AITA for giving my sister-in-law a postpartum fitness book as a baby shower present?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A baby shower should be a joyous milestone, but one wrong gift can turn it into a family feud. A 24-year-old Reddit user thought he nailed the perfect present for his pregnant sister-in-law, a fitness enthusiast, with a book on postnatal fitness and a playful Chanel-themed teddy bear. But the glow of celebration dimmed when she took the gifts as insults, hinting at weight loss and mocking her love for designer fashion, especially since their relationship was already on shaky ground.

The fallout was swift—his brother called, furious, accusing him of deliberate slights. With family tensions already simmering, the user wonders if his well-meaning gifts were misjudged or if his sister-in-law overreacted. This tale of good intentions gone awry pulls readers into the delicate art of gift-giving and navigating prickly family dynamics.

‘AITA for giving my sister-in-law a postpartum fitness book as a baby shower present?’

I’m 24M. My older brother got married last year and his wife [37F] is pregnant with their first child. This is her first time being pregnant ever. To start off, my SIL has a somewhat strained relationship with me and my other siblings. We think she takes herself too seriously.

But my brother is fiercely protective of her and that’s caused some tension within the family. I’m not the most enthused about her, mainly because of her rudeness to my girlfriend [20F]. I’m not exactly sure WHAT my girlfriend has done to her, but she doesn’t like her.

She is 7.5 months pregnant and had a baby shower on Saturday with her friends. Nobody from my family was invited, not even my sister. But still, we all gave her presents. I remembered that she’s into fitness and being healthy so I got her a copy of “The Complete Guide to Postnatal Fitness”.

(Edit) This is a summary of the book: “The third edition of this Complete Guide. A guide for new mums, fitness leaders and physios on how to regain fitness following the birth of a baby, including lots of exercises, advice, and all relevant anatomy and physiology.

Clearly explained, fully updated and packed with exercises. Includes new guidance and up to date references, and all illustrations replaced with new photographs.” It seemed like a present she would enjoy and the bookstore lady recommended it. I wrapped it and gave it to her at a family lunch yesterday after her shower.

I also gave her a present my girlfriend had picked out. It was a little teddy bear wearing a shirt that said “Chanel”. It’s kind of tongue in cheek because my SIL loves wearing Chanel. She didn’t open the presents at lunch but she did later on at home. Last night, I got a call from my brother.

He said, “What were you guys playing at by sending those presents?” Apparently my SIL was super offended that I got her a fitness book, because it contained weight loss tips. She’s also mad at my girlfriend because she thinks she’s mocking her for wearing a lot of Chanel.

I’ll admit, the Chanel thing is sort of an inside joke amongst the family and my girlfriend was being a bit sly with the teddy bear. But the fitness book seems harmless enough. I can see her being annoyed by the implication to lose weight but it’s not really an offensive thing for me to gift, is it?

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AITA? I think my SIL is overreacting. So my GF was being a bit cheeky with the teddy bear, grow up. And the fitness book was recommended to me by the lady in the bookstore when I told her who I was shopping for. It can’t be THAT bad if that’s the case.

Gift-giving can be a minefield, especially in strained family ties. The Reddit user’s choice of a postnatal fitness book for his sister-in-law, paired with a cheeky Chanel teddy bear, was meant to reflect her interests but landed as a jab at her body and style. Her offense, amplified by their rocky relationship, highlights how pregnancy heightens emotional sensitivity, while the user’s girlfriend’s sly gift added fuel to the fire.

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Pregnancy often brings body image concerns. A 2020 study in Body Image (Body Image Journal) found that 70% of pregnant women worry about postpartum weight, making gifts focused on fitness particularly fraught. The user’s intent may have been genuine, but the context—tension with his sister-in-law—made the gift feel judgmental.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Gifts should affirm, not critique, the recipient’s identity” (Psychology Today). Here, the fitness book and teddy bear were perceived as passive-aggressive, especially from someone with a history of friction. The user’s girlfriend’s “tongue-in-cheek” gift further eroded goodwill.

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To mend this, the user could apologize sincerely, clarifying his intent while acknowledging the misstep. Future gifts should stick to baby-focused items, like registry picks, to avoid personal misinterpretations. Open communication with his brother could ease tensions.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, tossing shade like confetti at a baby shower. Here’s the raw scoop from the online crew:

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decemberrainfall − YTA- if I were that pregnant I'd be pissed that people were already mentioning weight loss to me, *especially* since you don't have a good relationship. That's a d**k move.

DarkRoseShay − YTA. You admit the Bear was a bit of a jab which would make you TA. The book while well intentioned it seems like is... insensitive. Pregnant or not. “Here’s a book about how to lose weight and get in shape” is generally a bad idea unless the person has specifically asked for such a book

wigglebuttbiscuits − YTA. So...the teddy bear was actively mocking her and that was obvious. That combined with a book that’s basically ‘how to not get too fat when you have a baby’ is a pretty clear slight. I’m guessing you think she takes things too seriously because you all have a history of being assholes to her.

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AnorhiDemarche − YTA. Come on man you know this one. Like maybe you genuinely thought it was a great gift but you *know* pregnancy puts a body through hell and the self esteem s**t that goes with it and all the 'hur hur now ur fat' stuff. It's saturated enough in our bloody media that everyone should get it by now.

Don't call the pregnant woman fat. You should have known as soon as you got that call that you messed up bad, even with purely innocent intent. the fitness book was recommended to me by the lady in the bookstore when I told her who I was shopping for.

It can’t be THAT bad Who knows better? the lady pregnant lady who's very upset to have received a fitness and weight loss book as a baby shower gift from someone they don't get on with or an employee at a book store?

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elinordash − YTA. Baby showers are about helping a couple prepare for the birth of a child. There is something called a registry where people list the specific high chair, stroller, etc. they would like. You are not required to buy off the registry, but registry gifts are always gratefully received.

People don't throw their own baby showers, someone else hosts. Normally a shower thrown by a friend would include the dad's mother and sisters at the least (many showers are women only events).

But it isn't automatically an insult to keep a shower to a smaller group and not invite the dad's people. Your gift and your girlfriend's gift both sound snarky. And there is a list of necessary items you can buy off of! There is no need to get creative, so you don't get a pass for trying.

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Mini_Minos − YTA. I physically cringed at the title, then even more when I saw you were a 20 something guy giving his to a 30 something woman you clearly don’t really like, along with another present that’s a dig at her fashion choices. And you complain SHE was rude to YOUR girlfriend! You are either incredibly dim or incredibly disingenuous if you can’t see why this was an awful gift.

Sneakys2 − YTA. If this is a sampling of how your family “teases” her, don’t be surprised if your contact with your new niece/nephew is limited

cussbunny − YTA. You talk like it was a present you gave in good faith, like it never crossed your mind that might not be a good idea, but I don’t really feel like that was the case. You made it clear you don’t like her,

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and any sort of gift about losing pregnancy weight is going to feel cheeky coming from someone you know doesn’t like you much. I think you knew that. If you really wanted to give her something genuine she’d appreciate you’d have gotten her something for the baby like everyone else.

AccioAmelia − YTA and your GF is right there with you. Your SIL is very lucky her DH is 'fiercly protective' of her against family. If i was her, I'd be done with the lot of you and you'd never get to meet the baby until you can respect BOTH of it's parents.

[Reddit User] − You weren't invited and still sent her offensive gifts? Can you not take a hint? YTA

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Redditors called out the user for his tone-deaf gifts, labeling the fitness book insensitive and the teddy bear a blatant dig. Some sympathized with the sister-in-law, suggesting the family’s “teasing” culture fueled the drama. These spicy takes raise the question: do they nail the issue, or are they just piling on?

This baby shower saga shows how a well-intended gift can hit all the wrong notes. The user’s fitness book and cheeky teddy bear, meant to celebrate his sister-in-law’s interests, instead deepened family rifts, proving context is everything in gift-giving. Navigating family tensions requires sensitivity, especially during pregnancy’s emotional rollercoaster. Have you ever given a gift that backfired spectacularly? What would you do to smooth things over in this family drama? Share your stories below!

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