I'm the bride. It's my wedding. Am I really not allowed to choose the dress I'm going to get married in? I'm a bridezilla because I want to wear a dress at my wedding that I like and choose myself?

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Did any of you not choose you own dress at your own goddamned wedding? I have no issue with grandma choosing things as well, but she got to plan her own wedding and wasn't called a bridezilla. Is my opinion at my own wedding really less?'

It's great that you moved up the wedding for her. But your husband is TA for not protecting you. For not putting his foot down. Ask him if he knows anyone else in his family that didn't choose their own wedding dress.

ShelfLifeInc − My husband is now hurt and giving me the silent treatment. INFO: Is he actually giving you silent treatment? Or is he simply processing the knowledge that he and his family pressured you into something you didn't want and ruined your day?

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If he was *still* trying to call you selfish for expecting your wedding to be about you and is punishing you for that, he would definitely be the a**hole. But it may just be that he is rewriting the memory in his head, and that s**t takes time. This may be the first time he's actually realising that 'wasn't it a wonderful wedding,

we got to get married AND celebrate Grandma' was **not** what happened and the truth is closer to 'my family bullied my wife into giving up *her* milestone event and making her a mere extra at her own wedding, and only now that I'm seeing other weddings and how happy my wife is at *other* people's weddings do I realise how much she and I were both robbed.'

WiseBad1 − NTA. Every time you tried to have something of your wedding for yourself, you were gaslit with guilt to make you conform to what they wanted. You’re allowed to be upset over that. Your husband still doesn’t understand this. Tell him “shoe on the other foot and hypothetically, it’s my mom is dying, and everything you want for our wedding is denied because it’s not what she wants.

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She picks the color, your suit, every important detail, and you’re not allowed to have an opinion because she’s dying. You’re basically a doll that’s getting dressed up and going through the motions of a day that you thought you would have had more of a hand in considering it’s your damn wedding. Then try and see it from my point of view.”

These Redditors rallied around the OP, validating her sacrifice while questioning her husband’s silence. Some pushed for a vow renewal, others called out the family’s entitlement. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just adding spice to the drama?

This story of a bride’s silenced dreams and a belated confession reminds us how family expectations can overshadow love’s biggest moments. The OP’s courage in speaking her truth, even years later, sparks a chance for healing—but it’s not without pain. It’s a poignant lesson in balancing duty with personal desires. Have you ever sacrificed something big for family? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo going.

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