AITA for not returning my bridesmaid gifts after the wedding was cancelled?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A warm summer breeze carried dreams of a perfect wedding as a 27-year-old nurse, giddy with friendship, unwrapped a dazzling gift box from her friend Jessica. Packed with sunglasses, a tote bag, and beach-ready gear for a Mexico bachelorette bash, the box screamed celebration. But the joy fizzled fast when Jessica’s engagement collapsed in a storm of infidelity, leaving the bridesmaid caught in an unexpected tug-of-war over those cherished gifts.

The fallout wasn’t just about broken vows Jessica’s demand to reclaim the gifts, paid for by her jilted ex-fiancé, turned a tale of betrayal into a modern etiquette saga. With group chats buzzing and friendships fraying, this Reddit post exploded online, pulling readers into a drama where loyalty, morality, and a $275 gift box collide. Dive into this messy unraveling of wedding plans and personal principles.

‘AITA for not returning my bridesmaid gifts after the wedding was cancelled?’

Hello everyone! I’m 27F. My friend, “Jessica” (28F) was supposed to get married over the summer. She asked me and a few of our other friends to be her bridesmaids by giving us gift boxes with things for the bachelorette party, which is going to be a long weekend in Mexico (3 of us are nurses, two are teachers, we’re all vaccinated).

The box had sunglasses, a bathing suit, shoes, some jewelry, a water bottle, and a tote bag in it-they were *really* nice. Well, Jessica’s fiancé got a call from her boyfriend and the wedding was called off (neither one of them knew about the other). We were all just as blindsided as he was, we had no idea.

Jessica recently contacted me to tell me that since the trip isn’t happening, she wants the bridesmaids gifts back! I guess some of the girls hadn’t taken any of their stuff out of them so they just gave them back but I took the stuff out, I used the tote bag and the sunglasses already, and after I had tried on the bathing suit I cut the tags off.

When i told Jessica that I had assumed this stuff was a gift, so I had already used some of it, she got really mad and said that I should’ve saved it for the trip, and that I had to reimburse her for the price of all of the stuff.

I was going to do it just to get her off my back but then I found out when I was hanging out with her ex one day that she wasn’t the one who bought the things in the boxes-he was. So I asked him if he wanted me to reimburse him, and he said no, and that it’s just a drop in the bucket of all the money he’s down from the wedding and the extra $275 won’t really make any difference.

I’m not really worried about losing my friendship with Jessica- I think what she did to her fiancé says a lot about her character but I know her and the maid of honor-her sister-are talking a lot of s**t in the group chat that I’m “stealing” from Jessica. AITA?

Jessica’s attempt to claw back bridesmaid gifts after her wedding’s dramatic end raises eyebrows and etiquette red flags. These gifts, meant as tokens of appreciation, were funded by her ex-fiancé, not her. Elaine Swann, etiquette expert at The Swann School of Protocol, notes, “Once a gift is given, it’s the recipient’s to keep, no matter the circumstances”. The OP’s choice to hold onto used items like the tote and sunglasses aligns with this principle, especially since the true giver waved off reimbursement.

This mess reflects a larger issue: the murky expectations around wedding-related gifts. A 2023 Wedding Report survey revealed 68% of bridesmaid gifts are personalized keepsakes, not conditional loans. Jessica’s demand, post-infidelity, feels less like etiquette and more like a power play to salvage control. Her ex’s indifference to the $275 cost further erodes her case, casting her as opportunistic rather than wronged.

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Gift-giving in weddings thrives on clarity and goodwill, both absent here. Had Jessica outlined the gifts’ purpose—say, for the trip only—this drama might’ve been sidestepped. Swann’s guidance points to open communication as key to avoiding such clashes. The OP’s decision to check with the ex-fiancé was a savvy move, grounding her stance in fairness rather than spite.

For anyone navigating similar wedding fallout, take a page from Swann: confirm intentions early and stand firm on gift etiquette. The OP’s story is a cautionary tale about trusting friends and setting boundaries. It’s a reminder that gifts, like friendships, shouldn’t come with hidden strings—or group chat shade.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s verdict on this drama was swift and sharp: the OP isn’t the villain. Commenters roasted Jessica’s audacity in demanding gifts back, especially since her ex-fiancé paid for them, with many calling her behavior tacky and manipulative.

The community rallied behind the OP, urging her to cut ties with Jessica and her enabling sister. Some even suggested petty revenge, like flaunting the gifts online, but most agreed—gifts are gifts, and Jessica’s scam-like move doesn’t change that.

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everydayimcuddalin − Nta, I would tell them you aren't stealing from Jessica it was a gift from the guy she cheated on🤷

merlotmystery − NTA at all. Her poor ex. Definitely cut ties with this person - she uses people. You should also cut ties with her sister, as she's an enabler at best.

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JL_2112 − NTA. Just let Jessica know that you already offered to reimburse her ex since he's the one that purchased the gifts to begin with. She sounds like a horrible person by the way.

tomtomclubthumb − NTA - not returning a gift isn't particularly bad, espeically if she didn't pay for it.. Also wth $275 gift bags? You live in a different world to. me.

typicalaquarius − NTA - it’s so tacky to ask for it back in the first place.

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Beneficial_Sort_2441 − NTA. Petty me says date then marry the ex-fiancé, then post honeymoon pictures of you wearing the gifts.

Candid-Ear-4840 − NTA, Jessica is trying to scam money from her ex-fiancé one last time before the money faucet turns off by asking for gifts he paid for. She’s definitely not passing the monetary value of those gifts back to the person who bought them! It’s not a ‘return’ it’s just another scam. Tell her you gave them back to her fiancé since it was his money in the first place if you want to shut her up.

rhomboidus − NTA - LOL. Block this girl and move on. She seems like top-tier trash.

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AS2500 − Could you clarify what you mean by 'Jessica's fiancé got a call from her boyfriend and the wedding was called off' please? I'm kind of confused by that.. I would say NTA under the circumstances.

kbunnz − I'd like to preface my response with the fact that I've only ever been a junior bridesmaid and that's considerably different but, I say NTA. It was a gift, end of story. And since her ex-fiance is the one who bought them

and isn't asking for reimbursement take that as your answer for whether or not you should keep the stuff. But I'd also be tempted to be super petty and ask in the group chat how exactly you're stealing from her when she never bought the gifts in the first place.

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This bridesmaid gift fiasco, born from a wedding wrecked by deceit, serves up a platter of moral and social intrigue. The OP’s stand to keep the gifts, cheered on by Reddit, highlights the chaos that erupts when trust and etiquette collide. Have you ever faced a friend demanding a gift back after a fallout? Share your stories below and let’s unpack this drama together!

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