AITA for asking my dads brother to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?

Jonathan Hours
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A wedding day sparkles with joy, but for one bride-to-be, it’s tinged with the ache of old family wounds. At 28, she’s planning her winter nuptials, but the question of who’ll walk her down the aisle stirs up a storm. Her father, once her hero, vanished after a messy divorce, leaving her to parent her five siblings at just 16. Now, she’s turned to her uncle, who opened his home when her dad shut the door, to take that symbolic stroll.

This choice isn’t just about tradition—it’s a bold statement of loyalty and love for those who showed up. Readers can feel the weight of her decision, balancing gratitude against the sting of abandonment. As the Reddit community weighs in, the question looms: is she wrong to sideline her dad in front of everyone? Let’s dive into this heartfelt family saga.

‘AITA for asking my dads brother to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?’

I 28F am getting married in the Winter. Me and my dad were very close when I was growing up. When I was aged 16 my parents divorced after 20 years of marriage. Now I don't blame him for this and from the information I have I can confidently say its my mums fault they divorced. However, after the divorce he completely ignored all 6 of his children.

He didn't make any effort to keep in contact with any of us the last time we heard or spoke to him was the night of the separation. For the next 8 years I was the main earner for my family and was more like a parent to my siblings. During this time, I didnt keep in contact with anybody from my dad's side of the family.

I had the phone numbers of a couple of my aunties/cousins but didn't really speak to them apart from the yearly birthday or Christmas message. I only really saw one cousin of mine regularly and that was the cousin who was my 19M brothers best friend growing up (We'll call him Rob). Around about 5 years ago I had a big falling out with my mother in which I left the house.

At this time I asked Rob for his mother's number so I could ask her to get in touch with my father for me. She gets her husband (my uncle) to ask his brother if I can move in with him and my dad agrees to let me stay with him even though I hadn't spoken to him in 7 years at that time. Later on when I arrive at his tells me I can't stay at his and to go stay at a hotel or something.

I call my uncle crying and he says I can come stay with them instead. It seems as though my dad had agreed when his brother had confronted him but changed his mind when he had gone home to speak to his wife. For the next 2 years I lived at my uncles house and I consider his kids to be more like siblings now.

My dad's siblings and cousins from that side of the family always meet up for gatherings multiple times a year. I dont really communicate with my dad other than saying hello and goodbye at these gatherings. My Uncle was there for me when even my own dad wasn't and his family accepted me as their own even though I'd barely spoken to them for 8 years at the time.

My dad will be invited to the wedding but I have asked my uncle to walk me down the aisle instead. He is happy I asked him but is unsure if he wants to accept because he doesn't want to disrespect his older brother and walk his own daughter down the aisle in front of him. I feel as though my dad doesn't deserve to walk me down the aisle as he didn't have the backbone to stand up to his own wife over his daughter.

My uncle even told me he tried to justify himself to his siblings by saying they didnt try to keep in touch with me so why should I look after her. I'm not being funny but as being a 16F at the time and I was the oldest child aswell, it wasn't my responsibility to it was his. AITA for asking my dads brother to walk me down the aisle instead of him in front of him.

Choosing who walks you down the aisle can feel like navigating a family minefield, especially when old hurts resurface. This bride’s decision to pick her uncle over her absent father reflects a deeper story of abandonment and resilience. Her father’s withdrawal after the divorce and his refusal to house her at a critical moment contrast sharply with her uncle’s unwavering support, highlighting a clear divide in loyalty and care.

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Family estrangement is more common than we think—studies suggest 27% of Americans have cut contact with a family member (Journal of Marriage and Family, 2021). Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, says, “Estrangement often stems from unmet expectations of parental duty” (Psychology Today, 2023). Here, the father’s failure to maintain contact or support his daughter shifted her allegiance to her uncle, who became a surrogate parent.

The uncle’s hesitation to accept, fearing he’ll disrespect his brother, shows the complexity of family ties. The bride’s choice is justified—she’s honoring who showed up, not who walked away. She could consider a private talk with her dad to explain her choice, fostering closure without confrontation.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s got opinions spicier than a wedding cake’s top tier! Here’s what the community dished out on this bride’s big decision:

claudiarabbit123 - Nta. You aren't entitled to walk a daughter down the aisle that you abandoned twice.

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[Reddit User] - NTA, but your uncle is also allowed to say no. The rift between him and his brother may not be worth it, plus he could be worried that it would cause unnecessary drama on your wedding day and ruin your wedding. Which it very well might. Honestly, at this point, I'd be walking down the aisle by myself if I were you.

kacastro - NTA - you can tell your uncle that there's no reality where his older brother will be walking you down the aisle. It's either he walks you or you walk alone.

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skyisland18 - Why would you invite your father?

bobledrew - NTA. Your dad hasn’t been in your life. You’re asking someone who has. It’s likely your dad will be hurt by this. If you chose to, you could explain the situation in a letter to hm and (if you chose) open up the idea of trying to restore the relationship. But perhaps he _needs_ some consequence.

[Reddit User] - Nta. Deadbeats always think their kids will forget how they were neglected

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raheemnaz - NTA sounds like your dad hasn't been a dad since the divorce but his brother has. If the issue is him seeing someone else giving you away just don't invite him to the wedding.

[Reddit User] - You are definitely NTA here. You took care of your siblings and cousins when your father wasn’t around, you even tried to get in contact with him. I don’t think he deserves to walk you down the aisle. It should be who you want, who respects you and you could trust. Best wishes for your marriage! :-)

mydogiscoolerthanu22 - NTA I have a very similar story to yours. I am getting married in a few months and my mom is walking me down. My father isn't even invited. I know your mom isn't an option for you. That being said do you even want your father to come?

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Does he add anything of value or positive feelings to your happiness? Your wedding your choice. My fiance told me when we started planning forget tradition forget what people think plan what will make me the happiest on our day. Please put yourself first.

AmethysstFire - NTA. Your uncle has been more of a dad to you than your sperm donor. Ask your uncle. If your 'dad' gets mad, it's his own fault for abandoning you kids.

These hot takes from Reddit range from fierce support to practical advice, but do they capture the full picture? Is the dad’s absence enough to justify this snub, or should family ties hold stronger?

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This bride’s story is a poignant reminder that family isn’t just blood—it’s who shows up when the chips are down. Choosing her uncle to walk her down the aisle honors the love that carried her through tough years, but it also risks stirring family drama. Should she stand firm, walk alone, or extend an olive branch to her dad? What would you do if old family wounds threatened your big day? Share your thoughts and let’s unravel this emotional knot together.

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