AITA for telling my daughter to speak French or leave my house?

In a cozy home steeped in French heritage, a single dad’s pride takes a sharp turn. His household hums with French chatter, a nod to his grandparents’ wartime escape. But when his oldest daughter brings her boyfriend home, her switch to English to include him sparks a fiery ultimatum: speak French or get out.

This Reddit tale dives into a clash of culture and compassion. The father’s rigid rule, set against a backdrop of a global crisis, alienates his daughter and her guest. Readers are pulled into a thorny question: does heritage trump hospitality in a family home?

‘AITA for telling my daughter to speak French or leave my house?’

My grandparents escaped France at the start of WWII. They lived in hiding during the war and after the war they started life over in America. So my French ancestry is very important to me. I speak French and my four children speak French. I am a single dad.

Two of my children are still teens and living with me and my oldest two daughters are staying with me right now until the whole situation ends. My oldest daughter brought her boyfriend with her. My children and I all speak French to each other inside the house. Ever since she brought her boyfriend home, my oldest daughter will not speak French.

I will ask her a question in French and she will answer in English. I asked her why and she says she doesn’t want to alienate her boyfriend because everyone would be speaking French except him. I told her that she can speak French or leave. Now my daughter won’t talk to me in any language and my other children think I was too harsh. AITA?

This family’s language standoff reveals a tug-of-war between cultural pride and empathy. The father’s French-only rule honors his roots but isolates his daughter’s boyfriend, while her English switch prioritizes inclusion. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Empathy in families means valuing others’ perspectives, even when they differ.” The father’s ultimatum, especially during a pandemic, risks straining his bond with his daughter.

The insistence on French reflects a broader issue: balancing heritage with modern relationships. Studies show 60% of multicultural families navigate language tensions, often requiring compromise. The daughter’s effort to include her boyfriend is a natural response to his discomfort, yet the father’s rigid stance suggests fear of losing cultural identity.

Gottman’s principle of “turning toward” could help. The father might try speaking English temporarily or teaching the boyfriend basic French to bridge the gap. Open dialogue could ease tensions.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users didn’t mince words, dishing out fiery takes with a side of shade. Here’s a snapshot of their bold reactions:

[Reddit User] − YTA. In what possible universe are you not the a**hole here?

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Snarfish − YTA. Imagine how it feels to be the boyfriend. Would you want to go somewhere where you couldn't understand a single word being said?

mab6644 − YTA. What a terrible ultimatum. You are being unreasonable. Also there is a great irony about you writing this in English. I hope you see that

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IridianRaingem − YTA. If you want to live in a place where people only speak French, go to France. Or as I understand, some parts of Canada. But I’m betting people speak English there, too. All you’re going to do is ensure your daughter won’t want to communicate with you.

Then when you haven’t heard from her in five years you’ll wonder why she never told you she got an awesome job, got married, had a child... Put your wonky heritage on the back burner. Your daughter is a person. She is more important than what language is spoken. If you’re really willing to throw her out over this you need to re-evaluate your priorities in life.

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BumbleBri7 − YTA. She is speaking in English so he's boyfriend won't have to sit there in awkward silence since he can't contribute to the conversation. Is it that difficult to speak English while her boyfriend is visiting for like an hour?

MaggieMae68 − YTA. If your daughter's boyfriend is an invited guest in your home and you are insisting that everyone in the house speak a language he doesn't understand and can't speak, then you're the a**hole.. Plus you told her to leave IN THE MIDDLE OF A F**KING PANDEMIC.. Massively YTA.

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And as an aside, this is the exact way to make sure that at least your one daughter decides to never speak French again, especially around you. It's one thing to be proud of your family heritage an want to make sure it continues. It's another thing to be a jerk about it.

Glass-Mastodon − Oui, t'es con. Tu lui as demandé de sortir pendant une pandémie -- à moins que tu sois imbécile, tu sais absolument que ce virus tue. Elle peut sortir avec n'importe qui, même un Anglophone ou un Allophone.

Vas-tu lui demander de ne plus rendre visite à ta fille car il ne connaît aucun mot de français ? C'est ridicule, surtout quand il y a beaucoup de familles mixtes qui parlent plusieurs langues dont une est la mienne.. Merde, alors....

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Toxic_Flareon − This is a joke right? Give me one good reason why you need to force her to speak French. Until then YTA. It one thing if all the members of the house are okay with speaking a certain language inside the house, but if one person doesn't then you're an ass for trying to force them.

alwaysmyfault − YTA.. Here's the ironic thing. You have no issue typing out this entire post in fluent English, yet your daughter wants to speak in English and you threatened to throw her out on the streets?. You're a real a**hole, you know that?

rocksontheside − YTA. You are so obviously the a**hole it hurts. Think of how your daughter's bf must feel. This is a scary, uncertain, alienating time for everyone right now and you're making it so much worse for him. He's stuck inside, away from his family, and can't talk to anyone in your household besides your daughter.

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Imagine how alone he must feel. You've done an amazing thing to preserve your French culture by making sure all your kids are fluent in French. All this little stunt is doing is perpetuating the stereotype that French people are pricks.

These comments bring the heat, but do they untangle the knot of heritage versus hospitality?

This story exposes the messy clash of cultural pride and family ties. The father’s French-only rule, meant to honor his roots, risks pushing his daughter away. How would you handle a guest who doesn’t share your family’s traditions? Share your thoughts or experiences below—where’s the line between preserving heritage and welcoming others?

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