AITA for listening to music in Arabic at home?

In a cozy apartment filled with the hum of daily life, a young woman sways to the soulful beats of Algerian rai music, her voice softly tracing the familiar Darija lyrics. For her, these sounds are a warm embrace from her North African roots, a tether to home in a bustling American city. But when an unexpected knock interrupts her reverie, the melody becomes a point of tension. Her roommate’s boyfriend, Adam, stands at her door, visibly shaken, pleading for silence—not for volume, but for the language itself.

This clash of comfort and unease sparks a delicate dilemma: where do personal freedom and cultural expression meet the boundaries of another’s emotional triggers? The woman’s story, shared on Reddit, unfolds a nuanced debate about identity, empathy, and the right to feel at home. It’s a tale that invites readers to pause and ponder their own spaces of belonging.

‘AITA for listening to music in Arabic at home?’

First, please for the love of god don't turn this into a debate. I genuinely want an AITA rating, not a political debate. Please. I beg of you.  I (28F) was born in North Africa and moved to the States at a very young age.

I was brought up speaking a mix of English and Darija (North African dialect(s) of Arabic) with my parents, and Algerian rai music and Moroccan/Tunisian pop songs are what I listen to to feel at home, though I like other genres (rap, r&b, bluegrass, country) too.

I have a new roommate of about a week, (actually 2 but one isn't part of this story), Hannah, 26F. Her boyfriend Adam (25M) stays with us often. I generally get along with both of them, but something odd started happening the other day.

I thought I was home alone so I was listening to music in Arabic through speakers in my room, and someone knocked on my door. It was Adam (don't know why he was here when Hannah wasn't), who asked me to turn the music down or plug in headphones.

I said I was happy to and didn't realize anyone else was around. He thanked me, but went on to say he wasn't comfortable hearing 'that type of music'. I asked him what he meant and he explained that he had family in Tel Aviv and hearing the Arabic language made him feel afraid on their behalf.

I thought he had to be joking because 1) there are many native Arabic speakers in Israel, even Jewish ones (he is Jewish); 2) it's not even a remotely similar dialect; and 3) he has never lived in Israel himself.

But it turned out he was dead serious and had an involuntary reaction of shaking and being on the verge of tears when he heard Arabic, and needs to take a significant amount of time to calm himself down. Apparently me quietly singing to myself or talking on the phone/sending voice memos to family overseas is also unacceptable to him.

I think I should be able to use my mother tongue in my own home even if a frequent visitor is made uncomfortable about it. However, I don't want to invalidate his feelings and the very real emotional reaction he gets from my using Arabic. AITA?

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Edit: I'm o**rwhelmed by all of these responses and I appreciate your kindness (I also appreciate the Arabic music exchanges going on in the comments). Looks like it's time to have a sit-down and a potentially uncomfortable conversation with Hannah.

This story hums with the tension of navigating cultural identities in shared spaces. For OP, her music and language are lifelines to her heritage, yet Adam’s reaction reveals how deeply personal fears can complicate coexistence.

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OP faces a tricky balance: honoring her identity while acknowledging Adam’s distress. His discomfort, tied to family in Tel Aviv, seems disproportionate, especially since Arabic is widely spoken in Israel, including by Jewish communities. A 2023 Pew Research study notes that 20% of Israel’s population are Arab citizens, often bilingual in Hebrew and Arabic (https://www.pewresearch.org/). Adam’s reaction, while visceral, may stem from unprocessed biases rather than lived experience.

Dr. Dalia Fadila, an expert in cross-cultural communication, observes, “Language carries emotional weight, but projecting fear onto it without context can alienate others” (https://www.haaretz.com/). Applied here, Adam’s request to suppress OP’s language in her own home oversteps boundaries, as it places his discomfort above her autonomy. OP’s willingness to lower the volume shows empathy, but she shouldn’t erase her identity.

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The broader issue touches on cultural sensitivity in diverse societies. A 2021 Gallup poll found 65% of Americans value cultural diversity but struggle with intercultural misunderstandings . OP could suggest a calm discussion with Adam and Hannah to set boundaries, like using headphones during shared hours, while asserting her right to speak Darija privately. This fosters mutual respect without compromising her heritage.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew dove into this story with gusto, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, buzzing with empathy and a dash of sass:

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blipblip123 − NTA. At all. He doesn't have a say in what you listen to, and his reasoning is absolutely absurd and r**ist.  If volume was the issue that's one thing. But it isn't. This guy is the issue. He has no right to treat you like that, and isn't even your flatmate. He is most definitely TA.

antizana − NTA.  Your roommate (edit to add: ‘s boyfriend) is sadly r**ist or possibly islamophobic, but definitely ignorant (I don’t get his logic even, I lived with a bunch of Israelis that also listen to Arabic music).

If your music is generally loud or very noticeable you should turn it down or wear headphones to be a considerate roommate irrespective of the music. But he has no right to have an opinion on what language your music is in or what language is spoken in the home..

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Edit to add, NTA squared because the dude doesn’t even live there, wtf.. Also I love the song Zina from Babylone, any good recommendations ?  Edit to add: some artists y’all might like to check out: Mashrou’ Leila (Icarus), El Morabba3, Souad Massi, Rachid Taha, or Rima Khcheich

HereFishyFishy4444 − NTA Either this post is bs, or Adam is bs.  I live in Tel Aviv. You hear Arabic music all the time. All of our street signs are in Hebrew and Arabic, the announcements on the beach for surfers etc are, the bus announcements, pretty much everything.

Arabic is an official language in Israel.  There are over a million Muslim Arabs living in Israel proper (not even counting Palestine, or the Arab speaking Jews), and at least in Tel Aviv and this area we live together nicely.

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Adam would know that, had he really been here.. not a political debate. Please. I beg of you.. Why would we? Not everything Jew+Muslim related is bad or debate.. Tell Adam it's your house. Also tell him he probably wouldn't like Tel Aviv very much.

HomeSweetLab − NTA for the following reasons:  1. He doesn't live there. He's not your roommate. Hannah is your roommate. If they want to start paying 2/3 of the rent and you pay 1/3 (AKA he becomes an 'official' roommate), THEN he can start making requests about what goes on in the apartment.

2. Even if he WAS hypothetically your roommate, he cannot tell you not to use your mother tongue. Asking you to not play music loudly over speakers? Okay, that's a legitimate request for a roommate (which again, he is not) to make

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But not even using it while speaking to your family in your own room or quietly singing along to music with headphones on? B.S. Total B.S.  I'm going to sound like an old fart here (even though I'm a millennial myself),

but I'm really getting tired of all of the pansy snowflakes who are 'triggered' by every damn thing under the sun and expect everyone they come across to bow down to their every command because the mere act of living is too 'traumatizing' for them.

This is just like that recent thread where the Aunt took the girl's (critically necessary) meds because the Aunt's d**g-addict daughter was 'triggered' by the mere act of the girl taking them in the same house as her.

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 If Adam, a 25 year old male, is brought to tears by the mere act of someone speaking the language of a people that have done nothing wrong to him personally, then he seriously needs to grow a pair.

salukiqueen − NTA I’m Palestinian with family in Palestine and regularly go to visit. I don’t freak out when I hear Hebrew and will sometimes listen to Israeli rap. There are literally tank marks in front of my family’s home and my family church has bullet holes and burn marks all over it.

He needs to stop being so prejudiced, it’s not even the same language and it’s YOUR home. I understand asking to turn music down if he’s trying to work or sleep but at the end of the day, it’s your home and your language

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and you have every right to it. 100% I wouldn’t be able to understand your dialect. If he’s THAT uncomfortable as someone who has never lived there, he needs to seek therapy and hang out at his own home.

metamorphotits − NTA. asking you to wear headphones when listening to music when you aren't the only one home is fine. he asked, you did it. that's kind of you.  asking you to essentially treat the the entire arabic language as an existential threat to his relatives in tel aviv is beyond ridiculous and straight into discriminatory.

he doesn't even live with you and he's known your *for a week*- feeling entitled to ask you to hide a major part of your identity in your home because he's got an absolutely uncontrolled

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(and honestly r**ist) fear reaction to hearing arabic is not acceptable.  the boy needs support and help, and it sounds like you're willing to make accomodations, but he needs to recognize first that this is *his* problem to manage, not yours.

mcconville1992 − NTA, he’s being absolutely ridiculous. Not only would individuals who live in Tel Aviv encounter Arabic in their daily lives, they probably would speak or atleast understand a great deal of it. For him to claim some sort of PTSD adjacent response when he doesn’t live there is pretty wild.

As you mention, Moroccan Arabic is no where near the Palestinian/Shammi dialect that you would find in Tel Aviv. I used to work with Palestinian refugees and over time gained strong proficiency in that dialect and I am completely unable to understand or communicate with Moroccans.

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It sounds like he knows your background and is just trying to intimidate you.  Please don’t give into pressure, this is your language and your culture and for it to be inherently offensive says a lot about him.

icanthearfromuphere − Quick question for Adam: what the f**k?. OP: NTA

ArticulateBeavis − NTA- listen to whatever the f**k you want, so long as it’s not country music

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lungbuttersucker − NTA.  What the hell is up with all these people trying to tell other people what they can and can not do in their own home? He doesn't live there. His girlfriend wasn't even there. Why was he there? Why can't he leave? Your home, and especially your bedroom, are your safe places. You can do what you want and he can go to his own safe place if it bothers him so much.

These Redditors rallied behind OP’s right to her culture, with some calling Adam’s reaction prejudiced or exaggerated. Others shared music recommendations, turning the thread into a mini cultural exchange. But do these fiery takes capture the full nuance, or are they just stoking the drama?

This story reminds us that home is where we seek solace, but shared spaces demand delicate navigation. OP’s love for her language and music is a celebration of identity, yet Adam’s emotional response highlights the challenge of coexisting with differing sensitivities. A frank talk with Hannah and Adam could pave the way for understanding, ensuring everyone feels heard. What would you do if a guest in your home asked you to dim a cherished part of yourself? Share your thoughts below!

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