AITA for telling my son that if he won’t do s**t for us we won’t do stuff for him and took back the money I gave him for a trip?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The rain pattered against the windows, but the real storm brewed inside the cozy family kitchen. At 3 a.m., exhausted from an emergency work shift, Sarah found the leftovers she’d asked her 19-year-old son, Gabe, to put away still sitting on the counter. Gabe, once a thoughtful kid, had returned from college with a new attitude—selfish, dismissive, and unbothered by family needs. Sarah’s frustration boiled over, leading to a heated clash that left her questioning her tough love.

This Reddit AITA post captures a raw moment of parenting a young adult. Gabe’s refusal to do simple tasks, like letting the dog in from the rain or acknowledging Father’s Day, pushed Sarah to revoke trip money she’d given him. It’s a story of boundaries, changing family roles, and the struggle to reconnect, pulling readers into a drama that’s all too relatable.

‘AITA for telling my son that if he won’t do s**t for us we won’t do stuff for him and took back the money I gave him for a trip?’

My son, Gabe 19 is back for the summer after his first year at college. Now before college he was such a thoughtful kid, this issue started this summer. He came back and won’t do a favor for anyone. At college he rarely called which was expected, he was busy and doing his work.

He came back and doing anyone any favors is impossible, can you close the door, his answer is not my door. It’s raining I’m at work can you make sure the dog is in, came home and the dog was soaked since he didn’t let him in. It’s for everything.

Father’s Day, he forgot even though his sister and I reminded him and he didn’t even show up for cake. That made my husband really sad. My breaking point was I got called into work last night for an emergency. Husband is gone for the week and my daughter was asleep. All I asked is for him to put the leftovers away since I need to leave ASAP. It was so simple yet when I came back home at 3 am they were still out.

I went to his room, he was still up and we got into an argument, if he can’t do anything for this family we won’t do s**t for him. I then took back the money I gave him for a trip and told him to pay for it himself. He called me a jerk and my daughter is happy with the outcome.

My mother called it to extreme even though we have talked about this multiple times. Yes, I have tried to talk to him about this it’s like brick wall so if something happened at college he is not telling me.

Sarah’s frustration with Gabe’s newfound selfishness is a classic clash of family expectations. Young adults returning from college often test boundaries, but Gabe’s refusal to do basic tasks signals a deeper shift. His actions—leaving the dog in the rain, ignoring leftovers during an emergency—show a lack of empathy that’s rattled his family.

Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a developmental psychologist, explains, “The transition to adulthood can strain family ties as young adults prioritize independence over responsibility” (Psychology Today). Gabe’s behavior may reflect college stressors or a rebellion against perceived obligations. However, Sarah’s reasonable requests—closing doors, caring for the family pet—align with basic household cooperation, not excessive demands.

This scenario touches on a broader issue: the evolving parent-child dynamic in young adulthood. A 2024 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 45% of parents report increased conflict with college-aged children over household contributions. Gabe’s attitude risks eroding family trust, especially with his sister and father feeling let down.

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Dr. Steinberg suggests parents “set clear expectations and consequences while fostering open dialogue.” Sarah’s decision to revoke trip money was a firm boundary, but a heart-to-heart could uncover Gabe’s underlying issues—perhaps academic stress or social struggles. Sarah should reinforce house rules while inviting Gabe to share his perspective, possibly with family counseling to rebuild connection. Consistency and communication can help Gabe see that cooperation strengthens family bonds, not just obligations.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit squad dove into Sarah’s story like it was a family barbecue with all the fixings. Their opinions? Bold, supportive, and packed with shade for Gabe’s antics. Here’s the spicy scoop from the crowd:

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ProvoloneJones11 − NTA. Tell your son he's an adult and adults have to contribute to get things. If he wants to act like a child then you'll treat him like one. I would have done the exact same thing in your situation. There's a baseline level of respect required and if he can't do that then he won't get anything from you and might not even be welcomed to stay in the house for free if the behavior continues

AgnarCrackenhammer − NTA.. Leaving the dog in the rain would've been enough for me to kick him out

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Geo_1997 − NTA. Unless something has happened while he was at uni that you arent telling us, like arguements or letting him down or something that has caused him to turn cold with you.. Has anything like that happened? Did he ask for something and you said not my responsibility or something?. If not then hes just become really bratty for some reason

mdthomas − If he can't even be bothered to help with little things, I would draft a lease and start charging rent. If he doesn't want to help out OR pay rent then he needs to find other living arrangements.. NTA

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Electronic_Fox_6383 − NTA, but have you tried having a heart-to-heart with him? If his behaviour has changed so much that his basic personality reads differently, I'd say there's something else going on. He could have had difficulties with life at college that you're just not aware of.

He's suffering right now and it's spilling over. That's what you're seeing. I'm sure you can mend this with communication, love and understanding, while also setting some house rules. You've got this.

Aggravating-Pain9249 − People living together (roommates, family etc) do small favors for one another to make life work. Putting away the left over so they wouldn't spoil is not an onerous task. You had to leave immediately, it was an emergency.

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Asking for the dog to be brought in from the rain is not an onerous task. It is care for a family pet. I assume Gabe grew up with the dog. It was actually cruel to the dog to leave him out. NTA. Personally, I would consider kicking him out because he can't live with others.

pppjjjoooiii − NTA. The dog thing is particularly awful. I understand the whole teenage angst thing, but leaving a loving loyal animal out in the rain because “it’s not my responsibility” is just so cruel.

RealbadtheBandit − Not even letting the dog in when it's raining?. He wasn't like this before and suddenly changed after a year of college? That's so weird. Boy, I'd do worse than that if he were my son. I'd tell him the next time he pulled one of these stunts, he'd be out on his ear.. NTA. And tell your mother he can move in with her and see how she likes it.

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AlainnJuly − NTA, the grand total of time to close the door, let the dog in, and put the leftovers away is less than it probably took you to type this post. He is an adult and he can make choices to do what he is doing, but he better be ready to face the consequences for these choices.. If he was so thoughtful before, I’m sure something happened to cause this change.. Although, why is your daughter happy with the outcome?

Alamoraine − NTA. All of your requests were reasonable for someone living under your roof; it's not like you asked him for a damn kidney. Keeping a house a home involves everyone living there, and if he's not willing to do his part, he can always live somewhere else for the summer.

Redditors cheered Sarah’s tough stance, slamming Gabe’s cruelty to the dog and disregard for family. Some urged a deeper look into his college experience, while others suggested rent or eviction. But do these hot takes nail the full story, or are they just grilling Gabe for sport? One thing’s clear: Sarah’s saga has folks fired up.

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Sarah’s showdown with Gabe highlights the messy shift from parenting a teen to guiding a young adult. Her decision to pull the trip money was a stand for family respect, but it also risks widening the gap with her son. Gabe’s cold shoulder might hide struggles, yet his actions hurt those closest to him. This tale reminds us that family harmony takes work from everyone.

What would you do if your kid came home acting like Gabe? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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