AITA for using the name I picked out over thirteen years ago when their cousin has a similar name?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

A family gathering’s warm chatter turned frosty when a pregnant woman shared her son’s name: Mark, a choice she and her husband cherished for 13 years. Her sister, who named her son Marcus nicknamed Mark five years ago despite knowing their plans, now fumes at the overlap, rallying family to pressure a name change.

Naming a child is deeply personal, but when cousins share similar names, feathers get ruffled. This Reddit story unravels the clash of sentiment, sibling rivalry, and family expectations, spotlighting whether a long-held name choice should bend to avoid cousin confusion.

‘AITA for using the name I picked out over thirteen years ago when their cousin has a similar name?’

So about 13 years ago my now husband and I met and started dating, around that time we both realised we loved the name Mark for a boy. This became something we were both attached to as we both always wanted a son and we would refer to our future son occasionally.

My sister ( and family) was aware of this as we were very close and shared everything, she even said she herself liked a different name. 5 years later she got pregnant, as soon as she found out she was having a boy she announced he would be Marcus and started to call him Mark.

My husband and I were annoyed and reminded her of our naming intentions and told her that we would not be changing our minds if we were to have a son. She agreed to at least avoid calling him Mark (which was a lie, ironically she started calling him that a little before I started trying for a baby).

I am now pregnant with a boy and I love my little nephew but my name choice has not changed. She is absolutely livid and despite the family having known about the name drama some of them are pressuring us to change our minds. We did try to think of alternates but no other names feel right. If it makes a difference we do see each other every fortnight so it's not a matter of 'cousins who will never meet'.

Naming a child weaves dreams into identity, but this family’s name clash stirs more tension than a holiday dinner. The woman’s commitment to Mark, chosen 13 years ago, faces her sister’s ire over her son Marcus, nicknamed Mark. Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes in a Psychology Today article, “Family conflicts over names often stem from unspoken expectations” . The sister’s choice, despite knowing the couple’s plans, set this stage.

The sister’s frustration may reflect feeling her son’s identity is diluted, yet no one owns a name. A 2023 BabyCenter survey shows 15% of families have cousins with similar names, often resolved with nicknames . The woman’s resolve is reasonable Mark’s sentimental value outweighs the minor overlap, especially with regular cousin meetups.

This dispute mirrors broader family dynamics where personal choices spark collective pressure. Dr. Heitler suggests open dialogue to air grievances without blame. The sister’s early knowledge of the name choice undercuts her current anger, but her feelings deserve acknowledgment to ease tension.

The woman could propose distinguishing nicknames, like Marcus and Mark, while gently affirming her choice. Offering empathy for her sister’s upset, paired with clear boundaries, could mend ties.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s users rallied behind the woman, insisting no one owns a name and cousins sharing monikers is common. They scoffed at the sister’s surprise, noting her prior knowledge of the couple’s plans made her reaction unreasonable.

With humor, commenters cited families with multiple Johns or Nicks, suggesting nicknames or middle names to avoid confusion. Their takes emphasized personal freedom in naming and the sister’s overreach in rallying family pressure.

ADVERTISEMENT

Kayman718 − NTA Name your child any name you wish. Even if they were close it wouldn’t be uncommon for two cousins to have the same name. In my family my cousin has the same first name as my brother. In my wife’s family there are several cousins with the same first name. In that case it is a grandfather’s first name. In my brother’s just a coincidence. No one ever made an issue about it.

[Reddit User] − NTA. No one owns a name. And in a lot of families, it's common to have multiple people with the same name. Our family is full of Johns, there's one I know with Carls and Carlys, another full of Barbaras. It happens. Hey, the upside is that when they're visiting and you yell for the boys to come in to at, you only have to yell one name instead of two!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA - so she's surprised that you're doing something you've said you would do for 13 years? Shocked pikachu face

b1lllevansatmariposa − NTA. Sister can't trademark 'Mark'. Go for it. The Marks will figure out for themselves how to handle this.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − OP - I feel compelled to quote one of the greatest examples of romcomfam cinema to convey my point that you are NTA and should proceed as planned (albeit for dif reasons but still stands): “Welcome to my home. Over here is my brother, Ted, and his wife, Melissa, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick.

Over here, my brother Tommy, his wife Angie, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. And here, my brother George, his wife Freda, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. Taki, Sophie, Kari, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, uh, Nikki, and I am Gus.”. 🥹 gets me everytime.

sunrise_library − NTA My husband has multiple first cousins with the same first names. It's not a big deal if you don't make it a big deal.. Don't stress about this. Just relax and enjoy this journey.

ADVERTISEMENT

JannaNYC − I have three cousins named John. Who cares?

[Reddit User] − NTA. If she knew you were planning on calling your own child 'Mark' someday, then she only has herself to blame if you now call your child 'Mark' and she doesn't like it! It's none of anyone else's business

so when she enlists other family members to pressure you, feel free to tell them that you have the naming process for your own child firmly under control and don't need input.. There are no mysteries or surprises here. Your sister made choices.

ADVERTISEMENT

originalgenghismom − NAH but be prepared for Big Mark and Little Mark. My 50 year old, 6’5” brother is still called Little Greg by other relatives.

EmployeeMom − I have three first cousins named Nicole on my mothers side. (Mind you she is #5 of 13 children, so I have a total of 34 first cousins on just my mom's side). All while growing up, if all three were together at a family gathering, we just called them each by a different version. Nick, Nicky and Nichole. It wasn't a big deal at all.

NTA. But be prepared to use middle names when the children are around each other. Or just refer to her son as Marcus (since that is his legal name) and your son as Mark) when the boys are at the same place.. Edit to add: We are all in our 30's/40's now and none of the Nichol's were scarred for life.

ADVERTISEMENT

This name tug-of-war shows how a cherished choice can spark family friction. The woman’s loyalty to Mark, a 13-year dream, stands firm against her sister’s objections, raising questions about naming rights and sibling expectations. Faced a family naming clash? Share your stories or tips below—how do you navigate these personal yet shared decisions?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *