AITA (f39) for cursing out another mum for what she (f40) said about my daughter (f5)?

A chaotic school pickup turned into a protective mother’s battle when her 5-year-old autistic daughter, Abby, hid under her coat, overwhelmed by noise. As the mom soothed her trembling child, another mother’s intrusive actions and cruel words ignited a fiery clash.

Kelly’s uninvited grab of Abby’s arm and her vile “freak” comment, paired with an anti-vaccine jab, pushed the mom to unleash a verbal storm. Now, wrestling with guilt over her harsh words, she questions her reaction in this raw tale of maternal instinct and confrontation.

‘AITA (f39) for cursing out another mum for what she (f40) said about my daughter (f5)?’

My youngest daughter, who we'll call Abby is autistic. She's very intelligent and extremely warm and loving towards people she trusts, but she has a few habits which are unusual to those that don't know her. The main ones are sucking her thumb in public, and hiding inside my coat while I'm wearing it and when she's feeling anxious.

She's gradually getting better at being around people without doing stuff like that, but sometimes she'll do it. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was picking her up from school, and the noise of everyone coming out triggered her anxiety. Thumb goes in mouth, head goes under my jacket.

From the way I can feel her shaking under my coat I can tell that she's struggling a bit with what's going on, so I start rubbing her back and pulling her close, which tends to help her calm down. While I'm doing so, however, another mother, who I'll call Kelly, comes up to me. The following dialogue takes place:.

Kelly: Is everything ok?. Me: Yes, it's fine. She just doesn't like noise.. Kelly: You should teach her to meditate. I run a yoga class, but it's mostly for adults.. Me: (Unsure what else to say) Oh. Kelly: (Grabbing Abby's arm, which is hanging out of my coat, and pulling her towards her) Would you like that, Abby? Bit of a new experience for you. (To me) You don't seem like a yoga person, no offence..

Abby: (nonverbal sounds of panic, pulls fear of Karen, hides back under my coat). Kelly: What!. Me: Sorry. She doesn't like being touched. Kelly: Well, I'm even more glad I didn't vaccinate my kids now. (Grabs Abby's arm again) Calm down, you little freak. Anyway, at that point I blew up. I didn't shout because that would have upset Abby, but I did call her an 'ignorant b\*\*\*h' and accused her of hating her children.

She started crying and stormed off. Afewhours later she added me on Facebook and demanded an apology from both me and Abby. She implied that I was drunk, unfit to look after my kids, and that I'd 'pumped them full of toxins.' I fired back with some language I'm not too proud of ('posh crazy slag'), and blocked her.

I'm now on the fence about whether I should apologise. I'm absolutely not letting Abby apologise to someone who grabbed her without asking, but maybe I should have apologised for my own behaviour. I don't feel bad for swearing but accusing another mum (even an antivax one) of hating her children was a bit much.. AITA? My husband thinks I should have been even ruder, but I'm not sure.

Protecting an autistic child in a judgmental world is no small feat. The mother’s fierce reaction to Kelly’s ableist slur and physical grab of Abby reflects a primal urge to shield her daughter. Kelly’s anti-vaccine remark, linking autism to vaccines, adds insult to injury, rooted in debunked myths.

Ableism thrives in ignorance. A 2023 CDC report notes 1 in 36 children has autism, yet stigma persists, often fueled by misinformation like Kelly’s (source). Grabbing a child without consent escalates harm, especially for autistic kids sensitive to touch.

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Dr. Amy McCart, autism advocate, says, “Respecting a child’s boundaries is non-negotiable; violating them breeds trauma” (source). Kelly’s actions ignored Abby’s needs, justifying the mom’s anger. Her language, though harsh, stemmed from pain, not malice.

To move forward, the mom could report Kelly’s behavior to the school, ensuring Abby’s safety. Ignoring Kelly’s apology demand is wise, but reflecting on calmer responses for future clashes could help.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s reactions are as heated as the schoolyard showdown—here’s what the community dished out:

alianablueshadows - NTA an adult woman grabbed your child, insulted her, and had the gall to demand YOU apologize to her? no. you do not lay hands on another person's child, and to insult a child, ESPECIALLY in their presence is absolutely disgusting, not the least because of something she can't help. GOOD JOB MUM for sticking up for your kiddo!

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Kitsumekat - NTA.. She, not only assaulted your daughter twice. But, called her a freak and then demands an apology. If I was you, I would have when nuclear on her and post a public 'apology' on how you were sorry that choose to grab a five year old twice and called her a freak when she's a sweet, innocent girl.

Ilikecosysocks - I kinda feel like we are missing something in this story, it doesn't sound like a natural progression to go from a normal conversation straight toKelly: Well, I'm even more glad I didn't vaccinate my kids now. (Grabs Abby's arm again) Calm down, you little freak.

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insideiggy - Getting real sick of these obvious not the a**hole posts pouring in lately. My fiancee took a s**t in my cereal AiTa?

Pinkisnotmyfavcolour - NTA. You called her a name that she deserves as it is true. Any suggestion that vaccines cause autism is an insult and is disgusting. I’m with your husband on this one, she deserves worse. However, antivaxxers live for this stuff.

They can’t see their own ignorance and think they have been enlightened. When you argue and get mean, they double down and feel more secure in their false facts. You may not be TA, but you are going to experience this again and you need to be prepared.

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handsume - YTA There is no way this is real. First of all why'd you EVER let her touch your daughter? You let her tug her towards her twice? If this is real then you're not paying enough attention. I smack people's hands away if I can see my dog is in distress but you let some woman grab your frightened daughter? YTA do better for your kid. Blowing up is a too little too late

18-furbies-and-a-cat - NTA. she called your kid a freak, what the f**k.

oppositegeneva - This seems really fake lol.

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JosephHitlerUn - Do you people seriously believe this post is real?

Awkward-Painter - NTA. I’m with your husband, you should have gone much further with the insults!

From cheers for mama bear to doubts about the story’s flow, these takes stir the pot. Do they miss the deeper sting of ableism?

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This story lays bare the fierce love of a mother defending her autistic daughter against cruelty and ignorance. Kelly’s actions crossed every line, but the mom’s sharp words spark a question—was her fury justified or excessive? Protecting a child’s dignity shouldn’t mean stooping low, yet the heat of the moment blurs lines. What would you do if someone targeted your child’s vulnerabilities? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this fiery clash together!

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