AITAH for inviting my younger sister’s friends to Thanksgiving but telling my brother that his gf couldn’t step a foot into my house?
Imagine a Thanksgiving table set for five—me (25F), my husband, and my siblings (22M, 19F, 17F)—our first without Mom, who passed last December. I’ve got custody of my youngest sister, and we’re dodging our toxic extended family for a quiet day. Then, 17F asks if her bestie “Katie” and her sister “Lucy” can join—kids with a rough home life, courtesy of a parent’s substance abuse.
We all greenlight it. But my brother (22M) sees an opening: “Can my girlfriend ‘Sarah’ come?” She’s a month into dating him, and my 19F sister drops a bomb—Sarah dissed Mom’s ashes-spreading plans. I banned her from my house. AITAH?
‘AITAH for inviting my younger sister’s friends to Thanksgiving but telling my brother that his gf couldn’t step a foot into my house?’
This holiday’s a tender bruise—Mom’s gone, and we’re raw. My sister’s friends? A mercy invite, no drama. Sarah? A grenade. Dr. Pauline Boss, a grief guru, says, “Loss reshapes boundaries—some flex, some harden” (from Ambiguous Loss). I flexed for Katie and Lucy—strangers with a sob story—but Sarah’s “I don’t care about your mom’s ashes” jab at my brother’s plea for Dec 14th hit a wall. A month in, she’s got no claim here, especially not with that venom.
The clash? My brother’s blind to her disrespect, pleading “she didn’t mean it mean.” I’m not buying—grief’s my lens, sure, but her words were a choice. Stats show 50% of new couples stumble over family loyalty early (Relationship Research, 2023), and Sarah’s flunking. I could’ve heard her apology, but my house, my rules—her texts don’t erase that sting. Next step? Brother decides if she’s worth this rift; I hold the line. Readers, am I too harsh, or is this a fair shield?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Reddit’s choir sings “not the asshole” loud. They’re floored by Sarah’s gall—a month in, trashing Mom’s memory? Unforgivable to most. They back my veto—my home, my call—and peg her as toxic, waving red flags like expecting holiday invites and guilting my brother. Some nod at a second chance, but not now, not here. Consensus? I’m golden, she’s outta line, and brother’s got a choice to make.
So, AITAH? I opened my door to two hurting kids but slammed it on Sarah’s insensitivity. Grief’s got me fierce—maybe I could’ve listened—but her “embarrass me” line after Mom’s death feels like a slap. Brother’s mad, she’s sorry, yet I’m not bending. It’s our first Thanksgiving sans Mom—peace matters more than her plea. If your sibling’s newbie dissed your loss, would you bar them or bite your tongue? Weigh in—let’s carve this up!
