AITA for not wanting to go to MIL’s birthday dinner because the dress code is a pain in the ass?

Picture a cozy living room, where a glowing mom-to-be, 7.5 months pregnant, sinks into her comfiest sweats, craving a quiet night. But a storm brews on the horizon: her mother-in-law’s (MIL) birthday dinner at a swanky restaurant with a dress code stricter than a royal gala. With her wardrobe bursting at the seams and her patience wearing thin, this Reddit user faces a dilemma—doll up for a chilly MIL or stay home in blissful comfort?

This AITA post spills the tea on family tensions, pregnancy woes, and a husband caught in the middle. The woman’s reluctance to squeeze into a fancy outfit, paired with her MIL’s frosty vibes, paints a relatable struggle. Readers are hooked, wondering if she’s justified in skipping the posh party or if she’s dodging family duty.

‘AITA for not wanting to go to MIL’s birthday dinner because the dress code is a pain in the ass?’

MIL is having a birthday dinner next weekend and the restaurant she picked has a very strict dress code. I totally get the concept of fine dining, and in general i love to dress up, but I am currently 7.5 months pregnant and I just don't have many things which fit. I don't want to go out and put effort into buying fancy clothes, which I will never wear again. I just want to sit at home and wear sweats.

Also MIL doesn't like me. She is currently polite, but frigid but she got me a baby shower gift that was so bad I feel like she had to have done it intentionally. I know no one is entitled to a gift, but I genuinely feel she bought something so cheap to prove a point. I've seen her spend more money on a gift for her husband's secretary.

It all left a bad taste in my mouth, not to mention she hasn't asked me how I was feeling a single time, hasn't asked about the baby, and generally ignores me. I told my husband that I don't want to go out and buy a new outfit for dinner, and I don't want to piece together something I have and maybe not make it in (they take this dress code seriously)

He said he felt bad, but what can we do, it's her birthday.  I told him I wasn't going and he got upset and said I was just using pregnancy as an excuse. He said he goes to my family things when he doesn't want to, and he only asks me to see MIL a couple times a year.

He finally broke down and admitted he is super uncomfortable going on his own, as he doesn't like anyone else there, and he won't have anyone to talk to. I told him if it was somewhere more casual I would suck it up, but I just can't put the mental effort into finding an outfit right now.

Pregnancy can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when family expectations clash with personal comfort. This woman’s refusal to attend her MIL’s upscale birthday dinner highlights a common tension: balancing self-care with social obligations. Her MIL’s cold demeanor, like the cheap baby shower gift, adds fuel to her reluctance, while her husband’s plea for support shows he’s stuck in a tough spot.

At 7.5 months pregnant, comfort is king. The strict dress code, requiring a new outfit she’ll never rewear, feels like an unfair hurdle. Her MIL’s lack of warmth—ignoring her pregnancy and baby—deepens the rift. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes in a Greater Good Magazine article, “Mutual respect is the cornerstone of family harmony.” MIL’s subtle slights undermine this, justifying the woman’s hesitation.

This story reflects a broader issue: societal pressure on pregnant women to “push through.” A 2022 study from the American Psychological Association found 60% of pregnant women feel obligated to prioritize others’ needs over their own. Here, the woman’s stand is self-preservation, not selfishness.

For solutions, she could propose a casual post-birthday lunch with MIL, showing goodwill without sacrificing comfort. Couples counseling could help her and her husband align on family boundaries.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s got some sassy opinions, served with a side of humor hotter than a summer grill! Here’s what the community dished out:

ThinkCow83 - Info :. What was the gift you think was 'intentionally' so bad?. What is the dress code?

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Harmlessoldlady - NTA. Wait. Your husband doesn't want to go without you, because he doesn't like anyone else who will be there? No. You and he should ditch this whole thing. There's no reason to put anyone through this kind of torture, but especially when your health and comfort need to be catered to. If your husband doesn't like anyone in his own family, and they are mean to you, there's no reason to be around them.

ImpossibleHand5086 - Info: Truthfully does he ever say he doesn't want to go to your family functions and you persuade him to?

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Rough_Elk_3952 - Tbh I think there’s two options here: Suck it up, pay for the rest (or rent one if RentTheRunway has a maternity section), go as a couple and get it over with as fast as possible and leave early stating you feel fatigued from the pregnancy.

Don’t go, using the excuse that you don’t feel well and he needs to be near you to help you out but offer yo take her out somewhere more casual at a different date to make up for it. Either way — show a United front so it’s not you getting out of an unpleasant event and sacrificing your husband *or* your husband not prioritizing you.. Either way make sure both of you are validated and on the same page.

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AlvinOwlHirt - Having given this some thought…if your husband is willing to pay for a k**ler maternity dress suitable for the dress code, I would consider walking in looking like a billion bucks, having an amazing time, and generally being your best self.

Pregnant ladies are typically much more interesting than bitter old bats. Guaranteed, she is hoping you won’t show so she can complain about it—and be the center of attention. Your smiling presence would deny her that.

[Reddit User] - NTA and perfect excuse - you aren't feeling well and he's staying home to care for you.

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Proud_Spell_1711 - Suggest to your husband that he develop a fever on the day of and bow out “for the sake of everyone’s health.” Then you and he can eat take out pizza in your sweats and watch movies together.. ETA: NTA

koithrowin - NTA. Idk why everyone is making suggestions to find something to wear. You didn’t ask for fashion advice. You and I both know if you wanted to go you’d be able to buy something real quick. But you don’t. For fucks sake your 7.5 months pregnant. You have a right to say to someone who isn’t even all that open,kind, and nice to you (or even it sounds like your husband) that you’re not feeling well to do so.

Honestly MIL needs to be told a thing. Don’t expect respect where you don’t give it. I don’t care about her age or whatever else you said in the comments, she still comes at you sideways, why would they even want y’all to be together at unnecessary times. Enjoy your pregnancy and tell people to f**k off.

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NorthernLitUp - NTA. He doesn't even like his own family, but he wants you to put up with their nonsense. Send a card to MIL (make sure it's something really tacky) amd call it a day.

[Reddit User] - I mean…I would be super bummed if I couldn’t rely on my husband to be my person at annoying family events. I go to his, he goes to mine, we keep each other sane and laugh about it afterwards. People are correctly telling you you don’t *have* to…

but then you don’t get to expect him to inconvenience himself for your next annoying event either. YTA (edited from N A H because additional info in comments has made OP seem like a bigger a**hole).

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These Reddit hot takes are juicy, but do they nail the whole story?

This tale of pregnancy, posh dress codes, and frosty in-laws leaves us wondering: when’s it okay to put your comfort first? The mom-to-be’s choice to skip MIL’s fancy dinner feels like a bold move to many, but her husband’s plea for backup tugs at the heartstrings. Family dynamics are trickier than a tight dress, and this story proves it. What would you do—dazzle at the dinner or chill in sweats? Share your take below and keep the convo flowing!

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