AITA for lying about a food allergy?

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A small-town steakhouse, dripping with butter and pride, was the unlikely stage for a vegan’s desperate move. Visiting family for a sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner, they faced a menu hostile to their five-year vegan lifestyle. After past mix-ups with butter-drenched dishes, they claimed life-threatening allergies to secure a plain pasta meal—only to ignite family fury when the restaurant’s extra prep racked up a hefty bill. This Reddit tale has everyone debating ethics and dietary dilemmas.

It’s a story that resonates with anyone navigating personal choices in unsupportive settings. Was the vegan’s lie a justified workaround, or a selfish stunt that hurt others? Readers are pulled into the clash of personal needs versus collective consequences, wondering where the line lies in getting your needs met.

‘AITA for lying about a food allergy?’

I’m vegan, have been for over 5 years. I’m lucky to live in a major city with a plethora of entirely or partially vegan restaurants, but, when I visit my family in rural Pennsylvania, my options become nonexistent. Attitudes toward veganism here range from ignorance to outright hostility.

I try to avoid eating out with my family when I’m home, at ALL costs, but sometimes it simply isn’t avoidable—for example, my sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner. My sister had her dinner at the foremost “fine dining” establishment in this town. It’s a big old tavern that bills itself as a “French-influenced steakhouse”.

Menu fare is every imaginable cut of steak drowned in butter, with some chicken and fish drowned in butter, plus sides of veggies and mashed potatoes that are—yes, smothered in butter. The one or two vegetarian dishes are buttered and drowned in creamy sauce.

Given that my little brother used to wait tables here, I know that they frown upon substitutions and don’t use much veggie oil for the sake of “quality”. I’ve had two negative experiences here, too. I tried to explain my vegan diet my first time here, in depth, yet my sad little plate of steamed Broccoli was drizzled with butter and my iceberg lettuce salad came with ranch.

The second time, a chef came out personally and promised me that his tomato pasta dish was vegan—only for me to find that they’d swirled parmesan cheese into the red sauce to disguise that they’d accidentally sprinkled it on top. That incident broke my trust completely. For my sister’s dinner, I called ahead and told the chef that I have life-threatening food allergies to meat proteins,

dairy (including butter), and egg. Finally, they took me seriously. I was served a dish of plain pasta with salt and pepper with fruit, which sucked but I appreciated the consideration. For those allergies, though, they had to scrub down the entire kitchen, clean the fryers, check the ingredient lists of their products, etc.

That prep apparently cost them an extra 2 hours, and—I didn’t realize this—they charged my parents (who are paying for the rehearsal) an extra several hundred for their time. My sister and parents are LIVID. I already sent my mom the several hundred needed to cover the extra cost, but they’re upset at me for lying and humiliating the chef and restaurant,

whom they have close ties to, My sister’s wedding is this weekend and something tells me that it’s gonna be tense. Personally, I think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserve.. AITA for ensuring my needs are met?

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Securing a safe meal in a butter-soaked steakhouse pushed this vegan to lie about allergies, a move that ensured compliance but cost their family extra and strained ties. The vegan’s distrust, built from past experiences with ignored requests, drove their deception, while the restaurant’s over-the-top response—deep-cleaning fryers for pasta—escalated the fallout. The family’s anger reflects embarrassment and financial strain, but the vegan’s reimbursement shows accountability.

Dietary restrictions challenge social dining. A 2023 study in the Journal of Foodservice Research found that 45% of vegans avoid eating out in non-vegan areas due to limited options. The vegan’s lie, while effective, risks undermining trust for those with real allergies.

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Nutritionist Dr. Marion Nestle says, “Honesty about dietary needs fosters better communication with restaurants.” The vegan could have eaten beforehand or brought a dish, while the restaurant should train staff on basic vegan accommodations. Solutions include the vegan apologizing for the lie and the family discussing future event planning.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s takes are as sizzling as a steakhouse grill—let’s dig in!

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Budget-Ad56 − YTA. Hi someone with an actual food allergy (lactose and potentially gluten ) , please don’t use an condition that can and is life threatening to make your life easier . Also you their job 10X harder. Edit : Holy crap this is my most like comment yay 😀. Edit 2: my allergies are not life threatening but they are a pain in the assets .. Edit 3: the restaurant shouldn’t have lied but you shouldn’t have either

Fainora − YTA bring your own food. This is not a vegan restaurant and you cannot expect a steakhouse to cater to vegan requirements, meanwhile now you've created more kitchen staff who won't take allergies seriously.

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cpop616 − YTA. And this really got me: “Personally, I think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserved.” This sort of attitude is what makes many people hate vegans.

It’s a steakhouse in an area where you admitted that veganism isn’t considered a big thing. They probably don’t have easy means to make a vegan meal and don’t get many requests like this. You even said when they tried it wasn’t that great.

Since you’ve had previous issues with this place, you could have called them in advance and been really blunt about what you can/can’t eat and ask if they couldn’t accommodate you if you could bring your own food as this is for sister’s rehearsal dinner. Lying wasn’t the way to go about it. At all.

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JudgyUnicorn − YTA for lying and for saying they got what they deserved. They are a steakhouse not a vegan restaurant. Not every place is responsible for your dietary restrictions.

Swampman5000 − There’s several other things you could’ve done rather than lying about having life threatening allergies: 1•Explained to your family that this particular restaurant has refused/intentionally ignored your dietary requests in the past and you won’t be going.. 2•Go anyways, but eat beforehand.

3•Go and be insistent about your dietary restrictions and every time they do it wrong send it back. Every. Single. Time. Until they *finally* do it right. I’m sure there are plenty of other things you could’ve done, but the right option is *never* going to be “lie about life threatening food allergies”.

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My friend actually is deathly allergic to dairy, she’ll die even if her food is prepared on a station that had dairy on it previously and hasn’t been cleaned, and it’s people like you that make it so no one takes her seriously. It’s the same as people who put a vest on their dog and say it’s a service dog when it clearly isn’t.

Y T A for that. **However** I’m gonna say ESH cause restaurant should’ve been able to accommodate you in the first place, it’s not that hard and they’re jerks for messing it up several times before, which caused you to lose trust and choose to lie about allergies.

Unique-Calligrapher8 − Yta. People like you are why people with real, life threatening food allergies aren't taken seriously.

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shortnsweet33 − YTA there are people with severe allergies and when people falsify allergies because of dietary preferences or dislikes, it makes it harder for people with legitimate allergies to be taken seriously. Also, if you can’t eat the food, just eat something beforehand or afterwards, or skip the dinner and explain why.

I’ve had to pack a protein bar to eat before at an event where I couldn’t eat the main course because of allergies. I made that choice though. Could I have skipped going? Sure, but it was also a time to visit with some people I hadn’t seen in years and was happy to see, and it was one meal. Was easy enough to hit a drive thru afterwards.

i_had_ice − You could have just asked for a garden salad with dressing on the side. Jesus Christ, you give us vegans/vegetarians a bad name.. YTA

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milesassociates − Yes yta. Yta because that day isn't about you and you can be flexible. And you are also TA for subjecting retail workers that extra work load for nothing. They get paid minimum wage and shouldn't have to be party to such nonsense.. At least you reimbursed your family though. I guess you should get positive recognition for that.

Rose8918 − As a former server in both casual AND fine dining restaurants in a major US metropolis, that restaurant is fuckin ABSURD. They gave you pasta and fruit. Why in the f**k did they need to clean multiple fryers? Why did they need to scrub an entire kitchen? It makes literally NO sense.

They called in the kitchen crew early to deep clean but didn’t have the foresight to plan the SINGLE dish and know which *extremely limited* items they were planning to use to make it??? It’s literally a pot, a bowl, tongs, a boiler basket, a cutting board, and a knife that only needed a run through the sanitizer.

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It appears to be an establishment run by fuckin idiots. I worked at a place where we once got a reservation for a family of Orthodox Jews. They brought in kosher pans and cutlery and kitchenware themselves, but we charged them *nothing* for the extra time and consideration that went into cooking their food.

We never shut down service and deep cleaned the kitchen if a guest had a life-threatening peanut or shellfish allergy. They just used clean items and didn’t cross-contaminate. If the chef is so dubious of his kitchen’s cleanliness,

I don’t think I’d even recommend carnivores eat there. Also maybe call in a tip to the local health department because it seems like not a single person in that building has taken a food-handler’s certification.. Absolutely NTA

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From slamming the vegan’s lie to questioning the restaurant’s competence, these comments cook up a heated debate. But do they serve the core issue, or just add sauce?

This rehearsal dinner drama shows how a vegan’s lie about allergies turned a celebration into a costly clash. The vegan got their meal but lost family trust, while the restaurant’s overreaction fanned the flames. Was the lie a clever hack or a reckless move? It’s a reminder that honesty and planning can prevent a menu mishap. Ever had to bend the truth to get your needs met? What would you do in this vegan’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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