AITA for telling the truth about why I wasn’t at a family baby shower at a family dinner?

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The family dinner hummed with clinking forks, but a stepgrandparent’s question pierced the calm for a 23-year-old woman. Why skip her stepbrother’s baby shower? Her stepsiblings’ exclusion—ignoring her, omitting her from a “sibling time” post—stung too much to attend. Hoping for unity, she faced rejection instead

Her honest reply, admitting she felt unwanted, sparked her stepmother’s anger and her stepsiblings’ shrugs. Was her truth bold or divisive? This raw tale of blended family strife captures the struggle of seeking belonging where it’s not given. Let’s explore her story and the emotional tightrope of fractured bonds.

‘AITA for telling the truth about why I wasn’t at a family baby shower at a family dinner?’

I (23f) was at a dinner with my dad, stepmom, stepsiblings (27m) (25f) and (22f) and my stepmom's parents. Last month was my stepbrothers wife's baby shower for the first child. I was invited by my parents (they were hosting) but did not attend.

The reason I did not attend is I have attended stuff for my stepsiblings before and it's always painfully clear I am not part of their sibling group. I don't get included in sibling pictures, they hardly speak to me and when I try to engage with them they move away as fast as humanly possible.

They have told me before they tolerate me but I'm not their sister and I don't belong among them. My stepmom and dad know. My stepmom was very tough on them for that when we were kids and I think they thought family therapy and time would help. And honestly I secretly hoped too, since I grew up with them and always felt like an only child living with a group of siblings.

And I almost went to the baby shower. For the sake of civility. Only my stepbrother posted how he was excited for time with his siblings at the baby shower, how nice it would be for them to be together and tagged both stepsisters and not me and I thought, why show up for a baby shower for him and his wife when neither could care and I will just feel the sting of not being included.

And don't get me wrong it's their right to not feel the same about me. But I feel like it's my right to avoid that type of stuff when the guests of honor don't give a s**t about me. So their grandma asked me at dinner why I wasn't there and I decided to be honest. I said I wasn't there because I'm not close with my stepsiblings and it's been clear to me I'm not wanted by any of them so I decided to do my own thing.

My stepsiblings were basically shrugging it off and their grandparents were looking at them and then my stepmom went off on them about it. Then they said I was a child running to tell on them. My dad said I probably should have made up an excuse to save the argument.. I don't know.. AITA?

Blended families can feel like navigating a maze, and this 23-year-old woman’s story of stepsibling exclusion cuts deep. Skipping her stepbrother’s baby shower and later speaking honestly at a family dinner, she set a boundary but stirred conflict. Let’s unpack it.

Her stepsiblings’ actions—excluding her from photos, conversations, and a social media post—signal clear rejection. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, says, “Steprelationships don’t automatically gel; they need intentional effort from all.” The stepsiblings’ dismissal and “tattling” accusation show they’re dodging accountability. Her parents’ responses—her stepmother’s scolding, her father’s plea for a white lie—reflect their struggle to unify the family.

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This mirrors broader stepfamily challenges, where 60% of stepchildren feel less close to stepsiblings than biological ones, per a 2018 study. The OP’s pain stems from craving belonging, clashing with her stepsiblings’ resistance. Their right to boundaries doesn’t negate her right to skip events where she feels unwelcome.

Papernow advises, “Open communication, even if uncomfortable, is key.” The OP’s honesty forced a hidden issue into the open, especially with her stepgrandparents’ reaction hinting at disapproval of the stepsiblings. By opting out, she protected her self-worth. She could consider a frank talk with her parents about realistic expectations, as forced bonds rarely stick.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a mix of empathy and fiery takes. Here’s what the community had to say about the OP’s dilemma:

RocketRoulette − NTA. Honesty is best policy sometimes.

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SnooDrawings1480 − NTA. Step grandma asked a question, you answered honestly. Ask your father if he'd rather you outright LIED to her in order to spare an argument because of the way you've been treated all these years?

Beautiful_mistakes − NTA Sometimes the truth is ugly. So why lie? It seems pretty obvious that your step siblings feelings weren’t hurt or embarrassed by their behavior at all. I would just ask my step mom and dad stop scolding them about it. You can’t force things like that. Why go to events where you’re not welcome? I’m with you I wouldn’t go where I wasn’t wanted either.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Him tagging them in a post and not you about how he is excited for his siblings to be there is a slap in the face. What the hell do they expect from you if they are literal adults acting like children. Also they literally didn’t invite you, your parents did. This guy is about to have a baby and acts like this? This makes me so mad for you I’m sorry they suck.

[Reddit User] − NTA, I have actual siblings and I have the same relationship. I make it a point to tell them how they have excluded me every chance I get so my parents realize the mental anx it has created. I’m sorry you’re going through this. However, find a significant other who will love you and the family embraces you as their own. It has done WONDERS!

doublestitch − Your stepmother is tactless and your father is spineless. The stepsiblings take after their mother and it's easier for them to s**pegoat you than to own up to their own mistakes or criticize their parents. S**t flows downhill. But their choices don't make you an a**hole: you're an adult in your mid-twenties and you can decline social invitations for any reason or none.

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In this situation you do have reasons and they're well founded. You wouldn't be an a**hole if you told your father to his face that it isn't your responsibility to make up lies so that people who act like jerks can save face, or if you told that pack of stepsiblings that you're a mature adult even if they aren't: you aren't going to waste your time if they're nothing but rude to you.. NTA

fatfarko69 − NTA and guess who are? They said you were a child running to tell on them because the truth shows just how awful they are as siblings, as family, as human beings. I suggest you stop attending any event where the step-siblings will be, and when your dad or stepmom ask why you aren't attending, be honest.

'Your children don't want me around, go out of their way to treat me like garbage, and no matter what you say to them, they will never change. So if you want to see me, it will have to be just you two. If you lie to me to get me to show up and any of them are there, I will leave.'

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mochaluvr1 − NTA. they said I was a child running to tell on them. Nope, these 3 don't get to treat you with hostility (can't say it's indifference because they really make a point to reject OP) and then get upset when faced with the consequences of their actions, their grandma asked me at dinner why I wasn't there and I decided to be honest...

My stepsiblings were basically shrugging it off and their grandparents were looking at them and then my stepmom went off on them. Mom going off on them is one thing. But what *really* upset the steps is that their grandparents found out and obviously don't approve. What I want to know is if they got a look of disapproval, dissapointment, or shock?

Or was it all of the above? This brings it up a whole other notch. OP, your step siblings have told you the truth about their feelings toward you over the years in both words and action. You only did the same. It just sounds like they have every expectation that you silently tolerate their hostility towards you. Accountability is not their thing. Good for you.

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Lickable_Grass − NTA, they never included you in anything and it was obvious they didnt care weather you were there or not, and their grandmother asked ***you***, you never went and 'Told on them' you just said the truth and only the truth, its their fault they avoid you like the plague

PhillyShell99 − NTA. For f**k's sake, somebody needed to get it into the open. They don't like you, and you're no longer interested in trying to change their mind, so you're moving on. Tell your dad that as much as may have tried to have them consider you a sibling, it has failed and that if it hasn't taken by now it never will.

These Redditors laid it all bare, but do their hot takes mirror real-world dynamics? Maybe it’s time to weigh in with your own perspective.

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This story peels back the curtain on the messy, heartfelt struggles of blended families—where hope for connection can crash against cold shoulders. The OP’s choice to speak her truth, though divisive, was a stand for her dignity. But was it the right move, or could a softer dodge have spared the drama? Blended families are a universal puzzle, and every story adds a piece. What would you do if you felt like an outsider at a family event? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unpack this together.

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