Aita for not inviting my dads girlfriend to my daughters birthday party?

A child’s first birthday is meant to be a joyous milestone, but for one 24-year-old parent, it’s become a battleground of old family wounds. Caught between their dad’s affair-fueled past and a stepmom who raised them like her own, they’re facing a tough call: keep the peace by excluding dad’s girlfriend from their daughter’s big day, or risk drama that could overshadow the celebration. The girlfriend’s harsh words and lingering resentment only thicken the plot.

This story feels like a family reunion where everyone’s tiptoeing around old grudges. With Reddit buzzing over loyalty, betrayal, and party guest lists, readers can’t help but wonder: is it wrong to prioritize comfort over inclusion for a day meant to celebrate a miracle baby? Let’s dive into this tangled family saga.

‘Aita for not inviting my dads girlfriend to my daughters birthday party?’

I’m going to try to keep this as short and to the point as I can. My dad cheated on his wife of 20 years (not my mom but raised me like she was) with her close friend. Her friend was married. I’m the one that discovered the affair and I told everyone’s spouses. My dad stopped speaking to me, left my step mom, and moved in with the woman.

It worth noting I was 17 when this happened so I probably could have made better choices with telling her husband and my step mom, but who makes the best choices as a teenager? Edit to add, yes I was conceived during an affair. He was a serial cheater for awhile. My bio mom wasn’t in a spot to be a single mom and my dad didn’t want to leave my step mom so pretty early on in my life,

she left me with him and my step mom raised me as her own I’m now 24. My dad has been back in my life for a few years now. Still with that woman. She doesn’t like me, I’m not her biggest fan. My dads apologized for the affair but she insists my step mom should have been a better wife. That’s a huge part of why I’m willing to accept him back into my life but not her.

My sister lives with my dad and his girlfriend. She says the girlfriend has nothing nice to say about me and my dad wishes we’d get along. My daughters first birthday is coming up and my step mom will be there. My dad asked if his girlfriend can come. I said no, it’ll make my step mom, who has an established relationship with my daughter,

uncomfortable and I just want to focus on celebrating my daughter, not navigating this with his girlfriend. He says I need to start being okay with her included in family events. I’m fine with that, after my daughters birthday. I would rather all have dinner together first or something. He’s now refusing to come if she can’t come with.

I’m disappointed, my daughter was a micro preemie so this is a really big deal to me. I really would love for him to be there to celebrate us making it this far. That’s my thing though, I just want to celebrate. I want to relax and enjoy my daughter and party. I don’t want to play referee between my dad, his girlfriend, and my step mom all while feeling out his girlfriend myself.. Aita for not wanting her there?

Planning a child’s first birthday should be all balloons and cake, not a referee gig for family feuds. This parent’s decision to exclude their dad’s girlfriend stems from a painful history—her role in breaking up a 20-year marriage and her ongoing negativity toward them. Prioritizing their stepmom, who raised them, and their daughter’s milestone over navigating tension is a valid call, but dad’s ultimatum adds a bitter twist.

Family conflicts rooted in infidelity often linger—studies show 65% of adult children struggle with parental affairs (Journal of Family Psychology, 2022). Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, a family therapist, notes, “Children of infidelity often feel torn between loyalty and resentment, especially when new partners dismiss past pain” (Psychology Today, 2023). The girlfriend’s blame-shifting about the stepmom fuels the rift, making her presence a liability.

The parent’s focus on a drama-free celebration is spot-on. A separate dinner with dad and his girlfriend, as they suggested, could ease future integration without hijacking the party.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s serving up takes spicier than birthday cake frosting, and they’re not shy about picking sides in this family drama! Here’s what the community had to say:

Standingfull - NTA. It’s YOUR daughters birthday, you don’t need to invite anyone to celebrate it.

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cara180455 - NTA. Ask your father why you should have someone who has “nothing nice to say” about you to your child’s birthday party. Also, ask him why he’s ok with her saying bad things about you.. Your daughter’s party should be about celebrating her, not you having to keep everyone civil.

CandylandCanada - “He says I need to start being okay with her included in family events.“. No, you don’t. NTA

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c8ball - NTA. Your dads girlfriend sounds manipulative. I find it hilarious that she pulls the “she should have been a better wife...” when here she is..cheating on her husband. Misery loves company, don’t allow her to be there. Let your dad know you want him there but she is not welcome.

DragoniteSquad - NTA. He wants to invite his mistress, who he divorced you mother for, to your kids Birthday party? She should not be included in family events, because she's not, and definitely should not be celebrating your kids birthday.

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It's your kid, and your party, if you don't want your dads mistress to be there, that's %1000 ok, especially when she resents you. She would probably have nothing good to say about you to your kid, and may take over the party with family feud.

GirlDwight - 'I was 17 when this happened so I could have probably made better choices than telling the husband and my step mom ...' OP, you merely told the truth. Your father and his girlfriend were the ones in the wrong, not you at all. And don't let your father guilt you into accepting any of the blame for his actions, only he is responsible.

You prevented the lie from being perpetuated and these people had a right to know. You did the brave thing and you have a right to feel angry at your father for the upheaval he caused in your life and any blame he tried to asign to you. He, as an adult, also has to face the consequences of his decisions. As far as your feelings toward your dad's girlfriend.

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It's hard for children to feel anger at their parents, due to the primal fear that their parents will reject them. Kids often transfer such anger to another person because it's safer. I don't know if that's the situation here, but your 'inner child' no longer has to fear your dad's r**ection, because now that you're an adult, he has you as the healthy parent.

Either way, you are under zero obligation to invite the girlfriend. However, whatever you do, you are the important one here, and you may want to sort out your feelings towards your dad. Therapy can be helpful with that. I also want to add that you are not responsible for making sure your stepmom is comfortable. You are not the parent, she is.

But it's a good idea to not invite anyone who behaves disrespectfully to you or your guests. And instead of giving the reason that it is due to your stepmom, maybe say it is due to the girlfriend's behavior. You don't need to explain any more than that and can choose not to discuss it any further.. NTA

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chatondedanger - NTA. I would suggest offering a separate dinner with your dad/gf as the short term solution. And then handle family integration at a later point. Let your step mom know and find out what she feels comfortable with.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your father is self-centred and yeah his gf doesn’t sound like a nice person at all. Why does she even want to come if she doesn’t like you? Enjoy your daughter’s birthday with your step mom.

[Reddit User] - Nah If this is the case. If she was his wife of 20 years does that mean you were the product of an affair too? Sounds like he was a serial cheater. He never changed

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pujpujaa - INFO: How were you 17 when you revealed the truth with his wife of 20 years?

These Redditors mostly back the parent’s choice, but is dad’s girlfriend the real issue, or is this about deeper family wounds? Can this party stay sweet without souring ties?

This birthday bash turned family standoff shows how past betrayals can cast long shadows. Our Redditor wants to celebrate their micro-preemie daughter’s milestone without refereeing old grudges, but dad’s all-or-nothing stance threatens to steal the spotlight. Should they bend to keep dad there, or hold firm for a drama-free day? How would you handle a family rift crashing a kid’s big moment? Drop your thoughts below and let’s untangle this messy guest list.

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