AITA for telling my mother her children aren’t mine?

The quiet of a teenage bedroom turned tense as a 17-year-old girl savored her hard-earned teriyaki and shrimp fried rice. Her mother’s scream shattered the peace, demanding she feed her younger siblings—a role she never signed up for. Her blunt retort, “They’re your kids, not mine,” sparked a family rift, culminating in being left stranded at the mall.

This isn’t just a dinner dispute; it’s a raw look at a teen pushed into parenthood by a neglectful mother. Readers can feel her frustration and resolve, wondering if her stance was fair or too harsh. It’s a gripping tale that demands attention.

‘AITA for telling my mother her children aren’t mine?’

I (17F) have 2 younger siblings (14F) (13M). My mother works 8am-5pm weekdays. When she gets off, she goes straight to my grandmothers house or her boyfriend’s house and doesn’t come home until 10 or 11pm. On weekends, she stays out and night.

Whenever I ask to go out, which is rare, it’s a no. Everyone has to come to my home, but then she complains about me inviting everyone over. I work a part time summer job. I get paid enough for my needs and to put money aside for my upcoming senior events.

When I get paid, I put about 50-75% of my money aside and buy whatever I need. I usually have enough to last me til the next time I get paid. My mother and I get paid the same week. She buys food with her first paycheck of the month and I buy food with my second paycheck.

My mother buys mostly frozen food, junk food and canned goods. I, on the other hand, buy fruits and vegetables (sometimes snacks). So, about three days ago my mother bought the food she usually bought and left. I put away everything and continued my night.

The next night, I went downstairs to find 90% of the food my mother bought was gone. I complained to my mother and she did nothing. I started to crave teriyaki and shrimp fried rice so that’s exactly what I bought. About 45mins later, it came and my siblings were complaining about how hungry they were.

I told them to tell their mother not me. A few minutes later, my mother came into my room screaming at me for not buying my siblings dinner. I told her they were her children not mine and I don’t have to buy them anything. She told me to remember that and walked out.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to eat. Yesterday, my mother took my siblings and I to the mall. I went on my own as usual and bought some pink crocs. My sister found me and told me that my mother said that I have to buy her something.

I told her I didn’t HAVE to buy her anything because she isn’t my child. She left and told my mother. My mom called me and just whispered yelled at me and hung up. I checked out and went to meet back up with my mom at our usual spot.

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After about 15 minutes, I called my mom to see where they were. She told me that she left and to find my own way home. I had my best friend take me home. When I got in, no one had said a word to me. AITA for saying what I said?

This family clash exposes a case of parentification gone wrong. The 17-year-old, working part-time and managing her needs, refused to feed or buy for her siblings, asserting they’re her mother’s responsibility. Her mother’s neglect—leaving late, abandoning her at the mall—forced this boundary, though it fueled tension.

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This mirrors a real issue: parentification, where kids take on adult roles. A 2023 Child Development study found 15% of teens face this, often leading to resentment . Her mother’s behavior suggests avoidance, not partnership.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist, writes in a 2022 article, “Teens deserve to be kids, not parents. Setting boundaries is healthy when adults fail to step up, but it requires support to avoid isolation”. She might seek help from a counselor or trusted adult to navigate this.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community rallied with fierce support and practical advice. Here’s what they had to say about this parental pushback:

Mad_Garden_Gnome - NTA. Don't raise her kids. Get out quick.

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TwoCentsPsychologist - NTA. Your mum is awful. You’re almost 18, and should plan to leave as soon as you can. She’s using you as a second parent to her kids.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your mother is a self-centered, abusive & neglectful AH though. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It s NOT OK for you to be forced to feed and clothe your younger siblings, or babysit them 7 days a week.

It is NOT OK for your mother to abandon you when you refuse to do so. You are a minor. Call CPS and get out of there as soon as you safely can. Make sure she can't access your money.

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Nalpona_Freesun - NTA. report your mom to CPS for abandoning you at the mall if you think it will help cause your mom is being extremely neglectful

naelisio - NTA, your mother is using you and parentification of the eldest sibling is a very real thing. You’re right to say that she needs to feed her own kids and you’re shouldn’t have to be feeding your siblings or being forced to buy them gifts. Look into moving out of forming if you’re going to a four year school so you can actually keep the money you earn.

palaverouswordsmith - NTA. Your mother is neglecting you and your siblings. You are not the parent, and she isn't doing any parenting. Even worse, she retaliates when you don't fulfill her obligation as a parent to your siblings. I hope you're able to exit this dysfunctional living situation soon and take care of yourself.

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Escape_Overlander - Definitely be looking into a different living situation to see if you can go stay with any family. She's not providing food and abandoned you at the mall... You could involve child protective services if you want you are a minor.. As a child you don't owe her anything, as a parent she owes you food shelter and love. NTA

[Reddit User] - NTA Stop buying food for anyone else. You need to safe every cent so you can get out of that house as soon as possible

[Reddit User] - Wait, your buying food for the whole house, babysitting every night and on weekends and you’re expected to also buy something for your siblings?. Your mom is ridiculously neglectful and selfish.. NTA

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LouisV25 - NTA. They are not your kids. Please leave this house as soon as you can. If there is anyone you can stay with, go there!!!

These responses burn with empathy, urging her to prioritize herself while warning of the mother’s neglect. The consensus strengthens her case, adding depth to consider.

This teen’s bold stand is a cry for fairness in a home where she’s been unfairly burdened. Her mother’s neglect, not her words, drives the rift, and at 17, she deserves freedom, not duty. Planning an exit could be her next step. What would you do if forced to raise siblings? Drop your thoughts below and keep the conversation alive!

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