AITA for being resentful at my adoptive parents for refusing to let my biological brother see me after my adoption?

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The air felt heavy in the cozy suburban home where a 16-year-old sat, heart racing with a mix of anger and disbelief. After years of believing their biological brother had abandoned them, the truth unraveled like a poorly kept secret: their adoptive parents had blocked all contact, hiding letters and love from a sibling who never stopped trying. The sting of betrayal cut deep, leaving the teen questioning the very foundation of their family.

This Reddit tale tugs at the heartstrings, painting a vivid picture of trust shattered and bonds tested. Readers can’t help but feel the teen’s fury and heartbreak, wondering how a family could justify such a choice. It’s a story that sparks curiosity and debate, pulling us into the messy, emotional world of adoption, loyalty, and truth.

‘AITA for being resentful at my adoptive parents for refusing to let my biological brother see me after my adoption?’

I'm 16 years old. I lost my parents when I was 5, and later I was adopted at the age of 6. I have a brother who is 9 years older than me, so he was about 15 when I was adopted and is 25 now. After my adoption my adoptive parents always told me that my brother didn't want to see me anymore, and I ended up believing it.

In reality he had found them and wanted to see me constantly but my parents refused to let him. He sent me letters for my birthdays, my parents never showed them to me. I ended up hating and resenting him because I felt like he abandoned me.

Well due to some circumstances I am now in touch with my brother and have known the truth for about 6 months and I'm coming back from spending a few weeks with my extended birth family. Turns out my aunt also wanted to see me and for her kids to see me but my parents didn't allow it.

My parents have confirmed this is what they did because they wanted me to not have to carry the baggage from my past and to focus on 'our' family which didn't include my brother and wanted me to bond with my adoptive sister instead. I don't buy it, they could have made it work. I spent so much time being angry at my brother for abandoning me when he didn't.

And it could have all been avoided. So yeah I'm angry and resentful and I don't trust them anymore. I've told them that, and told them that adopting me was a mistake. My sister told me that I'm acting out and I'm being ungrateful for everything that our parents have done for me, that I'd still be in foster care if they hadn't adopted me. AITA?

The decision to cut off a child’s biological family can feel like a seismic shift in their identity. This teen’s story highlights a painful clash between adoptive parents’ intentions and the emotional toll of their choices. On one side, the parents aimed to create a cohesive family unit; on the other, they robbed their child of a vital connection, fostering resentment instead of trust. It’s a classic case of good intentions gone awry, wrapped in a bow of secrecy.

Adoption often involves navigating complex emotional landscapes. According to a 2021 study by the Child Welfare Information Gateway, maintaining contact with biological siblings can support a child’s emotional well-being and sense of identity. Yet, some adoptive parents, like those in this story, fear that such ties might disrupt family bonding. The teen’s anger is understandable—years of believing their brother abandoned them could have been avoided with open communication.

Dr. David Brodzinsky, a leading adoption psychologist, notes, “Adoptive parents must balance their desire to create a new family with the child’s need to maintain connections to their past”. In this case, the parents’ decision to sever ties ignored the teen’s right to their history, creating a rift that may take years to heal. Their excuse—to spare the teen from “baggage”—feels flimsy when weighed against the emotional harm caused.

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For the teen, rebuilding trust will be tough but not impossible. Therapy, particularly with a counselor experienced in adoption dynamics, could help them process this betrayal. Open dialogue with their adoptive parents, though difficult, might also clarify intentions and pave the way for healing. For others in similar situations, experts suggest setting clear boundaries and advocating for contact with biological family when safe and feasible.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a spicy mix of outrage and empathy. Here’s a peek at what the community had to say, with some hot takes that cut straight to the heart of the matter:

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DistrictEquivalent79 − NTA!!! Your adoptive parents have been emotionally abusing you. That was not their intent, but it WAS a rather \*predictable\* effect of the stupid and illogical decisions that they made. You have the right to be angry and to not trust them anymore. Your sister trying to lay a guilt trip on you? She's an AH too...

Homer_04_13 − NTA. By the time you came into their home, you were already a person with a life and a family. The family they made with you didn't end that; but they expected you to act like it did. And they tried to enforce that experience.. I'm so sorry that was done to you.

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Intelligent-Bite9660 − NTA- if you had to be taken away from your parents because of drugs or whatever it would be reasonable. But the fact that they died makes it worse. there was no reason to keep you away from your birth family when they tried to reach out, much less LIE to you and making you think they abandoned you.

You don’t owe your adoptive parents anything. As always, it what THEY chose to do. That doesn’t mean you’re indebted to them, and you’re definitely allowed to be upset by their actions and the sorry excuse for those actions. Also, I HATE when people make that excuse to foster/adopted children. You nor they have any idea where you would be in they didn’t adopt you.

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You could have been adopted by another family, or better- been giving a chance to live with your birth family. But to say you would STILL be in foster care if it wasn’t for them is manipulative af and not true 85% of the time. Can I ask why no one in your birth family was able to take you after your parents death ?

LilaLaLina − NTA.. What they did was malicious and wrong and incredibly unfair to you and your sibling. What did they expect to happen? That you would never hear from your birth family ever again? They let you feel abandoned by your brother knowing very well that the day of reckoning would come sooner or later for them and their lies would get exposed and you would not be happy about it and they did it anyway.

GillianOMalley − Both your parents AND your sister are terrible. The 'ungrateful adoptee' trope needs die in a fire.

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TiredAndTiredOfIt − NTA and they likelt violated the conditions of the adoption. Your parents and sister are massive sandy AHs.. Here is why: 1) Legally FC adoptions are supposed to require contact with birth sibs. This is explained to parents by social.workers as part of the process. Like on day 1 and it is repeated over and over.

I was trained as a foster parent, this is part of adopting from FC. They probably lied to your social worker in order to get away with this and it emotionally harmed you. Major AH move. Any decent therapist or social worker would tell them they screwed up here, you have a right to be mad. You had a legal right to continued access to your sibling, they stole that from you.

2) Your sister is an AH because ahe thinks you OWE those people something for adopting you from FC. That is SICK. How dare she? Adopted children are not required ro kiss the ass of the folks who adopted them. You do not need to grovel and be grateful. I am so so sorry you were treared this way.

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This is NOT how it is supposed to work. Your rights were violated and keeping you from tour sibling was abusive. Please contact a therapist with experience in foster to adopt (your county social workers can refer you). You deserve help processing this horrible trauma and betrayal. Your county even pay for it.

Throwjob42 − My sister told me that I'm acting out and I'm being ungrateful for everything that our parents have done for me. This is the same flawed logic about being grateful for your bio-parents for raising you. The flaw is: THEY CHOSE TO RAISE YOU, their choice does not impose responsibility on you. NTA.

000-Hotaru_Tomoe − NTA Your adoptive parents were extremely selfish. They have deprived you for many years of additional love that you would have had from your birth family, and that would take nothing away from your adoptive family. Heck!

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They lied to you and created pain and resentment towards your brother in you. I hope that over time you can reconnect more and more with your brother and your birth family, they seem like good people.. As for your sister saying that you are 'ungrateful', she can go eat sand.

Taking care of children is a primary duty of parents, not gracious generosity. Therefore, you must not be silent and complacent with everything they do because they have adopted you. It is your right to call them out on their mistakes. And they made a big mistake with you.

AnnaBanana3468 − NTA … Your parents suck. I’d be so pissed at them. They were being very selfish, and are trying to pretend it was for your own good. Really it was just easier for them to cut you off from your family.

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ScorchieSong − NTA. This wasn’t their decision to make, they didn’t give a reason other than they wanted you to leave your biological family in the past.

These Reddit opinions are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? The community’s passion shows how deeply this story resonates, but real-world solutions might need a cooler head.

This story leaves us wrestling with tough questions about family, trust, and the choices we make for others. The teen’s journey from resentment to reconnection is a stark reminder that love and loyalty can’t be forced or erased by secrecy. What would you do if you discovered a hidden truth about your family? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar betrayal, or would you side with the adoptive parents’ intentions?

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