AITA for grounding my 18 year old daughter?

The screech of tires in the driveway jolted a mother awake, her heart sinking as her 18-year-old daughter stumbled through the door, reeking of alcohol. The night had started innocently—a small gathering at a friend’s—but ended with a dangerous drive home, slurred words, and ignored texts. Furious, the mother grounded her daughter for two weeks, seizing her car keys and PS4, determined to hammer home the gravity of drunk driving.

Her husband, however, balked, calling the punishment excessive for an adult, especially taking her self-bought console. This isn’t just a family spat—it’s a clash of parental instinct, adult freedom, and life-or-death choices. Was the mother’s tough stance a necessary wake-up call or an overreach for her newly adult daughter? Let’s dive into this raw story of love, fear, and the blurry line between discipline and independence.

‘AITA for grounding my 18 year old daughter?’

Daughter graduated high school this year. She decided to take a gap year because she didn't want to start college in the current environment. Our daughter likes to drink wine and cocktails a lot. This is actually legal in our state under our supervision however she doesn't seem to know when she's gone too far. I've had to cut her off before.

Last night she went out to a friend's house, I said fine as it was still a small gathering. She came home kind of late. I was texting her asking if she was still there and got no reply. Eventually she pulled into the driveway around midnight and kind of stumbled into the house.

I asked her what happened and she replied with a slur that they just had fun and ran a little late. It was obvious that she was drinking heavily. I was pretty furious. Now to clarify it wasn't that she was out so late since I get you can't really set a curfew for an 18-year old or even that she was illegally underage drinking...it's that she DROVE home afterwards.

She was obviously well above even the legal 21+ BAC and was very lucky she didn't encounter any police cars. I told her she's grounded for at least two weeks and confiscated her car keys and her PS4. Also told her no alcohol for this time even legally at home. My husband told me he thinks it's not OK to ground an 18-year old despite her behavior.

He said it's my choice to not provide her alcohol but a bit over the top to not allow her out of the house and take her PS4 since she bought it herself. 'Her' car is actually legally ours. I told him that regardless of age her offense was way too big and dangerous and I can still take such things if she's living in our house.. Am I an a**hole?

Parenting an 18-year-old is like steering a ship through a storm, and this mother’s response to her daughter’s drunk driving reflects a desperate bid to protect her. Grounding her and taking the car keys address a life-threatening act, but confiscating her self-purchased PS4 muddies the message. Let’s unpack it.

Drunk driving is no small offense: in 2023, over 10,000 U.S. deaths were tied to alcohol-impaired driving, per the CDC. The daughter’s actions risked lives, justifying severe consequences. Taking the car, legally owned by the parents, is a direct response to her misuse. However, Dr. Lisa Damour, a teen psychologist, notes, “Punishments should align with the offense to teach, not alienate.” Seizing the PS4, unrelated to driving, may fuel resentment rather than reflection, especially since it’s her property.

The husband’s objection—that grounding an adult is excessive—has merit, as 18 marks legal independence. Yet, living rent-free under parental care implies house rules apply. The mother’s fear-driven response is valid, but her daughter’s drinking patterns suggest deeper issues. Damour advises, “Address underlying behaviors like excessive drinking through open dialogue or counseling.”

ADVERTISEMENT

A better approach might include mandatory DUI education or community service to drive home the consequences, paired with a clear path to regain trust. This highlights the challenge of parenting young adults: balancing authority with autonomy.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit weighed in with fiery takes, blending support and critique for this mother’s tough call. Here’s what the community had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

throwaway1975764 − NTA. She *DROVE DRUNK*. This is unacceptable. Forget lucky she didn't encounter police, she's lucky she didn't kill anyone. Drunk drivers kill. Oh and so long as she is living in your home, using your car,

and having her life subsidized by you, you absolutely CAN ground her *and* when not grounded you can set a curfew. It wouldn't matter if she was 48, let alone 18. Your house, your rules. Curfews are pretty typical house rules.

ADVERTISEMENT

Katjiethecat − NTA, however can I recommend a different approach? If she thinks its ok to drink and drive then maybe she should be taken to meet people who have had to live with the consequences of others making that decision.  Show her what happens when you take away another person's life or what life is like living with those decisions after you've killed someone or injured yourself.

If you use this as a teaching moment and explain why it was a bad choice then she will listen and understand but if you take away her things and don't show her why you are so upset she won't get it, she'll just be angry and resent you and think she's right and justified.

ADVERTISEMENT

She might be 18 but she is still growing and learning and she needs her parents to treat her with love and compassion and to show her why she shouldn't drink drive. You sound like a really lovely person who is trying to look out for their kid, I think you're right to take away her keys until she earns them back with good behavior.

[Reddit User] − NTa. While maybe you can’t ground an adult, you can certainly take away access to the car you own when that adult is stupid enough to drive drunk.

glimmernglitz − ESH. You and your husband are responsible for ensuring she is an upstanding citizen. If she lives within your home, and doesn't pay rent, she needs to follow your rules. Taking the car away when it is legally yours, and is part of the issue at hand is certainly a reasonable consequence for her actions.

ADVERTISEMENT

I'd say two weeks is pretty light. However taking away something that she purchased for herself is unreasonable. Your husband thinking her behaviour is out of his hands, simply because of her age is sticking his head in the sand. Bad behavior needs to be called out, regardless of age.

I'm 38, and if I did this and either of my parents found out, they might not be able to punish me, but I would certainly get a tongue lashing. Your daughter needs to be educated on the horrors of the consequences of driving under the influence. She literally could have killed someone.

lilymoscovitz − NTA. She’s a legal adult yes but that was an incredibly stupid, dangerous thing to do. She’s lucky to have made it home ok. She could have killed herself or someone else. This shouldn’t require an explanation.. Take the car, she’s proven herself irresponsible and reckless. The PS4 doesn’t make sense to take away, first bc it’s not related to drunk driving and second bc she paid for it.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − ESH. She’s “lucky she didn’t encounter any police cars?”. OP, she’s lucky she didn’t kill anyone while drunk driving.

Terrorizza − ESH. News flash. Your daughter is an adult. You can’t legally restrict her movement. You can’t legally take her property. You are now the parent of an adult with a drinking problem, not a misbehaving child. The measures you are taking are inappropriate and will be ineffective. You need to actually address the drinking and it’s causes if you want to help her.

QuidNunc23 − NTA Unfortunately she’s exhibiting a**oholic tendencies. She shouldn’t be drinking and driving. My stepdaughter had to do a week in jail, and lost her license for a year. Plus her insurance rates went up astronomically. Your reaction was correct.

ADVERTISEMENT

liznlavidaloca − You may want to avoid taking away the stuff she's paid for since she's legally an adult and legally that's her property but you're NTA. If she's living under your roof, she gets to abide by your rules. Honestly, she's lucky she's not facing any REAL consequences for driving drunk.

yourlittlebirdie − NTA. She DROVE DRUNK and could have killed someone. If the car belongs to you, you are well within your rights to take the keys away and this is a completely justified reason to do so.. If she wants to be treated like a responsible adult, she needs to act like one.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, but do their views capture the full story? Drop your perspective to fuel the debate.

ADVERTISEMENT

This mother’s swift punishment aimed to shield her daughter from disaster, but it risks widening a rift with her newly adult child. Drunk driving demands consequences, yet grounding and confiscation spark questions about fairness for an 18-year-old. Where’s the line between parental duty and respecting adulthood? Have you faced similar battles with young adults in your home? Share your thoughts below and let’s untangle this messy knot of love and limits.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *