AITA for telling my mother I don’t want her at my wedding?

A dreamy seaside castle wedding was set to crown a young couple’s love, but the bride’s mother, gripped by severe OCD, threw a wrench into the plans. Her insistence on extreme hygiene rituals—like demanding all 70 guests wash hands and feet three times—clashed with the couple’s vision, sparking a heartbreaking rift.

When the bride, pushed to her limit, suggested her mom skip the wedding to avoid disrupting it, a painful Facebook post branded her “no daughter.” This tale of love, mental illness, and boundaries tugs at readers’ hearts.

‘AITA for telling my mother I don’t want her at my wedding?’

I, 21F, am getting married to my fiancé next week, my fiancé (23M), let’s call him Wesley. My mother since I was a child has had severe OCD, which came along being a huge germophobe, such as making me wash my hands and feet 3 times (with a dove soap bar, nothing else or they’re not clean) anytime I got into the house.

Like, water, soap, lather and rinse, 3 times in a row in front of her. Even if I just stepped outside for a second you had to wash. Understandably, it is a bit of a pain but I love her and she cant help her condition. Another thing at 11pm every night she has to walk around the house and flick each light switch 10 times. And then disinfect each and every switch because she touched them.

She has been very accepting of Wesley, and treated him like he was her own son. Cooked for him, let him stay, and generally just lovely. When I told him about the washing hands and feet thing, he was also very understanding and applied the method. Last year, I told my mother about the wedding, and she was very happy in the beginning. Until after we started making preparations she started telling me what to do.

For instance, for the venue me and Wesley planned to go to this beautiful place that had ruins of a castle next to the sea during the summer. We only had an hour slot for the ceremony, to which after we would be moving to a hotel to have a meal and dance. My mother advised me to change the venue because she didn’t like the fact we chose somewhere outside for the ceremony because “no one would be clean”.

I argued it was what we wanted, and that it is our wedding, not hers. She then went silent about it for the following time after that, never mentioned it. When choosing my wedding dress, I invited her along, and she argued with me that other people will have been in them so they’re not clean. And then forced me to not even wear the wedding dresses, just to have the assistant hold them up in front of me.

My wedding is now next week, and yesterday my mother called me and asked for me to change the venue as there will be no sinks so people could wash their hands and feet. To which I replied, I am not having over 70 guests individually wash their hands and feet 3 times. Especially with the slot we have, it would take a huge chunk of everything.

She started yelling at me that everything will go wrong, and that she’s disappointed in me because “I should know the rules”. I refused to change my venue, as it would be difficult to find another in such short time and me and Wesley have wanted this place for a while.

She told me she will sort something out, and a few hours ago, she sent me a screenshot from eBay of someone selling 5 tanks of water from them little water dispenser things you would usually find in an office. And a box full of dove soap from her cupboard.

I rang her up and to inform her I think it’s best if she didn’t attend, as the wishes she wants are impacting MY wedding. She ended the call without saying anything, and then posted on facebook I was “no daughter of hers” and that “I didn’t love her”.. …AITA?

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Weddings should celebrate love, but mental illness can cast a shadow. The bride’s mother’s OCD-driven demands, like water tanks for guest hygiene, overstep boundaries, turning a joyful day into a battleground. The bride’s decision to exclude her mom, though harsh, protects her vision and guests’ comfort.

OCD affects 2.3% of adults, often straining relationships when untreated, per a 2023 National Institute of Mental Health report (source). The mother’s rituals, like triple-washing, reflect severe symptoms, but imposing them on others crosses a line.

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Dr. Steven Tsao, an OCD specialist, notes, “Enabling compulsive behaviors can worsen symptoms; setting boundaries is key to encouraging treatment” (source). The bride’s stance, while painful, may push her mom toward help. She could offer support, like researching therapists, but shouldn’t yield to unreasonable demands.

A compromise, like a private post-wedding visit with controlled rituals, could mend ties. The bride should stand firm on her venue while gently urging therapy.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s reactions are as fiery as a wedding toast—here’s what the community poured out:

Sasha2021_ - NTA your mom has an extreme case of OCD and should consider getting some help .

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Jo0306 - NTA at all. You cannot ask guests to buy into this. A friend of mine has a daughter with quite extreme OCD. She always told me that when they do things like exposure therapy you are told not to enable the behaviour.

I know you love your mum, but you need to stop doing the hand and feet washing. You aren't helping (as much as you may want to). Does your mum have any professional help to manage this? If not, please look at getting her some help.

Obrina98 - NTA. There are some very effective meds for that. Your mom needs a doctor.

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Beck2010 - Okay. You already know that washing your hands and feet three times when entering a house is not normal. Her mental illness has curtailed your life for many years, bleeding into your wedding planning. I sure hope you went wedding dress shopping alone and actually tried on dresses without her.

Your mother needs therapy. Her “solution” of buying water tanks to force wedding guests to wash their hands and feet are beyond the pale.. NTA. I hope if you have children one day you don’t allow this to continue.

Pluckt007 - NTA. It's not that you don't want her there, you clearly do. It's that she's not healthy enough to attend.

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Why_r_people_ - NTA she can’t except 70 guests to cater to her mental illness. She needs intense therapy, possibly medication, if she is to attend

yellowbrownstone - Her rules are not THE rules. This is definitely the hill to die on when it comes to her imposing her mental illness upon you, your husband and dozens of guests.

NickelPickle2018 - NTA but your mother needs professional help. Stop allowing her to enforce her rules upon you. You cannot have a healthy relationship with her until she is willing to get help.

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biglipsmagoo - NTA. She is, unfortunately, too ill to attend your wedding. Also, FYI, I would refuse to do it if I was presented with this at a wedding. If it was for cultural or religious reasons, I wouldn’t, but I would for this bc I couldn’t prepare. I am SO weird about my feet being wet. I would have a conniption about having wet or damp feet in my shoes. Once they’re dry I’m fine but when they’re wet it’s ALL I can feel or think of. ADHD thing.

nickis84 - Your mom needs help, but she is never going to try for it until she starts missing out on more things like your wedding. The time for playing nice has long passed.

From calls for therapy to empathy for the bride’s tough call, these takes stir the pot. Do they miss the deeper pain of family conflict?

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This story lays bare the heart-wrenching clash of a daughter’s wedding dreams and a mother’s crippling OCD. The bride’s choice to exclude her mom protects her day but risks their bond, highlighting the toll of untreated mental illness. Can love and boundaries coexist in such pain? What would you do if a loved one’s condition threatened your special moment? Share your thoughts below—let’s unravel this tangle of heart and duty!

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